'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's Cult Marketing Business Secrets in Healing Initiation Scam

The Good, Bad, and the Ugly: 'Swami' Nithyananda's Healer-Sticks Get Devotees Stuck in His Cult's Bad Karma Distributorship
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. We had quite a few readers interested to know about what actually happens with your healer's initiation and what happens when one of your followers actually does some healing. Do you mind, Sri Nithyananda, if we talk about this? "Wrrrak!" Boy, that was curt. We don't even need a Gruntanese translator to inform us that you're displeased. OK, Sri Nithyananda. If you don't want to hear us, you may cover your ears.

The Good
But, actually, Sri Nithyananda, it isn't all bad news for you and your cult. You, Sri Nithyananda, actually do some good by 'encouraging' your followers to heal. In fact, one of our contributors used to be one of your healing enthusiast. You name, this person was healing it. Mom's arthritis, a friend's back, a sick tree, snails. If it moved, it got your 'branded' energy. We're surprised, Sri Nithyananda, that this person didn't get arrested for groping while doing your 'service'. During this healer-energy process, this healer's hands would warm up like cooking burners waiting for the skillet. So, there's something going on. What is it?

Oh, we researched it, Sri Nithyananda, and yes, you taught these initiated people how to tap in and then channel the Parashakti Energy by meditating. That's a good thing, Sri Nithyananda, we mean the meditation part. We'll give you full credit for that. Yes, spiritual masters are suppose to help your followers tap into the unseen world of the Divine Energy and get connected. You, 'Swami' Nithyananda, specifically taught the meditation called 'Shakti Dharana', and we found the original Sanskrit name of that meditation and it is called, 'Davatma Shakti Dhaana'. Basically, it is the same meditation, so, we won't split hairs and acknowledge your contributions. You also taught your initiated healers to be in the 'Ananda Gandha'. We haven't found the Sanskrit name for that meditation, but for those new to this meditation, basically the meditator channels Parashakti Energy through the regions of the solar plexus and that energy then radiates throughout the body. The benefits are that the meditator's body becomes energized with the Parashakti Energy, and the meditator can be lead into samadhi from these meditations. As an extra 'benefit' the Parashakti Energy can also be transmitted onto something else through the meditators hands and that's how 'healing' process is done. OK, Sri Nithyananda, another 'good one' on you. We certify that teaching seekers how to be in the meditative state of what you call the state of the 'Ananda Gandha' is a very good thing indeed. So, the mediation portion is very sound, indeed. But, with the healing 'byproduct' from this mediation, we have some reservations on. Mind you, readers, there's additional ways to 'plug into' the Parashakti Energy, but these two ways taught by 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda work just fine.

The Bad
But, wait, 'Swami' Nithyananda, there's more to the story here. Yes, those were the good things about your healing initiation, but now we need to tell the other side of the story, 'the bad'. Sorry. Sri Nithyananda, you mention several times that this is the Parashakti Energy, but then you make it sound like this is also your private energy as if you were the controlling shareholder for Parashakti Energy Utilities, Inc. For instance, Sri Nithyananda, you often refer to this as 'your energy'. And, the instructions for the 'Ananda Gandha' meditation is to focus on your 'smiling' face and let the energy start to flow. Then to drop your form. OK, we give you credit to say 'drop your form', but why use your 'smiling face' to begin with? If you truly don't want your followers to be attached to you, then why even say that? As you know, there's lots of followers who are attached to you, your form, your mala (rosary), your paduka (feet), your picture and so on. You seem to encourage this behavior as we have pointed out in earlier blog posts. Sri Nithyananda, you claim to control this energy as if the seekers never saw electricity before, so they come to your house and see your electric outlet and think that this energy comes only from you. That they now have to get your permission and a very long extension chord before they can 'hook up' and 'connect' to 'your' energy. These seekers seem ignorant of the powerful electric grid and the cables that go directly to your house from a much more powerful and Divine source.

'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, how were you able to do this? You, know, claim a monopoly on something that you didn't even own. Oh, yes, we remember now, you, Sri Nithyananda, at your programs, you loved to tell about that story during your nine-years, we mean now six-years (actually just four-and-a-half-years) of wandering that concurred simultaneously with your stay at the Ramakrishna Mission. In that story you talked about your 'First Miracle of Healing' as written in your book, The Formless in Form, p. 44 2004. You, Sri Nithyananda, talked about hitching a ride in a roughshod army truck. The truck hit a bump and the sudden jerk caused you, Sri Nithyananda, to experience a sudden spasm (quite unlike the sudden spasm that your room-service ladies experience from another type of jerk). Anyway, the army doctor wanted to place your lower body in a caste (sometimes we have the same sentiment), but you refused. All you needed to do was place your hand on your back, and the meditate. Then you said that you went to of all places another Ramakrishna Mutt in Hardiwar (PDF Pamphlet: Yet to be Discovered, 2003, p. 49) and had your back X-rayed. And, sure enough, presto. Your back was healed, although you, Sri Nithyananda, claimed that the doctor at the Ramakrishna Mutt, could still see the fracture. Funny, 'Swami' Nithyananda, that you later made no mention that you had your back X-rayed at a Ramakrishna Mutt in Hardiwar. Your later stories just sort of dropped this whole Ramakrishna Mutt thing out. Is there a pattern here? [Note to readers: View blog post called "Paramahamsa Nithyananda Wanders in the Ramakrishna Mission for Five (5) Years"]

And, then 'Swami' Nithyananda, you then talk about how you tried 10,000 keys to open up this channel and you figured out how to do it, and you, Sri Nithyananda, can do it instantly for anyone who's willing to plunk down $150.00 and give up another day of their life to be with you and your enthusiastic followers. Yes, this is called the 'Healer's Initiation', that only you can initiate or even take back on a moment's notice. You know, Sri Nithyananda, this is a pretty good deal. You always have these 'Healer's Initiations' right after your big expensive two-day weekend programs. So, you catch all the new people while they are still fresh and mesmerized by you. And, since the Monday after a program is a 'down' day that usually means that you will travel to another city later that afternoon, why not capture the newly dedicated crowd for a few hours and collect another $5,000.00 cash? Just too easy. And, since you always hold the venue in some place that is not going to have an expense associated with it, this is just pure profit. OK, Sri Nithyananda, we know that you sometimes still have these initiations in a hotel, but not to worry. You usually stick the expense of hotels, food, and that sort of thing to your city coordinators. After all, its up to the city coordinators to find sucker, oh, we mean devotees willing to show their servitude to you by picking up the tabs and sundry expenses. Otherwise, it isn't worth having that city as part of your circuit. Didn't you once say this about the Bay Area, you know, San Jose, when the city coordinator dared to even ask for you to pick up some of the expenses because it was draining that person's savings? Yes, Sri Nithyananda, you sure know how to scam, we mean show people what true spiritual practice is all about.

And, yes, Sri Nithyananda, we agree. There is an additional expense of having to give out trinkets to each newly initiated healer. You see, Sri Nithyananda, you make this very clear that the $150.00 involved is strictly a 'donation'. It is not a money making scheme. In return for this 'donation' people get initiated to become healers and they get a kit that will allow them to convert their homes into healing centers. Let's see, this kit includes a big picture of you (with no frame), a healer's mala (rosary), some pamphlet on healing and the chakras associated with that healing, a healer's chanting plug in box that plays corrupted mantras that are distorted over the cheap speakers (but it has your face on it), a bracelet with your name on it (healers are suppose to wear the mala [rosary] and bracelet at all times), maybe you even throw in an overstocked book. Oh, yes, you include in a pair of wooden chopsticks and say that these are healer's sticks. Anyway, the fair value worth of these trinkets for the 'donation' would be about three dollars at a garage sale. So, that's pretty good money you make, there, Sri Nithyananda.

However, the real worth, in the eyes of the newly initiated healers, is not the trinkets, but he opening of the 'Ananda Gandha' (the portion around their solar plexus). That is priceless, and the rest of the stuff, Master Card can take care of it. Yes, this is the true value of your Healer's Initiation. You, Sri Nithyananda, make it very clear that it is only you who can open this channel up and you can easily take it back. (OK, technically, you say that the Parashakti Energy flow could still happen if you, Sri Nithyananda, take back the ability to heal, but the ability to heal, is fully in your control.) Then after practicing one of the meditations, you, Sri Nithyananda, have the healers-to-be come up one-by-one, and you click your fingers near their solar plexus and say something like, "Go and heal."

Hey, Sri Nithyananda, we hate to blurt out your business secrets, but really, do you do anything special when you snap your fingers and say "Go and heal"? We have found, Sri Nithyananda, that anyone who does the meditations on a regular basis is going to be able to channel the Parashakti Energy, and be able to transmit it as 'healing' energy through their hands if they care to do so. Anyone can do this whether they even heard of you or not. And, we would like to remind you that this is the Parashakti Energy, that is the Divine Mother's Energy, or the Universal Energy, and it is something that even you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, cannot place a trademark symbol on. In short, this does not belong to you, so don't try to sell it as if it did.

OK, Sri Nithyananda, maybe we were too rough on you. We could say that someone could give you the benefit of the doubt and if someone didn't pay, excuse me, we mean to say donate that $150.00 and go for some ritual with an 'enlightened' healing master, then that person probably wouldn't value the benefits of the meditation or even do any of the meditations on a regular basis. Your healing initiation, Sri Nithyananda is like passing out skyhooks and telling potential swimmers that they need them in order to float. Maybe with those spiritual skyhooks, they will now have the confidence to swim. Yes, that is the dirty secret of modern society. So, maybe there is some merit in your charging, oops, required donation and your empty ritual. Fair enough.

But, wait, there, Sri Nithyananda. You give the newly initiated healers all of these regulations and say that they are now initiated in your order. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, so you do something empty and worthless, and then you trap these people. It's like you are now licensing those vary same skyhooks! Does that make you a sky crook? You, Sri Nithyananda, tell your newly initiated following that they now have to wear your bracelet that has your name on it, your mala (rosary) that has your picture on it, set up a healer's room by hanging your oversized picture in a prominent place, meditate on your smiling face, etc., etc., etc. Sri Nithyananda, you have tricked these people to join your cult! They are now in your trap and bonded to your physical body. And, wait, Sri Nithyananda, you have all these rules that if they don't follow, then their ability to heal is taken away. One of these rules is if the have any non-vegetarian food, then they have to stop healing immediately until they see you again. Now, Sri Nithyananda, we agree, that people should not eat non-vegetarian food. But, in modern society, this is really hard not to accidentally come up against now and then. Why Sri Nithyananda, we once saw you chomping on some pizza at the airport in New Jersey in September 2004. Did the cheese on that pizza have vegetarian or microbiological rennet? [Rennet is the enzymes from the stomach-linings of calves that is used in cheese to help it coagulate or become hard and firm. Rennet is definitely non-vegetarian, and is found in most cheese.] If that cheese did not have vegetarian rennet, then you, Sri Nithyananda, had non-vegetarian right before our eyes. Likewise, you even offered several pizzas to the San Jose devotees in March 2005. Are you sure that had vegetarian rennet? One of your devotees even asked you if this cheese had animal or vegetarian rennet in it, and you said, "That you will take care of it." Even in your ashram in Los Angeles, Duarte, California to be exact, yogurt with gelatin in it was floating around. [Gelatin is made from cow or pig hooves (feet) unless it is made from seaweed.] We remember even one ashramite purchased, then hid the boxes that had the ingredients printed on it of some frozen pies that had egg in them. Just be 'unclutched', we were told. So, Sri Nithyananda, we see that people, with the best of intentions to remain vegetarian, can on rare occasion accidentally have non-vegetarian food. It is nearly impossible to avoid. But, you, Sri Nithyananda, make a big deal out of this, and tell these people to stop healing until they have seen you and re-taken 'Healer's Initiation'. Why Sri Nithyananda, you seem to found a way to have total control over people's behavior and set their whole lives so they are pointing directly to you. Yes, this is spiritual dependency or just a plain old cult trap.

Yes, Sri Nithyananda, you heard us right Cult Trap. That is exactly what you operate. You see, Sri Nithyananda, in order to become a healer and de facto 'initiated' by you into your cult, the follower must be willing to share your 'proprietary' energy with anyone. That's OK, but they also must wear your mala (rosary) with your picture, your bracelet, have your big picture prominently displayed, recite your 'corrupted' mantra, etc. in order to channel 'your' energy. How nice. 'Swami' Nithyananda, it looks like the scooping up the easy cash after a program is sweet, but your real gain is locking in devotees that are now 'programmed' just to broadcast your message. And, as these 'programmed' messengers are now feeling that tingly sensation on their hands, they are thinking that all of this is nothing but a miracle from you. And, as your initiated healers are sharing 'your' proprietary energy with their friends, family, other cult members, and referrals, these 'receivers' of your proprietary healing energy are going to hear nothing but how 'Divine' you are and how you changed their lives, etc. That's quite a scam, there, Sri Nithyananda. Imagine this. Desperate and sick people are going to hear nothing but infomercials and testimonials about you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, and you only. It's almost like right out of the Amway Quixtar 'lock-them-in' strategy playbook. With this marketing strategy, you, Sri Nithyananda, will be sure to fill up your expensive workshop the next time you come to town. Great marketing techniques. You sure know how to hone in your business senses while whoring up the Divine Energy.

And as an extra benefit, a benefit to you, Sri Nithyananda, is that with each initiated healer, you can now claim their house as a healing center or just plain Nithyananda Center. Is that how you, Sri Nithyananda, can boast on your website all those 'Nithya Centers' just by doing some healer initiations. Why that makes you, Sri Nithyananda, sound almost as big as your ego.

But, wait, Sri Nithyananda.  Someone reminded us to say that since mid 2007, you usually just initiate new followers to be self-healers.  That is they are initiated only to heal themselves and no one else.  Yes, Sri Nithyananda, that's a coy move.  You still get these people to part with their cash and get them to be committed just to you by wearing all your accessories that say "Hey, I'm part of the Cult of 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda."  And, with just a little nudge, they be attending all your expensive programs and doing work, work, work in the name of service.  But, as I'm sure you know better, all these people are attracted to you for your 'easy' enlightenment.  You, know, Sri Nithyananda, the mantra for these folks is "Swami will take care", which really means to them, "I don't have to do anything."  Yes, this works great in getting lazy seekers to part with their cash and eventually sucked in to doing hours of slavery, but when it comes to channeling the Parashakti Energy, they really need to do the meditations daily.  We have seen, Sri Nithyananda, right at your own ashram, how rare it is for anyone in your Order to actually do a meditation.  Yeah, we know, they all are suppose to do the 'Nithya Dhyan' meditation in the morning, but we really can't blame them for skipping it after being up working for you until 3:00 a.m.  So, to actually have that tingly sensation and warm healing palms brimming with the Parashakti Energy, someone needs to do these meditations daily.  Otherwise, your healers are going to look like the fools they really are when they go to heal someone and no one feels anything.

Yes, Sri Nithyananda, you want people to have a good experience the first time they get your mass marketing and experience 'your' energy.  Later, after they are totally brainwashed, then you can roll out the empty promises and then blame them for not having them fulfilled.  But, for their first encounter, they really need a healer that can deliver the sensation.  So, you're right there, 'Swami' Nithyananda.  Make sure you have a dedicated person who meditates and is completely loyal to you before you 'initiate' that person as a healer.  Otherwise, just regulate them to being a 'self-healer'.  No harm in that. 

There's more good news, Sri Nithyananda, to just half-initiating your healers. In addition to not wrecking your market, but still locking in your clients, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, don't have to worry about any lawsuits.  We know the word 'lawsuit' just terrifies you.  Sri Nithyananda, we agree that it is much more fun to give than receive.  In your case, you don't give anything; you just threaten.  What are we up to now, 88 days since you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, first threaten us?  How the years go by...

The Really Ugly
'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. Yoo-Hoo! Darn, he's falling into samadhi again. Just when we're about to get to the best part. Maybe he's faking it. Sri Nithyananda, can you hear me? In case you can, do you remember how you, Sri Nithyananda, told everyone that using 'your proprietary' energy to heal someone has zero risk of collecting karma? Are you sure about that? Our research has different findings. In fact, one loyal reader wrote this:

Wednesday, February 3, 2010 10:48 PM
balabalan said...

Following is the opinion of Jaggi Vasudev of Isha foundation:

Physical existence is always happening between cause and effect. Suppose there is an infection, the cause is external, say bacteria. Now there is an effect : infection. So you are trying to take away the cause by taking antibiotics. You kill the cause with medication because it is external to you.

With other diseases that are not externally caused, the cause is so much deeper compared to an infection. For this type of disease to manifest, there is an imbalance or a malfunction in the energy-body, which manifests itself in the physical or mental body.

Now with something like pranic healing-or any kind of healing for that matter-you'r only appeasing the effect. With a little control or mastery over your own energies, you are able to put a screen between the cause and the effect. So the effect dies out, but the cause stays buried.

As far as nature and life energy is concerned the effect was only its way of telling you that there is a cause, a disturbance of energy, inside of you. Let us say you have asthma and i just remove it today. Without asthma, when you still have the same kind of energy in you, you may become some other calamity in a moment. The disease may not be there, but you could et into an accident.

Your asthma was only an indication of a deeper disturbance. This is because your energies arestill in the same situation, but the effect was removed. So it will take effect in a deeper or more acute form to inform you again. This whole activbity of trying to heal somebody is, in some way, trying to play God-trying to manipulate energvies in an improper way.

Unless you are able to take the very source of the disease from the other person into yourself, real healing is not possible. That will have a big impact on the system, and it is not to be done unless it is for certain specific purposes.

Healers of all kinds are ruling the roose worldwide right now. Big healing melas are being held on Marina Beach and other public places. But if you want to heal people, why don't you go to where the sick people are? If you have got cosmic energy in your hands, why don't you walk through all the hospitals in the world and ruin their business?

Nicely put, there, balabalan; thanks! Hear that, Sri Nithyananda? He's still faking his samadhi. Anyway, we do agree with 'balabalan', and we also believe that Jaggi Vasudev of Isha Foundation is working hard to elevate spiritual seekers and that he does Divine work. He's good man in a bad neighborhood, and there's lots of criminal types that would love to discredit him and loot his ashram. So, we respect Jaggi Vasudev's words, and we fully agree with them.

To be honest, Sri Nithyananda, we really don't know the full extent to karma, disease, and healing. We do know that people fall ill for various reasons. Some fall ill because they came in contact by chance to some rogue bacteria, bug, radiation, etc. Some fall ill because the have neglected their bodies. Some fall ill because they vata, pitta, and kapha (aruyvedic elements) are out-of-synch. Some fall ill because the energy through their chakras are restricted. And, some fall ill because of some past actions in this life or perhaps a former life. And, then there's a combination of all these factors.

Our contact with low key enlightened masters who are experts in healing people say that the act of healing is a very risky action. These enlightened people usually have to absorb the illness or karma and get sick themselves for several days as they take on and then 'burn it off' the disease or its cause. In the case of some severe illnesses, the enlightened healer cannot fully burn off the karma. In some incidents, the enlightened healer would need to make a decision of taking rebirth again just to rid someone of the disease and the bad karma that caused that disease in this lifetime.

Although this might seem cruel that someone has to go through a disease or go through some other suffering, that is the Divine Law.  We're not in the position to question it, but we should at least understand it.  Most people, and ourselves included, see that healing is something good.  Therefore, we initially perceive if someone can heal another person and take away the pain, that is doing a good act.  And, perhaps on the physical level, that is correct.  But, what if the person who has the disease did something in the past and the law was given that this person had to 'go through that' in this life, but the healer used Divine energy and intervened?  Divine Law says you might get some or all of that suffering to yourself. Using a different analogy, what if someone was suffering through a class at school with a difficult subject and with a strict teacher.  You can see that student is just miserable.  You get a job as a school administrator and fudge the student's record and voila!  That student is able to get out of the class.  So, the suffering ended?  What if that student needed that knowledge to go forward with his or her education, but now since you abused your position and intervened, that person is 'stuck' and will have to retake the class in another lifetime.  The lesson was not learned, because you intervened.  A different analogy could be made if someone went to prison and you helped them break out.  Not only did the person not learn the lesson, that also puts you on the wrong side of the law too.  Yes, in our hearts, we want to help everybody heal.  But when Divine Energy, someone also needs to have access to the Divine Knowledge in order to know when it should be applied.  Just because someone 'can' doesn't mean that someone 'should'.

Our point is that everyone should have compassion to those that are suffering, but be careful in your ways of intervening.  Channeling Divine Energy to counter Divine Law is an unknown that could have great consequences to the healer. The enlightened healers, that we spoken to, really try to discourage us regular folks from healing. It's not like they are interested in having the 'market' to themselves. These enlightened healers are aware of the karma that healers can collect as these newly anointed newbie healers practice their skill. They are interested in both the wellbeing of the sick and the healer.  Sri Nithyananda, on the other hand, exploits people's desire to help others become healed.  Eager followers see this chance to become 'healers' as being a Divine service.  It seems to us that Sri Nithyananda then locks these followers into his franchise without giving a second thought about the karma they can collect. Sri Nithyananda doesn't seem very concerned about his own karma that he is collecting to say nothing of the karma that his followers are collecting.  He just uses his followers and every opportunity available to build his worldly empire at the expense of everything else.  We feel that this is horribly wrong.

For the record, we don't exactly want to discourage anyone from doing Divine healing, but we do want them to be aware that there is definitely a strong probability that a healer can collect unwanted karma from the act of healing. Yes, healing is not always a karma-free activity. We also want to stress our views that we feel that it is best to always have compassion toward anyone who is sick. Although the illness *might* be from karma, to blame the disease and justify it on the sick person as being that person's fault and then just to walk away is heartless. We recommend that seekers use prayers, modern medicine, Ayurveda, Chinese herbs, herbalist, etc. before attempting to intervene through healing energy.  The methods that work on the physical level, do not conflict with Divine Laws and the Divine stratum, so no bad karma gets transferred.  With prayers, someone is only requested the Divine to intervene for them, but this person is not actually doing the intervention, so prayer is a very safe method too. (We honestly don't know about acupuncture, but we'll look it up. For now, we'll assume that it is 'karma-transfer-free' healing.) When all else fails, a little compassion goes a long ways.

'Swami' Nithyananda, why are you putting your followers who have trusted you so much in such a dangerous place? Sri Nithyananda? Are you listening? Sorry to say, Sri Nithyananda, but it looks like you care very little about your own future and well-being, that other people's future and karma are just stepping stones to build your empire. Is this correct? After all, Sri Nithyananda, we caught you lying on from everything from your timeline, your birth date, your wandering, etc. Do you think that you are now believed when you say to your initiated healers, that the act of healing doesn't collect karma?

Yes, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we are a little disappointed in you. We see that your healing initiation is empty, the Parashakti Energy isn't yours, you use this energy to rope in and bind people to worship just you, and then you manipulate the misuse of this energy to recruit other potential victims. But, the worst thing of all, is that your victims who placed so much trust in you are getting screwed by collecting lots of unwanted karma. Nice.

And, Sri Nithyananda, we quoted this verse in the Bhagavad Gita over and over in this blog, here it is again:

Lord Krishna says:

Demigod-worshippers go to the demigods.
Ancestor-worshippers go to the ancestors.
Those who utilize ghosts, go to the ghosts.
And my devotees go to me (and are not born again).
(9.25)

So, Sri Nithyananda, we know you know better. Yet, you still go and cultivate graveyard energy and practice dark tantric rituals. As disappointed as we are with you, we really don't want to see you destined to be a ghost for thousands of years to come. It is not too late.

And, Sri Nithyananda, who we really have compassion for is all of your devotees that are following you with love and trust right down the same hole. You are just using them and wasting their lives and souls. If you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, really can't save yourself, at least don't let your followers go down the same drain. Stop this nonsense!

Did you hear us? When are you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, going to end this drama? Sri Nithyananda, are you listening?

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult.

Day 67: Sixty-seven days have passed since Sri Nithyananda's bloggers of the Parallel Universe of La-La Land have not answered our simple chronological questions. We'll keep on reminding them.

Day 88: Eighty-eight days have passed since Sri Nithyananda and his organizations have threatened a baseless lawsuit against us. We'll keep on counting.

Part 3: Swami Nithyananda's Record at Healing

Swami Nithyananda's Quackery Clone Pales to a Comparison
When we last left you in our blog post from yesterday, "Part 2: Nithyananda's Record at Healing" (recommended to read before Part), poor Swami Nithyananda almost had his five-hour lunch served by a real cute female disciple disturbed in order to answer more questions about Swami Nithyananda's healing record. Fortunately, we agreed to do the interview around five o'clock when Swami Nithyananda was finished sampling all of his tasty treats.

I enter Swami Nithyananda's personal quarters. His hair looks like he's been sleeping, but he looks, well, very drained. Wow, thanks, there, Swami Nithyananda. Rrraugghhmmm. My translator in gruntnese says that means to make it quick. Say, isn't that a pair of panties on the floor? Sri Nithyananda, were you getting in touch with your female energies or were you 'shedding' some of those female energies? Raragrruama. Oh, my Gruntanese translator tells me he's really pissed now. Better go lightly.

OK, Sri Nithyananda, since you're a healing 'enlightened' master, do you prioritize giving healing to those that ask? Swami Nithyananda, you will say, "Yes" (in that standard Gruntanese), but guess what, I will say, "Not really." Sri Nithyananda during the opening ceremony for the Vedic Temple in Montclair, so you remember how there were about six handicapped people lined up in wheel chairs, etc. waiting for your healing? And, did you attend to them? "Arghhhh", you, Sri Nithyananda, say. (That means, "of course", in Gruntanese. You know, I was beginning to wonder where Swami Nithyananda learned to talk like a  nethanderal man, and then I remembered; A CLICK! It must be natural to him. He lived in a cave for nine months after claiming to be 'enlightened'.) Yes, Sri Nithyananda, I think you eventually saw those people... after making them wait hours and hours. Did you, Swami Nithyananda, do this to make them value your 'healing' session even more? Or, did you, Sri Nithyananda, so this to use them as 'marketing props', so everyone who came to the temple could see that you, Sri Nithyananda, real live handicapped people waiting to be 'healed' by you, an 'enlightened 'healing' master? Or, did you do it because you, Sri Nithyananda, know that your so-called 'healing' is a load of cow dung and that everyone will see firsthand that these people will have no change in their lives? Anyway, I hope that you, Sri Nithyananda, at least gave them a crossword puzzle or something to help them pass all that time. While I'm waiting for your answer, I think I will work on my crossword puzzle now. Sri Nithyananda, what's a nine-letter word that describes your operation? The first four letters are C-H-A-R and the last three letters are T-A-N. (Click Here to find out the answer. Come on, it's pretty good.)

And, Swami Nithyananda, what about your ashramites? Is their health pretty good? Sri Nithyananda, if they can stand and work, that doesn't mean that they are healthy. After all, you make them work! work! work! with no sleep! no sleep! no sleep! in order to build your empire in record time. Without having much sleep, are you, Sri Nithyananda, afraid that they might get sick or hurt? Oh, yes, you will take care of it. I remember that's a standard line down at the ashram. Did you take care of it after Sevakananda, Paramananda, and Bhatkananda had all those auto accidents? And, wasn't there some white guy in your ashram that worked so hard that he fell asleep at the wheel while driving a big truck on the freeway, much to the horror of his passenger from Ohio? Wow, Sri Nithyananda, I guess you're right. It would only take a miraculous 'healing' master to prevent them from having a serious or fatal accident. Just the same, I never saw a bunch of cars get dented so fast than visiting your ashram.

Now, that you, Sri Nithyananda, have taken care of that part of not having any sleep, how about the health issues of having sleep deprivations? After all, wouldn't it be nice to have healthy ashramites to represent an 'enlightened' healing master? Sri Nithyananda, you do recommend meditation and yoga?  Or, at least that's a way you, Swami Nithyananda, can draw people into your organization. So with all that sattvic (pure) food, meditations, and yoga, how come a lot of your ashramites got so overweight?

Swami Nithyananda. Hello. Swami Nithyananda. Do'h! Sumadhi again. I have one last picture. Oh, Sri Nithyananda, here's a very pretty picture of an ideal disciple of yours. She obviously pays a lot of attention to where her 'inner world' meets the 'outer world', in fact, that's probably why she's a lingerie model.

Sri Nithyananda, welcome back. So, why did the ashramites get so super-sized? Oh, I remember now. They don't need to do any of that meditation and yoga stuff. They're already 'enlightened'. And, besides, you will take care of them... and doing service is much better than that beginner's stuff like meditations and yoga. So, that explains all those extra pounds. True, Swami Nithyananda, you do 'require' your ashramites to do Nithya Dhyaan, your standard meditation everyday, early in the morning... but the ashramites are never held accountable to do that... and when they just had three hours of sleep, getting up to do Nithya Dhyaan just doesn't seem that worth while when you just experienced the ecstasy of sleep deprivations. So, that's how you get all of your ashramites to have visions, just take away their sleep and then their body logic takes over their mind logic. Makes perfect sense to me. So, I'm getting an understanding, Swami Nithyananda, you let your ashramites get so overweight out of your compassion and love. For now, with your ashramites, there's definitely more to love. Crystal clear.

Then of course there is your golden boy, Swami Medhananda. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, Swami Medhananda is sure good at imitating you. Medhananda knows all of your stories and the same Osho jokes that you, Sri Nithyananda, also tell. Some think that he is the only one of your disciples, besides you, Sri Nithyananda, who is genuinely enlightened. Swami Nithyananda, do you think that instead of Sri Nithya Medhananda Swami, a better name would be Sri Nithya Mini-Meananda Swami? Maybe you can wait until his last documentation such as credit cards, driver license, passport, everything is changed over to his latest spiritual name, then you can change his name from Sri Nithya Medhananda Swami to Sri Nithya Mini-Meananda Swami? What do you think? That would be perfect in making sure that you, Sri Nithyananda, are really 'working on him'.

So, Sri Nithyananda, if Swami Medhananda is like your Mini-Me, do you think that it might be a good investment to perform some laser eye surgery so that Swami Medhananda is not wearing those thick coke-bottom-glasses? And, Sri Nithyananda, you really need to let Swami Medhananda see a doctor about his swollen feet that has that inflamed skin condition with peeling skin oozing with inflected blisters. Sri Nithyananda, I know that is probably why you require him to wear sandals and socks indoors everywhere. A lot of people think that Swami Medhananda's foot attire is part of an entitlement package of being enlightened. Yes, having Swami Medhananda wearing shoes and socks does add to both of your mystics. Brilliant idea, there, Sri Nithyananda. Swami Medhananda's footwear requirement not only keeps your reputation intact but also prevents anyone from getting the same disease that Swami Medhananda has. I guess that is called preventative healing. Good on you, Nithyananda. This way, those donations keep flowing and you do not have to spend a single dime on a doctor. That’s good business sense.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.

Part 2: Nithyananda's Record at Healing

Nithyananda Gets a Doctor's Note
When we last left you in our blog post from yesterday, "Part 1: Nithyananda's Record at Healing" (recommended to read first), poor Sri Nithyananda seemed to have passed out from the very thought of us posting information on how someone who has attended his programs at the Vedic Temple in Montclair, Los Angeles, or suffered from a loved one who has attended any function in the Vedic Temple in Montclair, which is close to Los Angeles...

(Please note that we purposely repeat the term Vedic Temple in Montclair / Los Angeles so that Google will nicely index the keywords "Vedic Temple Montclair Los Angeles" so that anyone who does a search for "Nithyananda Vedic Temple Los Angeles exactly in Montclair" will be able to find this post about Nithyananda and his Vedic Temple in Montclair within the greater Los Angeles region. We apologies for the repetition of using the keywords of Vedic Temple Montclair Los Angeles.)

Where were we?... oh, yes, if anyone attended a function at the Vedic Temple in Montclair that is close to Los Angeles, that person could make a legal claim against, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, the Vedic Temple in Montclair, which is just a few miles from Los Angeles, and his cult. (Stay tuned for a future post.)

To help Sri Nithyananda come out of his 'instant' and convenient samadhi's, I brought along some pictures of some very attractive ladies to help him regain his awareness. Let's see if this works.

Sri Nithyananda, I'm so glad that we're back together again to continue this discussion about your healing record and help to clarify it. Sri Nithyananda, are you going into samadhi already or are you just rolling your eyes? Sri Nithyananda, since you claim that you are an 'enlightened' healing master, do you ever get sick? You will say, "No." OK, I thought that is what you would say. After all, if anyone ever sees you, Sri Nithyananda, get sick, that would kind of ruin the market, kind of like being a pregnant prostitute, wouldn't it? Sri Nithyananda, you can't go into samadhi this early. We barely got started. OK, Sri Nithyananda, could you help explain the special ingredients that must help an 'enlightened' master that specifically found in Airborne®? Yes, we know that you munch on Airborne® as if it were popcorn or something. Is that why you're packing all those extra pounds? Come on, Sri Nithyananda, you have to admit that your face has grown chubbier than a chipmunk. Sri Nithyananda, where do you get your supply of Airborne®? Do you have your 'trusted' devotees bring them to you? Of course, you do. Why, we even know some of the people who supplied you all this Airborne® before you gone off on you journeys, you know when you sit in the first class cabin of some big jet, why you make your assistant, Ma Nithyananda Gopika, sit in the cattle cart section of economy coach. I'm sure the attractive flight attendants give you all the attention you need to help make it through that long, lonely journey.

Speaking of Ma Nithyananda Gopika, how's she doing, Sri Nithyananda? Does she still carry all of your oversized luggage and your big, big, big gold accessories? That's pretty heavy lifting there, Sri Nithyananda. And, Sri Nithyananda, why does your luggage sound like a pair of maracas? Oh, that's her luggage, not your luggage, Sri Nithyananda. OK, so why does Ma Nithyananda Gopika's luggage sound like a pair of maracas? Let's take a look. Oh, it is full of extra strength painkillers. Why would anyone around an 'enlightened' healing master be carrying around bottles of painkiller?

Sri Nithyananda, you're going into samadhi again. Here, look at this picture of this pretty lady. She is a traditional belly dancer. Maybe you can have her do a performance at one of your traditional functions? Oh, yes, you're right. Perhaps you, Sri Nithyananda, better have a private screening first, just to make sure of her qualifications.

OK, Sri Nithyananda, I'm glad you're out of samadhi. Now, why does your personal assistant, Ma Nithyananda Gopika carry, all those pain relief pills on her? Oh, that's right. She has severe back pain. You, know, Sri Nithyananda, you might want to give her a little attention and heal her back. That would be a nice thing to do for her, after she has done all of this work for you; you know, Sri Nithyananda, she works almost 24x7 just for you. It is only fair. And, that way, Sri Nithyananda, others won't ever question your healing abilities.

Sri Nithyananda, Ma Nithyananda's back problems are not attributed to you, are they? After all, it is a well-known fact that you do break the backs of all your ashramites. Do they ever get any rest? Do they ever stop working? Do they ever have a day off? OK, Sri Nithyananda, we'll save that one for another post.

Sri Nithyananda, back to you. Have you ever gotten visibly sick? Not at least to the point that anyone ever has noticed? OK, Sri Nithyananda, I know you will say, "No." That response was pretty easy to guess, but once again, Sri Nithyananda, you're wrong. Sri Nithyananda, do you remember your first NSP program held in Newark, close to Fremont, California in the Bay Area / San Jose region of California in 2004? Of course you do. Why Sri Nithyananda, the air circulation in that hotel, the Holiday Inn Express, was way off, and everyone got sick, except for you because you are an 'enlightened' healing master, correct? However, you did hold a little orange handkerchief, and that little orange handkerchief did some magic trick around your nose about every 30 seconds. And, Sri Nithyananda, your voice sounded pretty raspy too. Was that due to some fire ritual or was it due to yelling at the people who you were traveling with?

And, what about that time in St. Louis, 2007 to be exact?  Your nose was running longer and faster than a marathon finalist during that final sprint for the finish.  And, all that coughing of yours; was that your special gift to attendees?  Why you, Sri Nithyananda, could market this as a special technique of 'hack' your way to 'enlightenment', but probably just being in your presence is enough.  And, that handkerchief that you used that day, what did you, Sri Nithyananda, do with that?  I hope you disposed of it properly.  I could just imagine some deluded followers of yours proudly displaying that filthy piece of cloth in their prayer room.  "Yes, you see all this snout and buggers?  That's from an 'enlightened' healing master!  It radiates energy.", and germs, no doubt.  Sri Nithyananda, did you ever release a video about the 'truths' you revealed in St. Louis in 2007 when you were so sick?  We thought you would say "no".  Better to re-record those after you had some Airborne®.

Sri Nithyananda, that seems to be quite a trap you worked yourself into. Now, you can never get sick or show any one that your not feeling well, or your validity vanishes even faster than your ashramites' life savings. What if you get high blood pressure or something? I bet you have to work extra hard to hush-hush that. I bet all it will take, Sri Nithyananda, is for someone to throw a couple of banana peels your way, and then you slip right into your own trap. I hope, Sri Nithyananda, you can escape from this. Would this be a new form of 'enlightenment'?

Wait, Sri Nithyananda, there must be a way out of this trap. I know, each time you get a common cold or something, you can claim that you have taken on the karma of a severe trauma patient who happens to be related to a big donor and say that I have taken on and am burning off that poor person's karma. This way, you can still be human and get sick, and get the gratitude of some big donor who will be glad to write a big check and hope that you get even sicker next time. Why this works with just about anyone, Sri Nithyananda. I bet you, Sri Nithyananda, can say things like "You would have gotten in a terrible auto accident, but instead, I got this cold sore near my lip. It is through my grace, as an 'enlightened' master that I took this cold sore on." Wow, Sri Nithyananda, I see the checkbooks opening now! Sri Nithyananda, you could now say that you suck up other people's bad karma like a big sponge.  Others might then say that you are truly a spiritual sponge.

Sri Nithyannda, do you remember shortly after you opened the Vedic Temple in Montclair and one of your followers came to you with their child who had a severe, chronic, incapacitating, debilitating illness? Sri Nithyananda, are you going into samadhi again? Listen. You did several 'healings' on this child, and at one point you boldly proclaimed that, "You are healed!" The mother of this child had so much trust in you and your healing capabilities that she took her child off the medication. Two days later, her child was in serious condition and almost rushed to the emergency room if the medicine (not your 'healing') was not resumed. Why that could have resulted in a big lawsuit and perhaps even criminal charges. Do you remember this, Sri Nithyananda? Sri Nithyananda, can you hear me? Dang. He's gone into samadhi again. Sri Nithyananda, I'm holding a picture of a very attractive lady in a nurse outfit. Boy, that hemline on her skirt seems very short for a nurse uniform; in fact, there's not much of a hemline at all. Do you think she's a real nurse just as you, Sri Nithyananda, are a real 'healer'? Ah, I knew you would come to, Sri Nithyananda.

Sri Nithyananda, what do you say when you cannot heal someone but there still alive? Yes, we already know your trick about saying that you healed their soul, but not their body, when they died. But, what if they don't die, but still not healed? Sri Nithyananda, you're going into samadhi again. Snap out of it! I'm almost out of pictures. Let me help you. One of our blog readers wrote in to tell us a story that you told in your book, "Guaranteed Solutions". You said that you went to heal the person and then this person's 'being' (I guess you mean soul) came out and talked to you. That conversation was in Tamil, even though the 'patient' never spoke Tamil before. Nandri. Vanakkam. And, according to you, that being said to you, "Hands off! I want to live a nice life being taken care of. I don't want to be healed!" Do you remember this, Sri Nithyananda?

Although I couldn't find this reference in my edition of "Guaranteed Solutions", first edition, Dec. 2005, I remember the first time that you said something like this was at the first acharya (teacher) training program in the Siddhachalam Jain Temple in New Jersey in September 2004. During the acharya training, there was a very dedicated and sincere family with an autistic child. Without mentioning their names, you, Sri Nithyananda, blurted out this 'truth'. The child's mother was very upset, naturally, and we all knew who you were talking about. Sri Nithyananda, did you really mean to pit off the parents of an autistic child versus their devotion for you? Now, families that have relatives or children that cannot be healed by you can now blame their sick loved ones for having uncooperating souls. That's quite a coup there, Sri Nithyananda. Are there other ways that you, Sri Nithyananda, go and break up families? (Hint: look for future posts.) I imagine that you need to be very careful before you play this card, because some families might even believe their loved ones more than the stories from an 'enlightened' healing master, Sri Nithyananda. At that point, these non-believers will just close their checkbooks and miss. Sri Nithyananda, that could really hurt. Neither do you get their donations and they miss your blessings. Scandalous. But, if you carefully plan and calculate the family's devotion to you, by using this tactic, you, Sri Nithyananda, go unscathed and still rack in big donations. Sri Nithyananda, you're quite a baller!

Sri Nithyananda, you say that it is lunchtime? But, we are not finished yet. Oh, I see there's a young attractive lady who has brought you your lunch. Sri Nithyananda, can we finish this conversation after you have your lunch? What? In five hours? But, it doesn't take five hours to eat lunch, does it? OK, OK, you look thoroughly not happy, Sri Nithyananda. I'll come back after five hours, but we need to get this clear so nobody will have any doubts about you, Sri Nithyananda, and your healing abilities any more.

To be continued...

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.

Part 1: 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's Record at Healing

So-Called 'Swami' Nithyananda, a Well Healed Master
Paramahamsa Nithyananda, do you remember when you first came to the U.S. and you said that healing was your calling card? "Aghhhh." Nice grunt there, Sri Nithyananda. We have a translator and we understand that "Aghhhh" means "Yes" in Gruntanese. By the way, will Gruntanese be your official language when you do finally get that country you've been aiming for? Sorry, I didn't mean to side track you from your busy schedule. There's a lot potential donors in the audience and you need to work each one so they will give you the maximum. Sorry, Sri Nithyananda, this won't take very long at all.

So, Sri Nithyananda, can you tell us about your miraculous healing abilities? Does your healing energy always work? Sorry, there, Sri Nithyananda, but your wrong again. You’re a little spotty there, kind of like your healing energy. If someone comes for healing and you say in your trademark language "You will be healed.” and for some reason, that person is not healed and keels over and dies, what do you tell them, Sri Nithyananda? We want to hear. After all, your reputation and ability to score big donations and possibly a cut of someone's will is at stake. Tell us, Sri Nithyananda. We want to know. Sri Nithyananda, are you in Samadhi again? You just look very blank and expressionless. Oh, I remember what you tell these people, you, Sri Nithyananda, say "I healed the soul." Wow, that seems like a full proof alibi. That's almost as good as your ‘immaculate conception’ story (note: future blog post)... that way, you're never held responsible... and the dead person is never going to bother you... in fact you might be able to enlist them into your service of slavery with a few red chilies and camp fire ritual. Pretty cool. And, the survivors, who just might be flushed with an inheritance, (we know you give lots of attention to the rich donors... because they have more time to be confused, and you pity them, right?...) Anyway, these rich donors just might be willing to write you an even bigger check if you say the right thing... and saying that you healed their soul (after dying) is just the thing. Completely unverifiable... but if the survivors are under your sway, they will just blush thinking that they did the best thing they ever could have done in their lives is to bring their sick loved ones to be blessed with your special ‘healing’ touch right before they croaked. Ah, you're too good for us, Sri Nithyananda.

Tell, me, Sri Nithyananda, since you healed their soul, does that make you a shoe repairman? Oh, that's the wrong type of soul. This soul is as in 'soul mate', and in husband and wife. Wow, what happens when one of your soul mate devotees gets a divorced over you, say like that Sri Nithya Ajara, a.k.a. Arun Prasant? Remember, he's one of your special priests in California that not only divorced his wife because of you, but then went and womanized to make even more divorces. Is it something like the sole of the shoe doesn't fit the foot? So, all these 'souls' need refitting and you heeled, I mean healed them? Sri Nithyananda, when you say healed them, do you really mean 'heeled' them? It seems like these people got a kick from you... but when you have your own priest doing really bad things, you never even think of kicking him out of your order. Why's that? Are your womanizing priests good for business? I mean that priest will draw more willing and gullible ladies closer to your sphere and test them out for you? And, then they all become confused... so they need special guidance from an ‘enlightened’ master, and perhaps some special healing energy? Sri Nithyananda, you're such a marketing stud. If Bernie Madoff had you as a healing master, I bet he'd still be in business enjoying the good life. Don't worry, Sri Nithyananda, I'm sure you'll find some other opportunities like Mr. Madoff.

Sri Nithyananda, let's look at some of your healing record right now. Sri Nithyananda, can you heal gray hairs? Another session of Samadhi? Why look, Sri Nithyananda, two years ago, you really had a bumper crop of gray hairs? Where are all those gray hairs now? Come to think of it, in the last six years, you, Sri Nithyananda, look like you have aged even faster than your incredible banyan tree, but don't worry, Sri Nithyananda, we'll roast you about this in another post. Back to those gray hairs... can you heal them? Do they really matter? Another instant case of Samadhi! Wake up, Sri Nithyananda, and smell the instant coffee. Do you remember that you told some of your swamis to dye their hair back in 2006? I'll help you remember, you, Sri Nithyananda told Sri Nithya Bhaktananda Swami and Sri Nithya Paramananda to dye their hair. That way, they look like youthful studs, and attract the younger crowd... and those younger ladies are much more useful than those older ladies, at least that what it seems like to you, Sri Nithyananda? Now, I know you, Sri Nithyananda, are faking another round of Samadhi. But, honestly, Sri Nithyananda, all those times you gave people your darshan, I never saw any old ladies with gray hair by your side. But, Sri Nithyananda, don't you know, if you surround yourself with all these young ladies and swamis with dyed hair, you are not going to look that young any more. Why in comparison, you are looking more like Jaggi Vasudev of the Isha Foundation. Isn't that one of your rivals? Don't you want to market yourself as a distinction from him? Oh, I get it now; you want to like Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh), for Osho is definitely the model for everything about you. How silly of me to forget. Sorry, Sri Nithyananda, we’re off track again, but please no more Samadhi's.

Back to those gray hairs... so Sri Nithyananda, if you really wanted to, could you just heal your swamis' gray hair? After all, it costs a lot of money to purchase hair dye, and you don't like to have those additional expenses, do you? Oh, you said that you pity all of the people employed at Grecian Formula ® would be out of work if you healed all those gray hairs. How thoughtful of you. I guess this means that workers at Rogaine and Viagra will not be hurting any time soon either. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, you are sure thoughtful.

Sri Nithyananda, I guess you are right. Why bother to heal something when you can just get it from a bottle. After all, you don't really want to be wasting all your time with graying, balding, and impotent men. That's not what you came down to this planet to do. Healing young, attractive ladies to overcome their fears of intimacy, now that seems to be much more rewarding. Why that even sounds like one of your trademark slogans, "Just relax and surrender to me, the 'enlightened' master. I'll take care of the rest." I bet you will, Sri Nithyananda.

Sri Nithyananda, are people who are under your special healing energy going to be healed faster? That would make sense? Oh, you say "Yes". Sorry, wrong again. Sri Nithyananda, didn't one of your volunteers in 2007 hurt his arm while installing the big, big, big statues of deities in your Vedic Temple in Montclair, California? Has his arm recovered? Where did you go, Sri Nithyananda? Oh, Samadhi again. We really need to stop this instant Samadhi thing. We understand, Sri Nithyananda that after two years, this person's arm has not recovered at all. This poor guy received at least five healing treatments from you, and now, two years later, the doctors have him on physical therapy. The doctors say that he will never fully recover. Wow, your big, big, big, statues of deities sure do bring people good luck. Break a leg, kid. I’m only joking, Sri Nithyananda.

Hey, Sri Nithyananda, since this guy got hurt while at your temple, can he make a claim against your insurance? (Watch for a future post complete with forms on how to claim injuries including brainwashing that occurred at the Vedic Temple in Montclair, California for you and your loved ones.) Sri Nithyananda, I'm sure you would like to see this person get healed or at least have him shut up and not even hint that you're healing energy is useless?  Is this correct?

Oh, Sri Nithyananda. Did you just pass out? Or is this a real Samadhi? Help! Help! Is there a doctor in the house? Oh, Sri Nithyananda, you look so sick and pale. We'll continue to investigate your healing energies tomorrow, when you are feeling better.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.