WARNING! 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's YouTube Videos are Not Safe for Families or at Work - Extreme Fraud!

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!:
These YouTube Videos are Not Safe at Work, Temples or with Families - Viewer Discretion is Advised.

OK, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, we're going the low road here, but things don't get much lower than you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, and your cult. The viewers need to see what you are like in your private domain. You see, Sri Nithyananda, there's the holy you who sits on 24K golden thrones that were purchased by sincere devotees thinking that their money was going to help humanity. And, then there's the private you, who does very naughty things with married ladies or very young ladies. Either way, you, Swami Nithyananda, have robbed the innocence of young ladies or have ruined the sanctuary of holy marriage. We won't even go into the details on how you encourage ladies to take off their thali / mangala sutras (sacred gold chains that women wear to symbolize a holy marriage). You, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, are a disgrace to anything and everything in this world. Here's the blow-by-blow proof of you and your friend being caught red handed.

WARNING: THESE VIDEOS ARE NOT SAFE AT WORK, AROUND CHILDREN, OR AT TEMPLES. VIEW WITH DISCRETION!






Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.

Day 87: Eighty-seven days have passed since Sri Nithyananda's bloggers of the Parallel Universe of La-La Land have not answered our simple chronological questions. We'll keep on reminding them.

Day 109: One hundred and nine days have passed since Sri Nithyananda and his organizations have threatened a baseless lawsuit against us. We'll keep on counting.

More YouTube Videos About 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's Fraud

'Swami' Nithyananda is a Riot! and His Spin on His Sin Has Spun Out
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda.  We don't know where you are, but we know that you can hear us.  We imagine that you, Sri Nithyananda, are hiding in some closet some place.  It might be a foreign country, but definitely a closet.

Hey, Sri Nithyananda, those videos just don't seem to go away.  You were successful in knocking off the very first video, but then they just kept coming.  Maybe this is the 'Blue Ocean' strategy at work.  It's just too many too soon and it's swallowing you.

We're tired, Sri Nithyananda, but we would like to get a few more of these videos up for everyone. In this video, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, sure certainly inspired and transferred a lot of energy.  Look!  A riot in your honor.  Why we bet that Swami Vivekananda never inspired followers quite like that.  We're sure, that you, Sri Nithyananda, can brag about that in your next book.  Perhaps, that book will be published while you're in jail, but that's a minor detail.  But, don't worry, Sri Nithyananda, jail isn't so bad.  Your idle, Osho, spent some time there.  And, you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, can now claim that you were crucified just like Jesus Christ.  Well, not many people will believe you, Sri Nithyananda, but some of your followers might relate.  Here, let's take a look at all that rioting:



Sri Nithyananda, those guys look pretty angery. Were these the husbands of the ladies you, Sri Nithyananda, gave your special 'healing' energy? Were they the brothers of these ladies? Were they the cousins? The uncles? The parents? You, 'Swami' Nithyananda, sure know how to make people come together and really accomplish something.

Look, here, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. Do you remember about how you lectured about not chiseling people? Well, apparently these rioters all have their muladhara chakras (root centers) locked. Look, they are really chiseling you. And, look! Further proof that their muladhara chakras are locked. They still have burning desires that never seem to tire. Don't let all that smoke get into your eyes, Sri Nithyananda. And, look, there's a very efficient person. He's cleaning his shoes and your mouth at the same time. Isn't that touching, Sri Nithyananda?



And, in this video, Sri Nithyananda, we have more of the same, but at 6:09, we can see your spokesperson came out and defended the indefensible. It reminded us just like Karna in the Mahabharata. You remember, Sri Nithyananda, he was the 'good guy' on the wrong side. As great as he was and generous as he was, he still went down with the sinking ship of the Kauravas. Sri Nithyananda, we really don't want your good people to drown in your Blue Ocean Strategy. Please offer them a lifeboat and a chance to get out. Anyway, here is the video:



Here's a full transcript of what your spokesperson said @6:09:

This is in response to the defamatory video on Paramahamsa Nithyananda aired by SunTV on the night of March 2nd, 2010. At this moment, we feel that a mix of conspiracy, graphics, and rumor are at play in these recent events (or trends) that have unfolded. We are working on a legal recourse of action and will come up with updates in due course of time. These times, we would wish to assure the laks (100,000) of devotees, and well-wishers, whose sentiments have been deeply hurt by this conspiracy. We thank all devotees and disciples for standing with us during these times.

In the past seven years of his (Nithyananda's) public life, Paramahamsa Nithyananda has been a transformation of force in the lives of over two million people across numerous countries, around the world. The powerful truths he lives and shares and his personality and authenticity have made his teaching relevant across religion and class. Those who have experienced the compassion and ways of Swamiji, no further proof is necessary.

Yet, we request that you recall the life solutions of Swamiji that have provided a powerful spiritual anchor for millions in these turbulent times. Let the clarity of your experience speak for itself and give you the inner-strength to tie you over the difficult times.

For those whose allegation might be your introduction to Paramahamsa Nithyananda, we wish to convey that Nithyananda Dhyanapeetam is a worldwide movement, which is committed to bringing a true awakening to all irrespective to race, gender, or nationality. Reviving the timeless Vedic wisdom, in the light of modern living, the Mission creates opportunities for powerful transformation for the individual and the community. In keeping with Vedic culture, the Nithyananda Order includes married couples and families from traditional and reputed families. All brahmacharis (male monks) and brahmacharins (female monks) are enrolled only with the written consent of their parents.

Nithyananda Dhyanapeetam services includes meditation, anti-addiction (??) centers, and castes (??) touching over 2,000 people. Over 7,000 ordained healers, healing over 20,000 people globally everyday. 10,000 meals distributed every week at ashrams, schools, medical camps, and to the needy. Over 30 Vedic temples and ashrams worldwide. Meditation programs in prisons and in schools.

Boy Sri Nithyananda, we agree with your spokesperson about the graphics part. Seeing you share all that energy with that lady was certainly graphic. And, Sri Nithyananda, what type of updates will you really being coming up with? We don't think that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, should be up on any more dates until this blows over. And, you, Sri Nithyananda, are thanking all those people who are standing by you during these times, but how about all those ladies who are not standing by you but instead they are laying besides you. Will you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, thank them too? So, when you, Sri Nithyananda, said that you share powerful truths were these same powerful truths you, Sri Nithyananda, shared with that lady? And, when you said that your teachings were relevant across religions and class, does that mean that you, Sri Nithyananda, would do just about any lady who is willing?

And, when you, Sri Nithyananda said that those who have experienced your compassion and ways, such as beating, hitting, torturing, mind games, etc, no further proof is necessary. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, we agree. No further proof is necessary to show us that you are pure fraud and should be placed in a prison. And, when you mention about the transformation for the individual and the community, does that mean what happens in your bedroom (for the individual) and the riots (for the community)? Yes, we can agree to that. And, Sri Nithyananda, when you say that you 'touched over 2,000 people', is that the same touch we saw in your bedroom? Wow, Sri Nithyananda, you get around more than Wilt Chamberlain.  And, what exactly do you mean by "healing over 20,000 people globally every day?" Is this the same globes you're healing like on that lady friend in that video?

And, finally, Sri Nithyananda, we have this video of you giving one of your lectures side-by-side with that graphical illusion that some high tech person who obviously works at Pixar must have created to make this conspiracy look so realistic. Here's the video:



Wow, Sri Nithyananda, we can remember one of your best lectures is where you mentioned that people always project something much greater than themselves in the outer world than they really are in their private world. We have to thank you for demonstrating this so clearly for us. It must have been a real effort to look so ridiculously silly, we mean only an 'enlightened' master could possibly stoop so low just to give us that graphical understanding. We are all in your debt, Sri Nithyananda. In fact, there's lots of people in debt because of you. Some of our contributors are on the verge of losing their homes and have lost their families because of you. Perhaps, Sri Nithyananda, you can repay your debt to society sooner than you think. Don't worry, Sri Nithyananda; we'll work hard for you on that issue.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.

Day 87: Eighty-seven days have passed since Sri Nithyananda's bloggers of the Parallel Universe of La-La Land have not answered our simple chronological questions. We'll keep on reminding them.

Day 109: One hundred and nine days have passed since Sri Nithyananda and his organizations have threatened a baseless lawsuit against us. We'll keep on counting.

'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda Gets Busted in Sex Scam. Fraud! Fraud! Fraud!

Video Available!

'Swami' Nithyananda Caught with His Dhoti Down
Hey, there, Sri Nithyananda, looks like you had a rough night.  Get any sleep?  We heard you've been in samadhi for the last nine days.  Is this, like, your version of nine-nights of prayer?  But, what type of goddess do you, Sri Nithyananda, pray to?  Oh, we see, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda pray to film goddesses.

And, before we forget, Sri Nithyananda, Happy Holi! Yes, Swami Nithyananda, Holi happened right at the time of all this excitement. It's very colorful, just like you. We love the story about how the innocence of the little guy was able to send the wicked demon to her fiery death. 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, do you see a connection here?

Wow, your mission is sure getting famous.  You, Sri Nithyananda, have been giving personal energy darshan to hot actresses.  You, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, sure have upgraded your room service.  Looks like you're getting more than just food.  Dinner and a show.  There's a big feature about you on SunTV, let's look:



And, here's a Telugu Version of the same video:

More YouTube Videos about the Cult of Nithyananda

Wow, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, we never saw you give energy darshan with you legs that way before.  That poor lady must have been very sick. She even got mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. But, lucky for her that after receiving all of your healing energy, she was able to jump right out of your bed, oh, we mean, energy circle, and look as fit as a fiddle.  She even had the curves of a fiddle.  Wow, Sri Nithyananda.  My grandmother is not feeling so well.  Will you give her that special healing too?  And, was that a new yoga pose we saw from you?  You, Sri Nithyananda, sure seemed flexible.  Like a human rubber-man.

And, Swami Nithyananda, what was that you were petting?  Were you taking away some negative energy? Or was it part of your holistic approach to healing? We thought your initiated healers were supposed to use 'healing sticks' in that region.  We guess that since you are an 'enlightened' master, those rules don't apply to you.

And, on your computer, Sri Nithyananda, what video were you watching?  Looks like it involved some sheep.  Was that part of your flock or just more fleece?  And, it looks like all of your donors really were fleeced.  But, the video you were playing wasn't that clear.  And, 'Swami' Nithyananda, what was that you were popping into your mouth, at least twice?  Was that medication?  What type of medication, Sri Nithyananda? Were these 'Bliss Pills', He-Man pills, or just not-feeling-very-well pills?

And, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, judging by all the little knick-knacks around the room that was no hotel.  Was this sacred healing happening in your pad at the ashram?  Wow, Sri Nithyananda, maybe one of your inner-circle, you know, probably one of the folks that you beat again and again turned on you and planted that spy camera. Why would they ever do that, Sri Nithyananda?  We thought that you were a big hit with all of them, at least the ones that you broke your cane over their heads.  And, Sri Nithyananda, was that a peek of the famous 'paramahamsa' bird we heard you talk so much about?  Was that the same bird that never really touched the ground and never went through all of that teenage angst and hormones?  That really was a glimpse of the master.  We're glad we didn't miss.

And, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, are you still experimenting with immaculate conception like you bragged about in 2007?  Did you get any results from this immaculate conception?  If you did, you, Sri Nithyananda, really should help pay for child support.  It is only fair.  Judging by this video, Sri Nithyananda, you still do practice immaculate conception.  Just look how clean and tidy your sanyasi dhoti cloth (renunciate monk clothes) still was.  We bet you did the whole exercise routine without even taking your dhoti off, and still we bet it doesn't even need to be washed.  We guess we can just call you Mr. Clean from now on.  Will you come clean, there, Sri Nithyananda?

'Swami' Nithyananda, nothing really surprises us with you any more.  It used to, but not any more.  That shock factor just seems to have slipped away.  But, there was something today that really did surprise us, Sri Nithyananda.  That was how nonchalant you were during the whole yoga and healing exercises that you did.  It looks like you have done this many times before.  So, Sri Nithyananda, how many times have you done these yoga and healing exercises and how many different women got to experience the 'inner' you?  We bet that could be a pretty long list of just about anyone you thought was worthy and willing to experience your 'energy'.

And what is there here, 'Swami' Nithyananda.  Is this one of your videos?  Is it called, "From Lust to Liberation (A Discourse delivered at Inner Awakening & Life Bliss Engineering LBE)"?  That sure looks like some great advice.  If we follow these techniques, Sri Nithyananda, will the goodies of divinity just unfold in front of us and surround us with its pleasurable healing effect?



So, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, are you still a 'Paramahamsa', you know just like Paramahamsa Ramakrishna?  And, Sri Nithyananda, what's going to happen at your ashrams?  Will there be a big charter bus to take everyone away?  Will you, 'Swami' Nithyananda attend the Kumbha Mela festivities?  Will you, Sri Nithyananda, lead the procession?  We're sure that everyone will be able to recognize you now.  And what about your programs, Sri Nithyananda?  Is there a new awakening in your Inner Awakening program?  We bet the participants never thought that they would get so much churning.  And, how are all the ashrams doing there, Sri Nithyananda?  We understand that there are a lot of people out there that would like to do a big fire ritual and burn the whole place down.  Maybe you, Sri Nithyananda, can add some red chilies to the whole affair so it won't be a total loss.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.

Day 86: Eighty-six days have passed since Sri Nithyananda's bloggers of the Parallel Universe of La-La Land have not answered our simple chronological questions. We'll keep on reminding them.

Day 108: One hundred and eight days have passed since Sri Nithyananda and his organizations have threatened a baseless lawsuit against us. We'll keep on counting.

'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's Firefly 'Enlightenment'; Where It Lands, Nobody Knows

'Swami' Nithyananda Revises His Final 'Enlightenment' Story
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. What's going on? You just postponed your 'Healer's Initiation Program' in Bidadi that was scheduled for February 27  & 28, until July 2010.  Was this cancellation because nobody wants to collect bad karma from your so-called 'healing' energy? Or was your Healer's Initiation cancelled due to illness?  Likewise, we understand you had a no-show for your NSP program.  Did you get spooked?  Is it true that you refunded all of the participants' money?  Good thing you did, Sri Nithyananda.  Otherwise, we could easily call you on fraud.  We also heard a rumor that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda had a big hangover.  Didn't you know that hanging out at graveyards late at night was going to lead to something like this?  Will you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, still be having your 'Inner Awakening' program and attending Kumbha Mela?  Perhaps those photo ops in Kumbha Mela are not going to turn out so well if everyone can see that you've become the embodiment of pain.  And speak of the devil, you, know, Sri Nithyananda, since Ayya or Swami Sadhananda left the States empty handed, will you beat him for failing?  Your cult might need a little more disciplijne.  And, Sri Nithyananda, looks like you on your Twitter Dhyanapeetam account is following our tweets?  Aren't you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, suppose to be a leader not a follower?  Your cult won't last very long if you keep this up. And, apparently the luster on your Jayanti (sacred anniversary) celebration bash where you celebrate your alleged birthday of January 1, 1978 and your ultimate experience of 'enlightenment' has faded.  Wow, that was pretty brave of you to roll those up into one day considering that your birthday landing on January 1, 1978 seems to be way off the scale of reality. Next year, will there be an extra celebration of your 'enlightenment' day as to get your devotees off the fact that your birthday doesn't look like it really was on that day? "Rraaara." snapped Sri Nithyananda. Hmmmmmm, our gruntanese translator says that a sign he's getting in a foul mode really quickly.

OK, Sri Nithyananda, we mean Paramahamsa Nithyananda, we'll get right to the point. Where was that final place of the 'ultimate' experience of your so-called 'enlightenment'? Where exactly was that? Now, don't tell us it was in Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. That was in California, and you didn't reach California until 2003. So, don't try to trick us with that answer. "RRRRRRaaaaaaagggggrooooooph!", snarled the 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. Oh, our gruntanese translator said that he didn't like the sound of that.

Well, you see there, Sri Nithyananda, you revised the number of years you wandered from nine years to just six years as we pointed out in our post titled "Backpedaling Keeper of Revised 'Truths', Nithyananda, Required to Embellish His Story (Again)".  And, so you 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda remember how you also revised the number of miles you wandered up to 70,000 miles from originally 18,641 miles? Because of all these revisions, we wouldn't be at all surprised if you also revised your place of your 'final' ultimate experience of 'enlightenment'.  Yes, 'Swami' Nithyananda, you've done a very good job of evading of mentioning that place where you had that 'ultimate' experience. In your book, Formless in Form, you, Sri Nithyananda, went into details about the experience of your so-called 'enlightenment' but said nada to the actual place it 'happened' in. Same with your 2003 PDF titled "Yet to be Discovered", or many of your other publications. But, wait, on your recently delinked website about the 'founder':

http://srianandeshwaratemple.dhyanapeetam.org/founder.html

you mentioned "the banks of the river Narmada". Let's take a look:

Nithyananda's single-minded pursuit of the Divine truth led to deeper and more profound experiences over the years. Finally, when He was 22 years old and staying on the banks of the river Narmada, the final explosion happened, into the experience of Superconsciousness, where space and time, body and mind, the seer and the seen - all dissolved into the state of Eternal Bliss, or Nithya Ananda.

But, wait there, 'Swami' Nithyananda.  We really had to look hard, but here on you NithyaYoga (TM) website, we found this information on a tattered webpage that you tried to delete:

http://www.nithyayoga.org/founder.php

When he was 22 on 1 January 2000, Paramahamsa realized himself in the forests of Omkareshwar, as Sankara did more than 1000 years earlier, on the banks of the river Narmada. He assumed the name of Paramahamsa Nithyananda the name given to him by Mahavatar Baba when they met near Kedarnath during the parivrajaka.

We know, Sri Nithyananda, all of these stories that don't add up are a bit of an embarrassment to you, and we more than understand why you tried to delink these pages and delete them from you websites.  That's why we are very lucky that this legal evidence, we mean stuff that legends are made of, has just happened to be accessible for all your admirers, detectives, FBI agents, and prosecutors.  You, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda can find them here:

• PDF of Founder from NithyaYoga.org
• PDF of Founder from dhyanapeetam.org

So, back to your enlightenment story, Sri Nithyananda.  Wow, that was quite a shift.  You, Sri Nithyananda, were not only by the banks of the Narmada River in Omkareshwar, you were in the forest!  And, wow, that, by golly, is the same place that Sankara got his enlightenment 1,000 years before!  And, to top it off, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda took on that sacred name given by no other than Mahavatar Baba!  This is just simply an amazing story, Sri Nithyananda.  This is a holy occasion if we ever heard of one.

'Swami' Nithyananda, where exactly is this place? Is there a big that you can point to and say that is where I had the ultimate experience of 'enlightenment'? Sri Nithyananda, do you have anything that commemorates this auspicious occasion like you have one to commemorate your 360 degree vision?  Why, Sri Nithyananda, you should make a shrine at that exact location so that we can all feel the energy coming out of that place, and you can earn extra cash from donations and dedicated tours to your 'enlightenment' center.  Why isn't there a special monument at that exact spot, Sri Nithyananda?  You seem to have enough money to buy a whole fleet of 24K golden thrones, so simply securing a little patch of land by the Narmada River in Omkareshwar that is out in some boondocks of a forest shouldn't be too hard. 

But, wait, Sri Nithyananda, can we really believe this story about you getting your final 'enlightenment', you know, that 'ultimate' experience out in the forest somewhere by the Narmada River in Omkareshwar?  After all, Sri Nithyananda, didn't you tell your fast batch of your followers on your holy Himalayan Tour Guide in 2004 that all of the events that led up to your final stage of 'enlightenment' happened in Haridwar in the state of Uttarakhand?  Yes, Sri Nithyananda, we remember now.  You told everyone during the tour in the early morning where you were staying, where you threw your picture of a real Paramahamsa, that is Paramahamsa Ramakrishna, because you, Sri Nithyananda, thought that he and other truly enlightened masters were trying to deprive you of enlightenment.  Do you remember that story?  There were other stories about you being sick and that someone named Shankar from a nearby temple gave you some medicine that got you well, and when you went there to thank Shankar, there was nobody there by the name of Shankar except for the statue of Lord Shiva?  Yes, all of your last moments before your final 'enlightenment' happened in Haridwar accept for the story about how you were doing double-japa (mantra recitation) using two malas (rosaries).  You then, Sri Nithyananda, got frustrated and depressed... and then you tell everyone that you just 'relaxed' and became 'unclutched' and presto.  'Enlightenment'.  Yes, these stories were clearly done by the bank of the Narmada River in Omkareshwar.  There really seemed to be no gap from the Haridwar stories to the Omkareshwar stories.  Then someone on the tour (someone with a brain no doubt), that was still able to function with all of the sleep deprivation asked you, Sri Nithyananda, how you managed to get to the banks of the River Narmada in Omkareshwar and in the forest no doubt in such short order.  You see, Sri Nithyananda, we imagine that this person was curious since the distance from Haridwar to Omkareshwar is over 1,090 km or 677 miles.  Google Maps shows that by car it will take over 17 hours in optimal conditions.  But, since you, Sri Nithyananda, said that you walked most of your wandering by foot, well, we think that it might have taken a whole month.  How did you, Sri Nithyananda, get there so fast?  Did you use a jet-propelled pogo stick?

Sri Nithyananda, how did you get out of that tricky question?  Oh, yes, Sri Nithyananda, we remember now.  You pulled the divinity trick.  You never answered the question.  You just smiled and looked serenely away as if you were about to go into a trance and didn't want to reveal one of the Divine's business secrets.  Since you were with sleep deprived true believers, they all then reached the same conclusion that you, Sri Nithyananda, must have traveled in some time-continuum-time-warp.  Well, Sri Nithyananda, we agree.  That story does seem a bit warped to us.

OK, Sri Nithyananda, we agree that you have this story about getting the ultimate experience of 'enlightenment' in the forest by the River Banks of the Narmada River in Omkareshwar, the same place that Sankara got his enlightenment 1,000 years before.  But, Sri Nithyananda, you are now doing your best to hide all of these stories about your nine-years-of-wandering, then reduced to seven-years-of-wandering and then reduced again to just six-years-of-wandering, but really only four-and-a-half-years-of-wandering fit your timeline.  And, most if not all of that time was spent at the Ramakrishna Mission.  So, Sri Nithyananda, you're hiding this along with the culmination of all that wandering, your final ultimate experience of 'enlightenment'.  Wow, Sri Nithyananda, was this the only place that you received that final 'enlightenment'?

Well, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, after we posted that blog about your wandering in the Ramakrishna Mission for Five Years, we received some interesting emails.  One of your earliest attendees recalled that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda used to claim that you received that final ultimate experience of 'enlightenment' at no other than the Ramakrishna Mission in Chennai.  Later in your book, Formless in Form, 2003, you Sri Nithyananda, just described that event, but didn't make any mention of it being your 'ultimate' experience.  Here, let's take a look on page 34:

Above all else, the stories of the lives of great spiritual masters stirred an unknown chord in the young seeker.  One day, chancing upon The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, he (Nithyananda) fell into such a fever of delight that he devoured the 600-page book in one 10-hour stretch.  (Anyone who has held the mighty Gospel in his [or her] hands can appreciate the passion that called forth such a feat!)

Three days after this unusual incident, the young Swami was honoured by the vision of Sri Ramakrishna and Mother Sarada Devi, who placed their hands upon his head and showered him with hertfelt blessings.  On that day, with deep love and reverence, the seeker received Sri Ramakrishna into the innermost sanctum of his heart.

And, that Sri Nithyananda, used to be your ultimate experience of your final 'enlightenment'.  Wow, Sri Nithyananda, we can see right off why you would want to change that story.  First of all, anyone who is familiar with the greatness of Sri Ramakrishna and Mother Sarada Devi already familiar with the most excellent form of spiritual beings.  It doesn't get better than Paramahamsa Ramakrisha and Mother Sarada Devi.  In the best-case scenario, these seekers would think that you have been blessed by the best.  Not that you're any better than, not by a long shot, and certainly not equal too.  Yes, Sri Nithyananda, after hearing that story, some people would just think that you're a lucky sanyasi (renunciant monk) that got blessed.  On the other hand, those people who are not familiar with the greatness of Paramahamsa Sarada Devi would not really get it.  And, these seekers, who don't have that spiritual background, are the ripe suckers, we mean seekers, for your following.  So, if you, Sri Nithyananda, can't even connect to your potential market segment, wouldn't it make better sense to change your 'enlightenment' story?  And, then of course, Sri Nithyananda, there's the lady factor.  Do you think any of those attractive yoga chicks and film star ladies are going to fall for a spiritual master who got his 'enlightenment' by staying in the dorm with a bunch of other guys and then picked up a big book and read it for ten-hours straight, and the 'poof' he became the grand poohbah of wizards?  Why even the lady groupies that follow Harry Potter wouldn't be impressed by that one.

Yes, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we agree.  You needed to do a makeover in a hurry.  Good one, Sri Nithyananda, you must have hired the right PR specialists.  Let's see, your revised story had you wandering all of India first at just 18,641 miles then to 70,0000 miles.  Nine years seemed like a good start at least until you became known as 'god', then the 'blue ocean' strategy kicks in and such things like facts and details become irrelevant.  Good!  Some of your new tales include sitting in a huge bell soaking up the vibrations until someone could hammer a piece of wood right into your ajna (third eye) chakra.  Great!  Meeting up with some sadhus (spiritual wanders) that can smoke pot and turn the ashes into gold.  Hypnotizing.  But, remember.  You didn't smoke any of it yourself or inhale.  Good!  Family types like that.  But, still got 'stoned'.  Yes!  Good one to 'reveal' one of those experiences so you might be able to share it with other seekers that think that spirituality is like a drug induced high.  Brilliant!  Then you broke your back on a bumpy ride in back of an army truck and healed it with your own hands.  Fabulous!  This gives you the legitimacy to initiate all those people into healers.  You did that fire panchatapas (extreme meditation around a fire).  Very legit!  Never handled money.  Way renunciate!  Except that there was that small incident where you exchanged that gold trinket your received to purchase (with money) the supplies for the fire meditation and to pay (with cash wages) those village boys to keep the fire going, but other than that, no one would question you, 'Swami' Nithyananda.  Then, you had that death experience where you went into deep meditation for several days at the cremation grounds at the  Manikarnika Ghat in Benares where you became 'one with the dead'.  Spooky, but way cool!  And, then you, Sri Nithyananda, bumped into Mahavtaar Babaji in Tapovan, who gave your destined name "Nithya Ananda".  How rightful!  And, you, big stud guy, did the dreaded traatak meditation where you stared unblinkingly at the sun all day.  How stoic! Then add in that story about bumping up with bears in the wilderness.  How ruggeed!  Hey, Sri Nithyananda, on a side note, we only counted two bear stories.  There was that bear in Omkareshwar in Madhya Pradesh (p. 43 of Formless in Form) that you thought was a human, and came eye-to-eye with.  Then there was another baby bear that poked his or her head into your cave that you were camped out in.  For our records, we thought there should have been at least one more bear to make the final count to three bears.  And, some related story about a cottage, and some hot just-turned-18 room service girl, you know, Goldilocks, who was all knocked out on some bed.  OK, Sri Nithyananda, we'll be hush-hush about that story.  Not so good for the kiddies and the prudish donors.

Where were we, Sri Nithyananda? Oh, yes, you hung out for a whole week inside the Taj Mahal.  Every tourist's dream!  You did some telekinesis with boulders on a hillside.  The most!  But, Sri Nithyananda, don't let anyone trick you into doing a demonstration of this.  Just smile and let your 'Blue Ocean Strategy' swallow up any little challenge that might get in the way.  Lord Shiva, himself, gave you some medicine.  Total awakening!  You, Sri Nithyananda, visited the land of 300-year-old people.  Saints preserve us!  Witnessed a honeycomb of huge bees (the size of someone's palm) stretching from mountaintop to mountaintop.  Sweet!  Sri Nithyananda, have those bees the size of someone's palms ever been classified by scientists?  Just wondering.  And, tiptoeing  across a deep rushing river with your eyes closed.  How trusting!  And, then, 'Swami' Nithyananda, you hid in yet another Ramakrishna ashram when attached by a man-eating tiger.  The cat's meow!

Sri Nithyananda, with these new 'enlightenment' stories, you'll even be greater than Indiana Jones!

Wow, Sri Nithyananda, there won't be a hot yoga chick in town who could resist you now!  In fact, you could even rename yourself, Swami Nithya Indiananda Jones, the Enlightened Cowboy.  And, your ashram could be known as Nithya All-Things Indiananda Jonestown.  OK, we might want to work on that one especially if you ever intend on serving refreshments.  Pitty. Donors don't like putting money down for known cults.  But, anyway you look at it, with this new 'enlightenment' place and all of those rugged he-man stories, you're sure to be a box office hit.

So, Sri Nithyananda, with all of these great new stories of yours, we're a bit puzzled in why you have been taking them down from your website.  We might know, Sri Nithyananda, did someone criticize you for all of these great stories?  Maybe they were just jealous.  Instead of making references about you being like Indiana Jones, maybe they made comparisons that you were more like Gumby.



You know, Sri Nithyananda, Gumby was able to be at two places at the same time.  Just like you!  And, he could 'walk into any book'.   You, Sri Nithyananda, seem to have that quality too.  But, once you, Sri Nithyananda, walk into a book, you seem to be able to walk off with the credit of writing it too.  OK, Sri Nithyananda, we're getting ahead of ourselves, but we'll save that for another post.

So, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, do these rugged 'enlightenment' stories compete with any other of your stories?  Besides that fact that you were in the Ramakrishna Mission the whole time, but other than that, are there any other stories competing for this 'enlightenment' title?  Say, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, didn't you say during a two-day 'Healers Workshop' in Los Angeles around August 2007 that many of your other experiences lead to your 'final' enlightenment but Existence just wanted you to go through all the other 'experiences' to solidify your credentials.  Sri Nithyananda, we're talking to you.  Sri Nithyananda?  Oh, dear, samadhi again.  OK, Sri Nithyananda, if you can hear us, you talked about how you got the 'ultimate' experience from you death meditation at the cremation place at the Manikarnika Ghat in Benares.  Since you had such a captive audience, you, Sri Nithyananda went and told them that you really got your final and 'ultimate' experience when you had the 360-vision when you were just twelve.  But, Sri Nithyananda, you didn't stop there.  No siree.  Since all of these big donors were your loyal flock and they seemed so spellbound, you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, at the tender age of nine had to throw in your experience of meeting Arunagiri Yogiswara, an incarnation of Lord Shiva at the temple in Thiruvannamalai. (Nithyananda Vol. 1, 2005, pp. 120-124).  Arunagiri Yogiswara took you on a journey up Arunachala where there were some other close disciples.  He then gave you the kavi cloth (renunciant cloth) and initiated you, 'Swami' Nithyananda as a disciple.  And, with that, Sri Nithyananda, you said that you began the journey of spiritual world meeting the physical world, and that was actually your final enlightenment.  Do you remember saying that, Sri Nithyananda?  We sure do.  All the participants just had their jaw wide open.  We're sure that their checkbooks were wide open after that one too.

It seems to us, Sri Nithyananda, that your 'enlightenment' is much like the 'enlightenment' that someone can experience from a firefly (also known as lightening bugs).  It seems whereever you had your backside 'illuminated' that is the place of your final and ultimate experience of 'enlightenment'. 

Perhaps Sri Nithyananda, we can make a game out of all these 'enlightenment' stories.  Sri Nithyananda, do you remember in our post titled "Backpedaling Keeper of Revised 'Truths', Nithyananda, Required to Embellish His Story (Again)"?  In that post, we suggested that you create an online gambling casino to help your followers bet which of your 'truths' will be revised next.  That way, everyone can be engaged to all of your stories, and you can rake in even more money to finance your next round of 24K golden thrones and that big stadium.  Well, we thought we might help you, Sri Nithyananda.  Perhaps you can have a roulette wheel.  Since it is your default story, Sri Nithyananda, two slots can be designated that you were 'enlightened' on the banks of the Narmada River in a forest in (or at least near) Omkareshwar. One slot can be assigned that you were 'enlightened' at the Ramakrishna Mission after reading the Gospel.  Another slot can be designated that you, Sri Nithyananda, had that ultimate experience of enlightenment at the Manikarnika Ghat in Benares, you know, the cremation grounds.  Then yet another slot can be assigned to your 'enlightenment' during your drug-like-state of having 360-vision.  And, finally, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, one more slot can be assigned to your 'enlightenment' for the time you met up with Lord Shiva in the form of Arunagiri Yogiswara.  Let's see.  If a traditional roulette wheel has 37 slots, that leaves us with 31 blank slots.  OK, Sri Nithyananda, in those slots we'll assign them as being that you are not 'enlightenment'.  Because, let's face it, Sri Nithyananda, the odds are that you just made up all of these stories.  Isn't that called fraud?

Related Posts:

• 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda Wanders in the Ramakrishna Mission for Five (5) Years
• Backpedaling Keeper of Revised 'Truths', Nithyananda, Required to Embellish His Story (Again)
• Do the Math - Nithyananda's Enlightenment Timeline Doesn't Add Up
• Guinness World Book of Record Holder: Nithyananda as Youngest Polytechnic Student

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.

Day 85: Eighty-five days have passed since Sri Nithyananda's bloggers of the Parallel Universe of La-La Land have not answered our simple chronological questions. We'll keep on reminding them.

Day 107: One hundred and seven days have passed since Sri Nithyananda and his organizations have threatened a baseless lawsuit against us. We'll keep on counting.

The Not-So Tactical Retreat of Sri Nithya Sadhananda Swami (Ayya)

'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's Right-hand Man, Swami Sadhananda, Comes Up Empty Handed
Note to readers: This post is a continuation of our blog post three weeks ago titled:

'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda Sends Sri Nithya Sadhananda Swami (Ayya) to the Rescue

Hey, there 'Swami' Nithyananda. How's things going? Oh, dear. More silence. We take it that in your case silence isn't golden. We think that might be the only thing of yours that isn't golden. Perhaps, of course, with also the exception of your reputation. But, that's another story.

'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, we noticed the Swami Sadhananda a.k.a. Ayya is rounding up his tour of North America. How did it go? Oh, more silence. Gee, Sri Nithyananda, since both you and Swami Sadhananda (Ayya) are businessmen (who you both conveniently say have renounced everything), did you set some objectives and even quota of how many people Swami Sadhananda was going to sign up for your pricey 6K 'Inner Awakening' program? Sri Nithyananda, please understand that the economy in North America really sucks right now, and people can't just leave their job for almost a month and except to have them back when they return. And, those that still have income, they probably want to hang on to that $6,000 just in case... Actually, Sri Nithyananda, if a family of two goes plus airfare and everything, they are looking at dropping at least $15,000. That's a lot to ask for when your job might not be there tomorrow. Yes, we knew, you were going to say that they need 'unclutch'. But, perhaps you should 'unclutch' a little from your greedy business objectives... and your cut-throat business model. You know, Sri Nithyananda, they are the ones who are taking the risk, not you. After all, how many 24K golden thrones do you really need?

And, Sri Nithyananda, we really need to talk about having all those other 'enlightened' followers who did your 'Inner Awakening' program market the next potential batch. Sri Nithyananda, they might seem enthusiastic like Amway / Quixtar distributors, but any conversation beyond the "Wow, it was great!" someone can easily tell that these people are not 'enlightened', but just mesmerized. There is a difference, you know. They just don't seem that credible, almost as if they were just pitching for a fraud. But, then again, Sri Nithyananda, having these 'graduates' talk about 'Inner Awakening' suits our objectives very nicely. So, forget what we said earlier, have these people talk to potential new suckers, we mean seekers, for hours on end.  Let them tell everyone how great your pricey 'Inner Awakening' program actually is and how their lives have all changed because of it. They will do great service for everyone.

But, what really puzzled us, Sri Nithyananda, is that your web team, under your orders, we presume, dropped all support of Swami Nithya Sadhananda's (Ayya) tour on your main website, dhyanapeetam.org. You, Sri Nithyananda, used to have this nice Osho logo, we mean 'paramahamsa' bird, that linked to Swami Nithya Sadhananda's (Ayya) schedule. With still three more stops, you removed this link. Why 'Swami' Nithyananda? Is this some sort of tactical retreat? A recruiting defeat? A marketing error?  A defense against fraud? We are just baffled.

Oh, we think we get it now, Sri Nithyananda. Perhaps you are offering up a nice excuse for Swami Nithya Sadhananda (Ayya) for not making the numbers. This way when he gets back to India, Ayya (Swami Sadhananda) can then conveniently blame your web team for the poor results. Yes, you and Ayya (Swami Nithya Sadhananda) are still 'enlightened', but your web team is not, and therefore, they can take the blame and leave your reputations intact. Brilliant, there, Sri Nithyananda. Will you beat them all with a big stick? Or will you just reduce them to tears with your mind games?  How about a combo pact?  As, in reduce them to tears and then beat them.  That way you, Sri Nithyananda, can claim that they were cry babies to begin with and that your violence didn't bring them any real harm.  Like right.

And, why Sri Nithyananda, did you remove the last scheduled day on Swami Nithya Sadhananda (Ayya) for Saturday, February 27, 2010 in San Jose / the Bay Area in California? Is it too risky for your, an almighty 'enlightened' healing master to have Ayya's San Jose/Bay Area appearance visible to everyone on the internet? Was it cancelled outright or just pushed in the shadowy underground (kind of like all those dead people you disturb)? Don't worry, Sri Nithyananda, the welcoming party that some of our readers were going to organize for Swami Nithya Sadhananda (Ayya) was going to be very peaceful. They were just planning to have some picket signs, a little demonstration, some video footage for YouTube, the press from the local papers, and perhaps someone to attend the event and ask Ayya all those questions about your claims to be wandering for nine years then reduced to just six years but really you were in the Ramakrishna Mission the whole time, etc.

You know, Sri Nithyananda, without this practice with Swami Sadhananda (Ayya), it might be really hard for our readers to do a professional job of protesting when you come, or shall we say if you come back to North America. Oh, well, we guess that they will just have to be spontaneous and remind themselves to keep it peaceful at all times. We hope that they can remember all of that.

Related Posts:

• 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda Sends Sri Nithya Sadhananda Swami (Ayya) to the Rescue

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.

Day 80: Eighty days have passed since Sri Nithyananda's bloggers of the Parallel Universe of La-La Land have not answered our simple chronological questions. We'll keep on reminding them.

Day 102: One hundred and two days have passed since Sri Nithyananda and his organizations have threatened a baseless lawsuit against us. We'll keep on counting.

'Swami' Nithyananda's Boring Siddhi (Magic) Show - A Cult Trap!

'Swami' Nithyananda Marketing Genius!  Selling the Sizzle of His Siddhis (Magic)
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda.  How are you today?  "Feerrappadappa."  Oh, we see our Gruntanese translator said that you 'have to go'.  Sorry, there, Sri Nithyananda, but hold off on that 'disappearing act' of your for just a bit.  We want to get to the bottom of this fraud thing on why people actually think that you're a god (note the small 'g').  So, why, 'Swami' Nithyananda, do people actually confuse you with being Divine?  Is there any proof?  "Grabbadribble Science-raprra Shnap!"  Oh, our Gruntanese translator says that you say that there's 'scientific proof' that you are Divine.  Nice.  Sri Nithyananda, do you know that there was once 'scientific' proof to why some races were deemed 'inferior'?  Why some poor people were poor?  Why global warming is not happening?...  and on and on.  Do you really think that we should blindly believe all of this 'scientific' proof, especially when it comes from your printing press?  OK, Sri Nithyananda, we see that you're not going to budge on this one.  Fair enough.  We thought that would be your answer.

What's this here, Sri Nithyananda?  Why looks like the test publication from the Oklahoma medical doctors you did back in 2005.  It was called "Mind of the Mystic". We think that it should have been retitled to be called "Mind of a Mistake", but we won't let our personal opinions influence such valuable 'scientific' research. Sri Nithyananda, do you know that our readers can still view this piece of 'scientific' research on your website at this URL:

http://www.dhyanapeetam.org/web/Oklahoma_Research_Report.htm

Or, if they want to download a PDF version, we just stumbled across one on the Guruphiliac Fourm.

Wow, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. Those researchers from Oklahoma seemed mighty impressed with the findings. Just a quick recap, it looks like they ran two tests. The first one measured your brain's activities through a Positron Emission Tomography (PET) device. It was like a fancy X-Ray machine that produces images of the function of the brain through the metabolic activity of cells. The researches said that your frontal brain was heightened immediately upon going into meditation. And, when you went into your deepest meditation, they claimed that 90 percent of the dominant hemisphere of your brain was shut down and in deep rest as if it was on vacation. Wow. They also said that your lower portion of the mesial frontal areas lighted up significantly and that this was the 'third eye' region which one of the researchers claimed as the D-spot or the 'pleasure zone'.

The second test the researchers did measured the type and frequency of brainwaves. This was the Quantitative Electroencephalography (QEEG), and the researchers said that you were able to slip in and out different brainwaves as if you, Sri Nithyananda, were a pianist doing the scales. And, that you had complete control over all of this.

Look, Sri Nithyananda, the researchers just about gush over you in their report:

"Swami is a bridge between the invisible, ancient world of mysticism and the modern, visible world of science and discovery."

"...as we were watching Swami float from color to color within a rainbow."

And, the scientists end on a note of hope about your mystical state of meditation could possibly "bring balance and peace into people’s lives".

Wow, Sri Nithyananda, that was mighty kind of those researchers to do all those studies and do such a favorable report on you.  If this wasn't a scientific study printed in a respectable journal, it would seem that these scientists were your disciples.  Did you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, ever thought about including this study in your books so that other people can see? Oh, here it is, on page four of the Appendix of your book, Nithyananda Vol. 1, December 2006.

This having your medical report that you are no ordinary human being really is amazingly helpful to spread your divinity. Without you having to say anything, now even analytical types can see 'scientific' proof that you, Sri Nithyananda, are an 'enlightened' master. And, for those other devotees who just melted after you mystically mesmerized them, this is the icing on the cake. The proof they needed to quit their job, divorce their spouse, and do nothing but divine (note lower 'd') service to you, Sri Nithyananda, and only you.

But, wait, Sri Nithyananda. Before we get too carried away here, we had a few questions to ask about that study. 'Swami' Nithyananda, were you in a nice comfortable chair when you did these studies and went into meditation? Yes, Sri Nithyananda, we thought so. Perhaps, Sri Nithyananda, for your next study, the researches can measure your brainwaves when your doing some 'divine' service that exerts a little more physical activity than being all comfy on a nice chair. We think, Sri Nithyananda, that it would be really interesting to measure your brainwaves when you are whacking one of your beloved ashramites, you know, Sri Nithyananda, those people who gave up their whole lives just to help make you famous, with a cane or throwing furniture on them. To have that ability to make someone limp for a whole week must really produce some really mystical brainwaves.

And, Sri Nithyananda, we admit that those results really looked mesmerizing. In order to declare that you're really an 'enlightened' master as you would like to have anyone who reads that scientific study to draw that conclusion, did you, Sri Nithyananda, or the researchers ever have the idea of having a 'control group'. You know, Sri Nithyananda, not your ashramites, that's a 'controlled group'. A 'control group' is a set of people in the experiment to make sure that other variables in the experiment that lead to those incredible results are indeed significant or not. Also, Sri Nithyananda, it would be interesting to see you could get some plain old meditation enthusiasts and see if you're amazing results could be duplicated by some folks that are definitely not 'enlightened' or at least they have no presumptions of claiming so. Then, we would all know if those hypnotizing scientific results really are a super-human achievement beyond the reaches of non-enlightened mortals that are only attributed to you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda.

Sorry to say, 'Swami' Nithyananda, but actually, we're not all that impressed with the scientific findings from your meditation research. Sri Nithyananda, lets just assume that you, a self-claimed Paramahamsa, were able to make your brain behave differently from your meditations. That's what you, Sri Nithyananda, want us to believe. Fine. You see, 'Swami' Nithyananda, as you know better than us, when someone meditates and does it often enough, some 'unseen' channels just open up. Since most people never give any attention to doing something like meditation, then these channels never open up or if they do, they are ignored or suppressed. But, if someone did pay close attention to meditation, then these channels will just naturally open up. If a meditator concentrated on certain meditations that are known to open up certain channels, then those certain channels are very likely to open up and be cultivated. It's no big deal. Sri Nithyananda, we have contributors to this blog that have had their breath stop for a period of four minutes or so, all thoughts just completely evaporate to the extent that a period of 30 minutes didn't even seem to register, body heat given off that people next to them had to move because of the heat, heard whispers across a hallway, etc. These things just happen.  No big deal.

In fact, Sri Nithyananda, we're pretty certain that most illusionist like David Copperfield, Harry Houdini, etc. are able to tap into these channels and produce an entertaining show or at least get fifteen-minutes-of-fame on programs like Ripley's Believe It or Not. You see, Sri Nithyananda, these illusionists must have been pretty good at tapping into different channels and then performing in front of people. Harry Houdini would be able to hold his breath for over three minutes as he picked locks from a regurgitated key and free himself from all the chains while being suspended upside down underwater.

Harry Houdini gets lowered into the Chinese Water Torture Cell, which is much easier to escape from than 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's Ashram.

Just recently, an illusionist from Israeli named Hezi Dayan broke David Blaine's world record time in ice. He stayed in ice wearing only a t-shirt and jeans for 66 hours. We don't know Henzi Dayan's secret, but David Blaine would say that he would do a 'fire meditation' and warm up his body. So, we imagine, Sri Nithyananda, that all these magicians knew how to tap into these siddhis (esoteric magic) and utilize them. Yes, 'Swami' Nithyananda, they knew how to put on quite a show.

Say, Sri Nithyananda, with your management style, you know, how you kick and scream and hold your breath until you get your way as well as all that bedside swimming you seem to do, we think that you would be a natural for doing at least one of these magic tricks. How about this, Sri Nithyananda, we have you enter a big tank full of big sharks. You break out of some chains, then ride a bicycle around the aquarium floor and then come up to greet the spellbound audience.

We bet that Surfin' Swami Nithyananda can do this trick with bigger sharks and no air tank!...or at least we would like to see him try.

We know, Swami Nithyananda, that would be a dazzling hit with the ladies. You could bill your act as "The Death Defying, Shark Mesmerizing, Surfin' Swami". Don't worry, Sri Nithyananda, we doubt anything will happen to you like Siegfried & Roy.  Remember, they weren't 'enlightened' like you are, and besides, we know the sharks would never dream of touching you out of professional courtesy. It's an almost guaranteed solution.

But, Frankly speaking, Sri Nithyananda, you're siddhis (esoteric magic) doesn't really lend itself to a good show. Those other illusionists are able to command premium dollars to have people sit and watch them do things like disappear, reappear, escape from some immediate danger, saw beautiful ladies in two (well, you sort of do that), etc. All you can do is make some test scientific equipment produce some interesting scientific reports. Just imagine that if you had a show in Las Vegas, what would you do? We picture something like this, 'Swami' Nithyananda, that you would have Swami Bhaktananda open the act by telling some jokes and perhaps do some juggling. And, then you could have Swami Medhananda come on stage and he would do a soft shoe act. No, no, no, that just isn't going to work. Not with his feet. OK, we'll skip the soft shoe act, and have him sing a song or something. Then you can have some of your room service ladies come out in cute little matching uniforms and do some choreographed maneuvers. And, then the star, that's you, Sri Nithyananda, gets wheeled out on stage in a 24K solid gold hospital bed with a bunch of test equipment hooked up to you. Then scientist looking guy in a white lab coat, Paramananda will do, turns on the special equipment and holds up the result. The announcer then says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, you have just witnessed Swami the Great Meditator change his brainwaves from Alpha to Theta. How about a big round of applause for Swamiji, the Mysterious Mystic!" You, know, Sri Nithyananda, we don't know too many people who would really be willing to pay to see that.  There's just no pizzazz.

But, wait, Sri Nithyananda. We just realized that you already thought of the answer to save the show from being a complete dud. Do you remember, Sri Nithyananda, when you went to Microsoft back in 2005 and poached many of Microsoft's talented employees who now work just for you? Well, Sri Nithyananda, we were wondering who was really teaching who that day. Let's face it, Sri Nithyananda, you, like Microsoft, have an inferior product. You know, your siddhis (esoteric power) are in par with products like Vista, Bing, MS DOS, and Bob. Do you remember Microsoft Bob? We guess that you couldn't call it MS Bob; what would the ladies think. Oh, let's not get sidetracked.  Anyway, even if you have an absolutely worthless product, with enough marketing, cash, and muscling, even you, Sri Nithyananda, like Microsoft, can dominate the world!

We see, Sri Nithyananda, that no one goes around and worships David Copperfield and entrusts his or her life to him. Now there are some ladies that try to sue him, but that's about as close as it gets. But, you Sri Nithyananda, by having your enthusiastic slaves, we mean volunteers, pass out that medical report to anyone and everyone, you Sri Nithyananda, can transform your second rate siddhis (esoteric magic) and turn into an 'Enlightened' Healing Master that no one should dare question or suffer the wrath of Microsoft-like lawyers.   Brilliant, there, Sri Nithyananda. You now qualify as a legitimate 'god'.  So, anyone who can be impressed with that lab report, would now be doing your unique form of 'guru pooja' and worship to your feet every morning.  Now that's real inner awakening.  'Swami' Nithyananda, you're a marketing genius.  We even bet Mr. "You're Fired", Donald Trump, multi-millionaire, you know, that guy with the plastic hair, would be impressed with your ability of 'selling the sizzle'.

Donald Trump shows 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda how to sell the sizzle even with dead charred animals, kind of like what we expect to find at the cremation grounds that Sri Nithyananda hanged out in during his youth.

Wow, 'Swami' Nithyananda.  Just think.  Instead of having your fans just pay $300.00 dollars to be in the front row, with this report legitimizing that you are divine (note the small 'd'), you, Sri Nithyananda, can now charge $3,000.00 dollars for front row seats.  [Thanks to our friends in Nithyananda Fairy Tales site who posted this great related story on Sri Nithyananda's tiered pricing at his programs.]

And, instead of being just a one-off event to see you, Sri Nithyananda, your fans can now start enlisting in your multi-level marketing programs that costs thousands of dollars.  Soon they will either be 'donating' for their divinity one-tenth of their salary or earning 'salvation' by doing only volunteer work for you.  From fan to indentured slave, all just from one report.  Say, Sri Nithyananda, that's a pretty good deal.  Soon, you and your franchise will be ruling the world, just like McDonalds.  Sri Nithyananda, does that make you the new Ronald McDonald of the spiritual world?

Ah, oh, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we hate to be killjoys, but we just thought of something. What if there are people in the spiritual world that are not impressed with super natural siddhis (esoteric power)? Yes, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, these people are crazy to miss such an 'enlightened' healing master such as yourself. But, what if they have different criteria for measuring divinity such as:

• Compassion
• Inspiration
• Humbleness
• Humility
• Overflowing Generosity
• Unconditional Love in One's Heart to Embrace All, etc.

As strange as it might seem, there 'Swami' Nithyananda, these seekers don't use the yardstick of magic tricks and manipulation of a medical exam to judge if someone is Divine or not.  Using their criteria, in some cases, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, might not score as high as, say, a Mother Theresa. You know, Sri Nithyananda, Mother Theresa never wanted to have her image on anything, not even the malas (rosaries) that she could have marketed and made a fortune if she wanted to. But, instead, Mother Theresa just wanted to serve the poor. That's it. Swami Vivekananda and Paramahamsa Ramakrishna were not interested in writing books, making YouTube videos, having photo ops, etc. They were way too busy transforming lives. Their followers, long after they left their bodies, later compiled all of the speeches, etc. and made them available to spiritual seekers. But, not as they were living. Paramahamsa Ramakrishna strictly forbade any show of siddhis (esoteric power) no matter how small or innocent or even how much a devotee desired in his or her heart to experience one.

So, Sri Nithyananda, we need to work on your image. It couldn't be that bad. Let's see. You beat some of your close followers with a cane and throw furniture on them until they can barely crawl away. Well, we'll need to work on that, but those acts of violence were out of compassion, right?  And, you tell devotees in some cities like Toronto that you, Sri Nithyananda, will open up some big temple if they donate... but that money disappears, but pictures of you sitting on some shiny new 24K gold thrones are on your website. Sri Nithyananda, that doesn't look so good either. Let's see, then there's that big 10,000 seat stadium your soliciting funds to build in your ashram, so even more people can hear you. Oh, dear. This image thing is getting harder by the moment.  Oh, yes, there's your Vedic temples. That should be a strength we can build on. But, then again, there's those mantras where you inserted your name in them, those idols that are specifically made in your image so people can worship just to you, while the other legitimate Hindu deities you renamed with your name attached to them, your thrones have images of Divine Deities right on the seat so you sit firmly on top of them, etc. Gee, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we thought that your Vedic Temples might be a strong point, but then again, maybe not. We know, how about your devoted volunteers? You, know, the ones that haven't reached absolute poverty and divorced upon you recommendation. Yes, their enthusiastic brainwashing just might work, but you'll need to hide those 'undesirables' in the back.  You, know, Sri Nithyananda, the ashramites that look old, tired, and fat.  Those are definitely not photo op material. You know, Sri Nithyananda, to work on you image, we think that you might need to hire the same public relations experts that Union Carbide hired after the Bhopal Disaster in 1984. We think that might be your only salvation.
Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.

Day 72: Seventy-two days have passed since Sri Nithyananda's bloggers of the Parallel Universe of La-La Land have not answered our simple chronological questions. We'll keep on reminding them.

Day 93: Ninety-three days have passed since Sri Nithyananda and his organizations have threatened a baseless lawsuit against us. We'll keep on counting.