'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's Fails Basic Math with His Enlightenment Record

'Swami' Nithyananda Has Trouble Counting to Six or Greater
Sri Nithyananda, are you really 'enlightened' and can make other people 'enlightened'? "Of course, I'm a genuine Paramahamsa. I came down just do that job, and if people compensate me with big generous donations, I will be able to 'enlighten' over 100,000 people in just a few years." Nice effort. Wow, money might not be able to buy love, but it can buy 'enlightenment'. Just amazing. "It's true! I should sue you for slander! We'll be getting lawyers and everything!" Cool it there, Sri Nithyananda. If others see you, Sri Nithyananda, lose your cool, they won't think that you're 'enlightened' anymore. We'll be sure to give your idea of suing other people and dragging them to court the attention that it deserves in a future post. We're not very worried about your empty threats, Sri Nithyananda. Just like your wandering years or engineering diploma, we know that you're good at make things up. Did anyone ever tell you that you are very creative? Actually, Sri Nithyananda, to be honest, we're more worried about your next wardrobe appearance. Sri Nithyananda, will you be wearing something that needs to be plugged in or will batteries be part of the get up? A jet pack perhaps? That way, you can make claims that you fly too, other than first class.

OK, let's keep on track. So, Sri Nithyananda, let’s hope for the best and just assume that you really are god, 'enlightened', and that you can make other people 'enlightened'. Let’s then look at your track record. In June of 2007, was your first batch of people that you 'enlightened' were 25 ashramite in Los Angeles? Then you replicated this miraculous accomplishment a few months later in Bidadi. There you outdid yourself, and 28 people became 'enlightened'. That comes to a total of 53 people that you claim received your 'enlightenment' in 2007. Do you agree to these calculations? And, because of this amazing feat of making 53 people 'enlightened', you, Sri Nithyananda, have became qualified to sit on a 24K gold throne?

Sri Nithyananda, of that first batch of 25 followers from Los Angeles that received your 'enlightenment', how many really became 'enlightened'? Did you not tell one senior devotee in Singapore, Ram Ramanathan, that one (let us check again, that is ‘one’ as in ‘1’) of your 'enlightened' disciples “just did not get it.” Too bad. Sri Nithyananda, of course the fault lies with that one devotee, correct? It's a little confusing. You said that they were all 'enlightened' at the time, but now you were saying that one of them was not 'enlightened' after all. What happened, Sri Nithyananda, did your 'enlightenment' wear off?

Sri Nithyananda, didn’t you have your first batch of 25 'enlightened' followers practice right after receiving your 'enlightenment' what to say if anyone tried to take their 'enlightenment' away? Why you spent a few hours on this topic, with lots of role-playing. Everyone had to practice how and what he or she personally would say, remember? Then, Sri Nithyananda, didn't you have all of your newly ‘enlightened’ people announce in front of all the other newly ‘enlightened’ people that they were now ‘enlightened’? Isn’t this a brainwashing technique called ‘group think’?

So, back to your record, you, Sri Nithyananda, admitted that one of the 25 ‘enlightened’ followers really wasn’t ‘enlightened’ a few months later after you declared that all 25 'enlightened' followers were really 'enlightened'. Was saying that 'one person didn't get it' was some sort of social control to keep everyone guessing, who might have a thought or had a fraction of a doubt if he or she might not really be ‘enlightened’? Sri Nithyananda, in other words, was this just a method to keep your 'enlightenend' followers under your tight mental influence? Sri Nithyananda, that would have been very manipulative, so I doubt that it was that, was it?

Almost two and a half years later after receiving your ‘enlightenment’, of the 25 ‘enlightened’ disciples, six (6) of the ‘enlightened’ followers have left you, and declared that you, Sri Nithyananda, run a cult or were just disgruntled. Basically, they claim that your suitable-for-hanging certificate of 'enlightenment' was false, and went on with their lives without you. Rumor has it that at least one defector was upset that your ashrams have became a hot bed for illicit sex and debauchery. Instead of brotherly love, you, Nithyananda, offer brothelly love. Nice. Is this the type of love we can expect from you, Sri Nithyananda?

So, that makes six (6) followers that are no longer ‘enlightened’. Sri Nithyananda, is six greater than one? Were you, Sri Nithyananda, able to predict that these people wouldn't get it either?  After all, you, Sri Nithyananda have predicted some big things like the property market to fall, and 2012 disasters, etc.  Why did you, Sri Nithyananda, fail this time? Did their 'enlightenment' just wear off like the shine on a fake gold belt buckle?  Why Sri Nithyananda, here's a small tip for next time; if you give your 'enlightenment' in the form of a tattoo, I'm sure that it will take a lot longer to rub off.

So, these unexplained additional five (5) people on top of your 'revised' one (1) person who just did not 'get it', doesn't seem to be solid math, Sri Nithyananda.  Is this like your wandering years that accounted for nine (9) years but were shrunk into four and a half (4.5) years? Or like your engineering certificate that you claimed to have finished 'with the highest grade - a distinction' in zero (0) years? Why, Sri Nithyananda, we think you might benefit watching a few reruns of Sesame Street.

Sri Nithyananda, of the remaining 19 ‘enlightened’ followers still dedicated to making other people 'enlightened' like themselves, is one of them your priest, Sri Nithya Ajara? After becoming ‘enlightened’, didn't Ajara divorce (with your blessings) his wife and then was free to womanize with other ladies, which caused even more divorces? Unlike a lot of people you, Sri Nithyananda, rejected as being not suitable for your 'enlightenment', doesn't Ajara have a high paying job that brings in a lot of money into your organization? More importantly for your image, doesn't Ajara know Sanskrit, so he can recite all of the Vedic mantras nicely as he does your 'priestly' functions? Sri Nithyananda, does Ajara help make you look like you have a legitimate temple, which helps bring in even more donations, and brings in more followers, and brings in more candidates that, you, Sri Nithyananda, might deem worthy of your 'enlightenment' (if they have thick enough wallets, that is)? So, is this why you, Sri Nithyananda, allowed Nithya Ajara to stay in your organization even though he has harmed so many people? It must have been a hard decision, for you to make, being an 'enlightened' healing master grounded in the truth.

Sri Nithyananda, do you realize that many of your other ‘enlightened’ people have expressed their ‘enlightenment’ by getting very fat; (this also includes Ajara.) Do you agree that most people get fat by eating too much, poor diet, not exercising, and having many psychological problems like stress, low self-esteem, and a lack of fulfillment and love? But, Sri Nithyananda, wouldn't you agree that these disciples are ‘enlightened’ with your certificate? Do these followers stay in your ashram, eat your so-called ‘sattvic’ food, and do nothing but service to you? Sri Nithyananda, is this because their inner bodies are expanding in all directions so therefore, their outer bodies also need to expand in all directions in order to still stay in this world? Wow, Sri Nithyananda, that is really heavy stuff. Perhaps you can run a new program called, "Bloat Your Way to Divinity". But, Sri Nithyananda, the word is called 'enlightenment' not 'enheavyment'. This is counterintuitive.

But, honestly, Sri Nithyananda, how did your followers then get so overweight? Does your ‘enlightenment’ really work? Please tell us, Sri Nithyananda. You, Sri Nithyananda, in the words of Ricky Ricardo, have some splainin to do.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.

Paramahamsa Nithyananda Revises Vedic Holy Day Plus Bliss Bites Back

Nithyananda, the Father of All Renamed Vedic Traditions
Paramahamsa Nithyananda, we have to be honest with you. We really don't know if you are a real Paramahamsa or not a real Paramahamsa. Actually, we really do have our doubts that you are a Paramahamsa, but we know when we search Google for 'Nithyananda Paramahamsa' we are only at 88. I know that is a bit low, Paramahamsa Nithyananda. After all, we have several no. 1's and many top tens in Google. Even just plain old 'Nithyananda' without the Paramahamsa title, we usually come in the top 30. So, out of respect to Google and a little bit of respect to you, we will call you Paramahamsa Nithyananda for this blog post. Hope that is OK with you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda.

Paramahamsa Nithyananda, as I write this blog, it is still November 12, 2009. Why isn't that a special day in your Nithyananda Order, Paramahamsa Nithyananda? Didn't you call that Maha Parinirvana Day? Why you will say "Yes". I'm so glad that we agree on something, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, for a change. In fact, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda sent us an email announcing this holy day, and that we should celebrate it with you at the Vedic Temple in Montclair, California. Actually, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, you are probably flying first class in some airplane to Singapore, but we know that you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda are there in spirit. Paramahamsa Nithyananda, isn't this special occasion that you call Maha Parinirvana Day in recognition of the your father, Sri Nithya Arunachalananda Swami, who you claimed attained Maha-Samadi, the state of liberation?

Wow, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, that's really nice that you finally did something nice for your father. We have eyewitnesses that can testify how you abusively treated your parents even after you made the big time. It's nice to see that you treat everyone, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, equally. Equally bad that is. We remember how you finally started talking to your parents again, after years of the silent treatment, and how you then treated your parents as if they were complete strangers with distant-politeness. I'm sure all those diaper changes sure paid off, Paramahamsa Nithyananda. But, after 'working on' your parents and 'churning' them big time, it was nice to see that you actually went down and did all the last rites for your father. In fact, you even offered to put his soul back into his body, but you decided not to upon your mother's request. Nice.

So, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, if you have this special ability to put souls back into dead bodies, you must have some special miracle powers? Were you able to predict this death, Paramahamsa Nithyananda? Your very quiet again, Paramahamsa Nithyananda. I'm sure you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, were able to predict this, but you just played it cool, and let the grim reaper play his little leela (play)? Correct? Yes, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, we remember. You were giving a lecture to a captivated crowd that later would become a YouTube video, and with all those bright lights, fancy clothes, and make up, well, who wouldn't be a bit distracted and not notice your super godly powers telling you that your father just died. In fact, wasn't it just a mere human who received the news via a telephone call, then slipped you the note during your lecture? So, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, does this mean your father automatically attained Maha-Samadi, the state of liberation, or did he have to wait until you were tipped off and then you could liberate him?

So, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, can we conclude that any of your followers who die and have slaved their whole life for your empire must first have someone call the ashram to have them slip you a note so these dead devotees will be taken care of? Paramahamsa Nithyananda, is that part of your living 'enlightenment' pact? We don't know if this really seems like a guaranteed process. Seems a bit shaky to us.

And, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, if you say you can see all of those ghosts, why didn't your father's soul just come floating by during your lecture and say 'Hi'? He wasn't afraid that you were going to 'enlist' him in one of your red hot chili fire rituals? To be honest, if I died, I really wouldn't want to get that close to your red hot chili fire rituals either. Now, if you were roasting marshmallows, that sounds much more enticing.

And, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, could you tell us what your father died of? He seemed a bit young to be going into that next level. Did he take your "Health and Wellness" program? Paramahamsa Nithyananda, there wasn't anything else going on, was there? This was a natural death? We sure hope that.

Now tell us, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, why did you name this day Maha Parinirvana Day? Is this part of your 'enlightenment' marketing that if your devotees give you lots of cash and/or slave for you for a lifetime, then they, like your father, will get 'enlightenment' at the final moment?... after a phone call of course. Paramahamsa Nithyananda, is this how your holy business model is based on?

Paramahamsa Nithyananda, why isn't Parinirvana Day, or Nirvana Day is also a Mahayana Buddhist holiday celebrated in East Asia? Isn't this the day that Buddhists believe that Lord Buddha is said to have achieved Parinirvana, or complete Nirvana, upon the death of His physical body? And, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, doesn't this day usually come sometime in February? Usually the 8th or the 15th of February to be exact? And, to Buddhist, this day of Parinirvana does not come sometime in November? Wow, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, you must really be god to be happy to mess with this day and still claim that you're a caretaker of Vedic Culture!

Do you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, still have that big, heavy, larger-than-life marble statue of Lord Buddha in your Vedic Temple in Montclair, California? And you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, do not have any problems with recycling a holy day that is already in use? Does this mean that your father is now equal to Lord Buddha, and we can now expect to see a big, heavy, larger-than-life marble statue of your father next to Lord Buddha? Wow, I guess you, a self-proclaimed god, has the right to do such things.

And, what about other holy days, Paramahamsa Nithyananda? Are you going to name some special occasion of an existing holy day to mark your special version of Vedic Culture, you know, Vedic Culture as you know it? Paramahamsa Nithyananda, why don't you rename the day you were denied entry to the United States as Christmas? That way, somebody is not going to go and say that April 2nd, was just an extension of April Fool's Day.

I'm sure, Paramahamsa Nithyananda that all of your devotees will be glad to celebrate your Christmas in April, since all of your U.S. devotees are required to donate huge amounts of cash that they cannot afford, they will certainly get big refunds from the IRS from all of those tax-deductible write-offs.  Then you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, can demand that these people donate all their tax refunds to you on that day. If your followers do not refund their tax refunds to you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, you could then take away their 'enlightenment', and promise that you will not answer the phone or receive any notes on the day they die. But, then again, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, wouldn't know the day that your followers died, unless someone slips you a note. But, don't worry, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, I'm sure that your followers are much too excited about their 'enlightenment' that they won't think about those little details.

I bet, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, people will be more than glad to donate to your mission on this new Christmas Day. You, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, can call it the 'rebirth' of giving. Yes, we agree, that would be the corrected meaning of Christmas, in accordance to the Order of Nithyananda, that now happens to fall on April 2 every year.

Paramahamsa Nithyananda's Bliss Bytes Bite Back
Paramahamsa Nithyananda, can you believe that a bunch of your email went to my spam folder? Shameful. I don't think email knows how special you, as an 'enlightened' healing master, really are. Anyway, inside my spam folder was an email with the subject line "Bliss Byte - Click of the Day". Why heck, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, the title of the featured YouTube clip was "You Only Remember People Who Disturb You". Does this mean, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, that all of us contributing to this blog are being remembered by you right now? Well, that explains all of the mystery phone calls with the 626 area code and no message being left.

Just think, all your poor devotees that wait so patiently for your attention and who take all those expensive programs, volunteers to be your slave, or become one of your acharyas (teachers) with the mandate to brainwash additional potential devotees, all they really need to do in order to jump in front of the line is contribute to this blog. Presto! An instant shortcut to your darshan (sighting). Our heart energy centers are unlocking this very moment.

Let's take a look at this video now, shall we? No, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, you don't need to pay us anything for the referral. It is on us:

>> Nithyananda's Disturbing Lecture

(Don't forget to rate and comment. Hee. Hee.)

Wow, look at your clothes. These are the same Osho clothes we mentioned about being a cross between ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band’.
And, yes, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, according to your Bliss Byte logic, we all are going to remember YOU for life times after life times. In this way, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, are truly immortal to us.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.

Nithyananda Denied Entry to the US and Gets Visa Cancelled

“I’m not here to prove that I’m God; I’m here to show you that I’m a visa beggar.”
Paramahamsa Nithyananda, have you ever been in trouble with the U.S. immigration laws? I know, you will say something like “I’m grounded in Satya (truth) and the Vedic traditions. I just flow through this life with no resistance.” Nice try there, Sri Nithyananda. Do you remember your little mini tour to Canada in late March 2007? Sri Nithyananda! No, you cannot go into samadhi now. I didn’t bring any of those pictures with me. Sri Nithyananda, we just started! Quick. I have to think of something. I know, I will grab my notebook and make a sound of flipping through all the pages. frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp. (Sound of flipping pages in a notebook.) Sri Nithyananda, I have a stack of new hundred-dollar bills. Listen. frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Ah, thanks, there, Sri Nithyananda. I knew you would come out of samadhi. “I never touch money. It means nothing to me.” Thanks, Sri Nithyananda. I know that is the public face you put on, but there’s no one around, so you can behave like you do in private. After all, we have witnesses in 2007 when you held U.S. dollar bills and received hundreds of thousands of dollars in donations as a deposit for the Montclair temple. Boy, did you get excited. “Arrrffffrrrauugh!” Oh, I don’t know that word in Gruntanese, but I imagine that it is not a good thing.

OK, Sri Nithyananda, let’s get back to that Canadian tour of Spring 2007. Remember, you came first to your ashram, in Duarte, California. You, then, lectured and did some cash-collecting program. Then you, Sri Nithyananda, went up to Vancouver, Canada where you did some more lectures and then another cash-collecting program. Then, your next stop was going to be in Seattle, Washington where you were going to give some more lectures and of course, do another cash-collecting program.

However, things didn’t go quite as you planned. On the way back from Vancouver, Canada to the U.S. by car (because you thought you would be able to go ‘under the radar’ through the roadside immigration point), some U.S. Immigration Authority Officer that obviously never did Nithya Dhyaan, wore your mala (rosary) and bracelet, or even watched a YouTube clip of you did the unthinkable. Sri Nithyananda! You’re going into samadhi again. Stop! Stop! Here. frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Listen. That is a whole stack of new thousand-dollar bills. Oh, you’re back. That was a close one. Did that government official cancel your U.S. tourist visa? Why Sri Nithyananda? Were you wearing Bermuda shorts, a loud Hawaiian shirt, and some funny sunglasses while in California? But, Sri Nithyananda, even for acting ugly in America, immigration people usually do not cancel tourist reasons for that reason. Oh, it must have been all that cash you were carrying, brochures, books, Nithya malla’s (rosaries), and your website that tipped off the authorities. Sri Nithyananda, do you know that the U.S. authorities know how to surf the web and find things? Perhaps they all bookmarked your site on Delicious. Anyway, Sri Nithyananda, if you are in the U.S. as a tourist, they really want you to spend money and see the scenery... not to make money and cause a scene. I guess you learned that one the hard way.

Sri Nithyananda, do you remember the day that this all happened?  Why it was April 2.  Do you suppose the U.S. Immigration Office extended April Fools Day (which is on April 1st) by one day in your honor?  Looks like the joke was on you, Sri Nithyananda.  Should we celebrate this day?  You know, kind of like a Boston Tea Party Jyanti?

Sri Nithyananda, did the customs person give you the respect of a true Paramahamsa? You, know, did he act bias to you? You know, the same sort of racist stuff you dish out to white people? (Stay tuned for a future post.) Was this part of your karma, you know what you did to all those white people, someone did back to you? I thought that custom’s official acted with prejudice. Wasn’t that a bit blatant, just kind of like the way you, Sri Nithyananda, act towawards others? Why that custom’s official even wrote in your visa “Canceled With Prejudice.” How dare he! Oh, I’m sorry, “Canceled with Prejudice” is a legal term that means not-even-someone-who-thinks-he-has-divinity-in-his-pocket will be able to overturn this ruling. Oh, and, Sri Nithyananda, what was the custom official’s excuse? Because you were here for ‘holy’ business purposes and were not here as a tourist. Sri Nithyananda, you were busted! Get used to it, kid. There will be more times like this ahead.

Wow, that must have come as quite a shock. After all, Sri Nithyananda, you claim that you can do just about anything; you know, being so godly and all. I mean anyone that can do mass ‘enlightenment’ and proudly say that you’re the avatar of Lord Shiva, Lord Krishna, Devi Minakshi, Lord Ayyaapa, Lord Subramaniam, and a host of other deities could surely get a simple entry into the United States? Maybe it was because you were not wearing Bermuda shorts, a loud Hawaiian shirt, and some funny sunglasses. You know, you really should try that sometime. OK, if it’s cold, some blue jeans.

Now, Sri Nithyananda, since you do all these predictions like how my house will be the epicenter of a 2012 disaster and everything, why couldn’t you at least predict that this immigration official was not going to let you in? If you did that, you might have been able to let those poor devotees in Seattle, Washington enough time not to run all of those costly adds with you big picture on them or rent that big over-sized hall. I bet that hall echoed in your empty promise of being there for them. I imagine, Sri Nithyananda, that those devotees had to hang around the hall all night to tell other potential donors that you were on an extended vacation in Canada. Sri Nithyananda, were you skiing or moose spotting in Canada, eh? Sri Nithyananda, if you can’t even get a visa and predict that you would be denied entry, does this mean you will not be able to get me a new bicycle, a skateboard, or a drum set... or even a winning lottery ticket? Sri Nithyananda, am I wasting my time with you?

So tell me, Sri Nithyananda. With all that time on your hands up in Canada, what did you do, eh? Sri Nithyananda, Sri Nithyananda, Sri Nithyananda! Dang, samadhi again. frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Listen. This is the sound of new ten-thousand-dollar bills. No response. Fiddle-faddle. OK. I’ll have to do this one from memory. Yes, I remember now. Sri Nithyananda, you had all your big wealthy influential devotees fly up and pamper you. Wow, we have a VHS video of all of this. Let’s see what happen. There you are meeting all of those people. Sri Nithyananda, you sure look worried... you’re barking out orders to all those people... “Call your Congress Representative!” “Contact your Assembly person!” “Your Senator! Call her!”... and so on. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, you look like one of those people in the disaster movie that crawls over everyone to be the first out of the sinking ship or something. Sri Nithyananda, do you know how to swim? I didn’t think so. Except in bed, of course. Why you, Sri Nithyananda, were so desperate, you even asked white people to help you. Man, that must have been an all time spiritual low.

Ah, Sri Nithyananda, you’re coming to. Don’t worry, after all that begging, Divinity decided that you were now qualified for a religious visa. You were able to return to your ashram and go on with all your big, big, big plans. And, everyone lived happily ever after. Well, not really. But, you promise a make-believe-world, so it's OK to say that.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.

Part 3: Swami Nithyananda's Record at Healing

Swami Nithyananda's Quackery Clone Pales to a Comparison
When we last left you in our blog post from yesterday, "Part 2: Nithyananda's Record at Healing" (recommended to read before Part), poor Swami Nithyananda almost had his five-hour lunch served by a real cute female disciple disturbed in order to answer more questions about Swami Nithyananda's healing record. Fortunately, we agreed to do the interview around five o'clock when Swami Nithyananda was finished sampling all of his tasty treats.

I enter Swami Nithyananda's personal quarters. His hair looks like he's been sleeping, but he looks, well, very drained. Wow, thanks, there, Swami Nithyananda. Rrraugghhmmm. My translator in gruntnese says that means to make it quick. Say, isn't that a pair of panties on the floor? Sri Nithyananda, were you getting in touch with your female energies or were you 'shedding' some of those female energies? Raragrruama. Oh, my Gruntanese translator tells me he's really pissed now. Better go lightly.

OK, Sri Nithyananda, since you're a healing 'enlightened' master, do you prioritize giving healing to those that ask? Swami Nithyananda, you will say, "Yes" (in that standard Gruntanese), but guess what, I will say, "Not really." Sri Nithyananda during the opening ceremony for the Vedic Temple in Montclair, so you remember how there were about six handicapped people lined up in wheel chairs, etc. waiting for your healing? And, did you attend to them? "Arghhhh", you, Sri Nithyananda, say. (That means, "of course", in Gruntanese. You know, I was beginning to wonder where Swami Nithyananda learned to talk like a  nethanderal man, and then I remembered; A CLICK! It must be natural to him. He lived in a cave for nine months after claiming to be 'enlightened'.) Yes, Sri Nithyananda, I think you eventually saw those people... after making them wait hours and hours. Did you, Swami Nithyananda, do this to make them value your 'healing' session even more? Or, did you, Sri Nithyananda, so this to use them as 'marketing props', so everyone who came to the temple could see that you, Sri Nithyananda, real live handicapped people waiting to be 'healed' by you, an 'enlightened 'healing' master? Or, did you do it because you, Sri Nithyananda, know that your so-called 'healing' is a load of cow dung and that everyone will see firsthand that these people will have no change in their lives? Anyway, I hope that you, Sri Nithyananda, at least gave them a crossword puzzle or something to help them pass all that time. While I'm waiting for your answer, I think I will work on my crossword puzzle now. Sri Nithyananda, what's a nine-letter word that describes your operation? The first four letters are C-H-A-R and the last three letters are T-A-N. (Click Here to find out the answer. Come on, it's pretty good.)

And, Swami Nithyananda, what about your ashramites? Is their health pretty good? Sri Nithyananda, if they can stand and work, that doesn't mean that they are healthy. After all, you make them work! work! work! with no sleep! no sleep! no sleep! in order to build your empire in record time. Without having much sleep, are you, Sri Nithyananda, afraid that they might get sick or hurt? Oh, yes, you will take care of it. I remember that's a standard line down at the ashram. Did you take care of it after Sevakananda, Paramananda, and Bhatkananda had all those auto accidents? And, wasn't there some white guy in your ashram that worked so hard that he fell asleep at the wheel while driving a big truck on the freeway, much to the horror of his passenger from Ohio? Wow, Sri Nithyananda, I guess you're right. It would only take a miraculous 'healing' master to prevent them from having a serious or fatal accident. Just the same, I never saw a bunch of cars get dented so fast than visiting your ashram.

Now, that you, Sri Nithyananda, have taken care of that part of not having any sleep, how about the health issues of having sleep deprivations? After all, wouldn't it be nice to have healthy ashramites to represent an 'enlightened' healing master? Sri Nithyananda, you do recommend meditation and yoga?  Or, at least that's a way you, Swami Nithyananda, can draw people into your organization. So with all that sattvic (pure) food, meditations, and yoga, how come a lot of your ashramites got so overweight?

Swami Nithyananda. Hello. Swami Nithyananda. Do'h! Sumadhi again. I have one last picture. Oh, Sri Nithyananda, here's a very pretty picture of an ideal disciple of yours. She obviously pays a lot of attention to where her 'inner world' meets the 'outer world', in fact, that's probably why she's a lingerie model.

Sri Nithyananda, welcome back. So, why did the ashramites get so super-sized? Oh, I remember now. They don't need to do any of that meditation and yoga stuff. They're already 'enlightened'. And, besides, you will take care of them... and doing service is much better than that beginner's stuff like meditations and yoga. So, that explains all those extra pounds. True, Swami Nithyananda, you do 'require' your ashramites to do Nithya Dhyaan, your standard meditation everyday, early in the morning... but the ashramites are never held accountable to do that... and when they just had three hours of sleep, getting up to do Nithya Dhyaan just doesn't seem that worth while when you just experienced the ecstasy of sleep deprivations. So, that's how you get all of your ashramites to have visions, just take away their sleep and then their body logic takes over their mind logic. Makes perfect sense to me. So, I'm getting an understanding, Swami Nithyananda, you let your ashramites get so overweight out of your compassion and love. For now, with your ashramites, there's definitely more to love. Crystal clear.

Then of course there is your golden boy, Swami Medhananda. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, Swami Medhananda is sure good at imitating you. Medhananda knows all of your stories and the same Osho jokes that you, Sri Nithyananda, also tell. Some think that he is the only one of your disciples, besides you, Sri Nithyananda, who is genuinely enlightened. Swami Nithyananda, do you think that instead of Sri Nithya Medhananda Swami, a better name would be Sri Nithya Mini-Meananda Swami? Maybe you can wait until his last documentation such as credit cards, driver license, passport, everything is changed over to his latest spiritual name, then you can change his name from Sri Nithya Medhananda Swami to Sri Nithya Mini-Meananda Swami? What do you think? That would be perfect in making sure that you, Sri Nithyananda, are really 'working on him'.

So, Sri Nithyananda, if Swami Medhananda is like your Mini-Me, do you think that it might be a good investment to perform some laser eye surgery so that Swami Medhananda is not wearing those thick coke-bottom-glasses? And, Sri Nithyananda, you really need to let Swami Medhananda see a doctor about his swollen feet that has that inflamed skin condition with peeling skin oozing with inflected blisters. Sri Nithyananda, I know that is probably why you require him to wear sandals and socks indoors everywhere. A lot of people think that Swami Medhananda's foot attire is part of an entitlement package of being enlightened. Yes, having Swami Medhananda wearing shoes and socks does add to both of your mystics. Brilliant idea, there, Sri Nithyananda. Swami Medhananda's footwear requirement not only keeps your reputation intact but also prevents anyone from getting the same disease that Swami Medhananda has. I guess that is called preventative healing. Good on you, Nithyananda. This way, those donations keep flowing and you do not have to spend a single dime on a doctor. That’s good business sense.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.

Part 2: Nithyananda's Record at Healing

Nithyananda Gets a Doctor's Note
When we last left you in our blog post from yesterday, "Part 1: Nithyananda's Record at Healing" (recommended to read first), poor Sri Nithyananda seemed to have passed out from the very thought of us posting information on how someone who has attended his programs at the Vedic Temple in Montclair, Los Angeles, or suffered from a loved one who has attended any function in the Vedic Temple in Montclair, which is close to Los Angeles...

(Please note that we purposely repeat the term Vedic Temple in Montclair / Los Angeles so that Google will nicely index the keywords "Vedic Temple Montclair Los Angeles" so that anyone who does a search for "Nithyananda Vedic Temple Los Angeles exactly in Montclair" will be able to find this post about Nithyananda and his Vedic Temple in Montclair within the greater Los Angeles region. We apologies for the repetition of using the keywords of Vedic Temple Montclair Los Angeles.)

Where were we?... oh, yes, if anyone attended a function at the Vedic Temple in Montclair that is close to Los Angeles, that person could make a legal claim against, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, the Vedic Temple in Montclair, which is just a few miles from Los Angeles, and his cult. (Stay tuned for a future post.)

To help Sri Nithyananda come out of his 'instant' and convenient samadhi's, I brought along some pictures of some very attractive ladies to help him regain his awareness. Let's see if this works.

Sri Nithyananda, I'm so glad that we're back together again to continue this discussion about your healing record and help to clarify it. Sri Nithyananda, are you going into samadhi already or are you just rolling your eyes? Sri Nithyananda, since you claim that you are an 'enlightened' healing master, do you ever get sick? You will say, "No." OK, I thought that is what you would say. After all, if anyone ever sees you, Sri Nithyananda, get sick, that would kind of ruin the market, kind of like being a pregnant prostitute, wouldn't it? Sri Nithyananda, you can't go into samadhi this early. We barely got started. OK, Sri Nithyananda, could you help explain the special ingredients that must help an 'enlightened' master that specifically found in Airborne®? Yes, we know that you munch on Airborne® as if it were popcorn or something. Is that why you're packing all those extra pounds? Come on, Sri Nithyananda, you have to admit that your face has grown chubbier than a chipmunk. Sri Nithyananda, where do you get your supply of Airborne®? Do you have your 'trusted' devotees bring them to you? Of course, you do. Why, we even know some of the people who supplied you all this Airborne® before you gone off on you journeys, you know when you sit in the first class cabin of some big jet, why you make your assistant, Ma Nithyananda Gopika, sit in the cattle cart section of economy coach. I'm sure the attractive flight attendants give you all the attention you need to help make it through that long, lonely journey.

Speaking of Ma Nithyananda Gopika, how's she doing, Sri Nithyananda? Does she still carry all of your oversized luggage and your big, big, big gold accessories? That's pretty heavy lifting there, Sri Nithyananda. And, Sri Nithyananda, why does your luggage sound like a pair of maracas? Oh, that's her luggage, not your luggage, Sri Nithyananda. OK, so why does Ma Nithyananda Gopika's luggage sound like a pair of maracas? Let's take a look. Oh, it is full of extra strength painkillers. Why would anyone around an 'enlightened' healing master be carrying around bottles of painkiller?

Sri Nithyananda, you're going into samadhi again. Here, look at this picture of this pretty lady. She is a traditional belly dancer. Maybe you can have her do a performance at one of your traditional functions? Oh, yes, you're right. Perhaps you, Sri Nithyananda, better have a private screening first, just to make sure of her qualifications.

OK, Sri Nithyananda, I'm glad you're out of samadhi. Now, why does your personal assistant, Ma Nithyananda Gopika carry, all those pain relief pills on her? Oh, that's right. She has severe back pain. You, know, Sri Nithyananda, you might want to give her a little attention and heal her back. That would be a nice thing to do for her, after she has done all of this work for you; you know, Sri Nithyananda, she works almost 24x7 just for you. It is only fair. And, that way, Sri Nithyananda, others won't ever question your healing abilities.

Sri Nithyananda, Ma Nithyananda's back problems are not attributed to you, are they? After all, it is a well-known fact that you do break the backs of all your ashramites. Do they ever get any rest? Do they ever stop working? Do they ever have a day off? OK, Sri Nithyananda, we'll save that one for another post.

Sri Nithyananda, back to you. Have you ever gotten visibly sick? Not at least to the point that anyone ever has noticed? OK, Sri Nithyananda, I know you will say, "No." That response was pretty easy to guess, but once again, Sri Nithyananda, you're wrong. Sri Nithyananda, do you remember your first NSP program held in Newark, close to Fremont, California in the Bay Area / San Jose region of California in 2004? Of course you do. Why Sri Nithyananda, the air circulation in that hotel, the Holiday Inn Express, was way off, and everyone got sick, except for you because you are an 'enlightened' healing master, correct? However, you did hold a little orange handkerchief, and that little orange handkerchief did some magic trick around your nose about every 30 seconds. And, Sri Nithyananda, your voice sounded pretty raspy too. Was that due to some fire ritual or was it due to yelling at the people who you were traveling with?

And, what about that time in St. Louis, 2007 to be exact?  Your nose was running longer and faster than a marathon finalist during that final sprint for the finish.  And, all that coughing of yours; was that your special gift to attendees?  Why you, Sri Nithyananda, could market this as a special technique of 'hack' your way to 'enlightenment', but probably just being in your presence is enough.  And, that handkerchief that you used that day, what did you, Sri Nithyananda, do with that?  I hope you disposed of it properly.  I could just imagine some deluded followers of yours proudly displaying that filthy piece of cloth in their prayer room.  "Yes, you see all this snout and buggers?  That's from an 'enlightened' healing master!  It radiates energy.", and germs, no doubt.  Sri Nithyananda, did you ever release a video about the 'truths' you revealed in St. Louis in 2007 when you were so sick?  We thought you would say "no".  Better to re-record those after you had some Airborne®.

Sri Nithyananda, that seems to be quite a trap you worked yourself into. Now, you can never get sick or show any one that your not feeling well, or your validity vanishes even faster than your ashramites' life savings. What if you get high blood pressure or something? I bet you have to work extra hard to hush-hush that. I bet all it will take, Sri Nithyananda, is for someone to throw a couple of banana peels your way, and then you slip right into your own trap. I hope, Sri Nithyananda, you can escape from this. Would this be a new form of 'enlightenment'?

Wait, Sri Nithyananda, there must be a way out of this trap. I know, each time you get a common cold or something, you can claim that you have taken on the karma of a severe trauma patient who happens to be related to a big donor and say that I have taken on and am burning off that poor person's karma. This way, you can still be human and get sick, and get the gratitude of some big donor who will be glad to write a big check and hope that you get even sicker next time. Why this works with just about anyone, Sri Nithyananda. I bet you, Sri Nithyananda, can say things like "You would have gotten in a terrible auto accident, but instead, I got this cold sore near my lip. It is through my grace, as an 'enlightened' master that I took this cold sore on." Wow, Sri Nithyananda, I see the checkbooks opening now! Sri Nithyananda, you could now say that you suck up other people's bad karma like a big sponge.  Others might then say that you are truly a spiritual sponge.

Sri Nithyannda, do you remember shortly after you opened the Vedic Temple in Montclair and one of your followers came to you with their child who had a severe, chronic, incapacitating, debilitating illness? Sri Nithyananda, are you going into samadhi again? Listen. You did several 'healings' on this child, and at one point you boldly proclaimed that, "You are healed!" The mother of this child had so much trust in you and your healing capabilities that she took her child off the medication. Two days later, her child was in serious condition and almost rushed to the emergency room if the medicine (not your 'healing') was not resumed. Why that could have resulted in a big lawsuit and perhaps even criminal charges. Do you remember this, Sri Nithyananda? Sri Nithyananda, can you hear me? Dang. He's gone into samadhi again. Sri Nithyananda, I'm holding a picture of a very attractive lady in a nurse outfit. Boy, that hemline on her skirt seems very short for a nurse uniform; in fact, there's not much of a hemline at all. Do you think she's a real nurse just as you, Sri Nithyananda, are a real 'healer'? Ah, I knew you would come to, Sri Nithyananda.

Sri Nithyananda, what do you say when you cannot heal someone but there still alive? Yes, we already know your trick about saying that you healed their soul, but not their body, when they died. But, what if they don't die, but still not healed? Sri Nithyananda, you're going into samadhi again. Snap out of it! I'm almost out of pictures. Let me help you. One of our blog readers wrote in to tell us a story that you told in your book, "Guaranteed Solutions". You said that you went to heal the person and then this person's 'being' (I guess you mean soul) came out and talked to you. That conversation was in Tamil, even though the 'patient' never spoke Tamil before. Nandri. Vanakkam. And, according to you, that being said to you, "Hands off! I want to live a nice life being taken care of. I don't want to be healed!" Do you remember this, Sri Nithyananda?

Although I couldn't find this reference in my edition of "Guaranteed Solutions", first edition, Dec. 2005, I remember the first time that you said something like this was at the first acharya (teacher) training program in the Siddhachalam Jain Temple in New Jersey in September 2004. During the acharya training, there was a very dedicated and sincere family with an autistic child. Without mentioning their names, you, Sri Nithyananda, blurted out this 'truth'. The child's mother was very upset, naturally, and we all knew who you were talking about. Sri Nithyananda, did you really mean to pit off the parents of an autistic child versus their devotion for you? Now, families that have relatives or children that cannot be healed by you can now blame their sick loved ones for having uncooperating souls. That's quite a coup there, Sri Nithyananda. Are there other ways that you, Sri Nithyananda, go and break up families? (Hint: look for future posts.) I imagine that you need to be very careful before you play this card, because some families might even believe their loved ones more than the stories from an 'enlightened' healing master, Sri Nithyananda. At that point, these non-believers will just close their checkbooks and miss. Sri Nithyananda, that could really hurt. Neither do you get their donations and they miss your blessings. Scandalous. But, if you carefully plan and calculate the family's devotion to you, by using this tactic, you, Sri Nithyananda, go unscathed and still rack in big donations. Sri Nithyananda, you're quite a baller!

Sri Nithyananda, you say that it is lunchtime? But, we are not finished yet. Oh, I see there's a young attractive lady who has brought you your lunch. Sri Nithyananda, can we finish this conversation after you have your lunch? What? In five hours? But, it doesn't take five hours to eat lunch, does it? OK, OK, you look thoroughly not happy, Sri Nithyananda. I'll come back after five hours, but we need to get this clear so nobody will have any doubts about you, Sri Nithyananda, and your healing abilities any more.

To be continued...

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.

Part 1: 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's Record at Healing

So-Called 'Swami' Nithyananda, a Well Healed Master
Paramahamsa Nithyananda, do you remember when you first came to the U.S. and you said that healing was your calling card? "Aghhhh." Nice grunt there, Sri Nithyananda. We have a translator and we understand that "Aghhhh" means "Yes" in Gruntanese. By the way, will Gruntanese be your official language when you do finally get that country you've been aiming for? Sorry, I didn't mean to side track you from your busy schedule. There's a lot potential donors in the audience and you need to work each one so they will give you the maximum. Sorry, Sri Nithyananda, this won't take very long at all.

So, Sri Nithyananda, can you tell us about your miraculous healing abilities? Does your healing energy always work? Sorry, there, Sri Nithyananda, but your wrong again. You’re a little spotty there, kind of like your healing energy. If someone comes for healing and you say in your trademark language "You will be healed.” and for some reason, that person is not healed and keels over and dies, what do you tell them, Sri Nithyananda? We want to hear. After all, your reputation and ability to score big donations and possibly a cut of someone's will is at stake. Tell us, Sri Nithyananda. We want to know. Sri Nithyananda, are you in Samadhi again? You just look very blank and expressionless. Oh, I remember what you tell these people, you, Sri Nithyananda, say "I healed the soul." Wow, that seems like a full proof alibi. That's almost as good as your ‘immaculate conception’ story (note: future blog post)... that way, you're never held responsible... and the dead person is never going to bother you... in fact you might be able to enlist them into your service of slavery with a few red chilies and camp fire ritual. Pretty cool. And, the survivors, who just might be flushed with an inheritance, (we know you give lots of attention to the rich donors... because they have more time to be confused, and you pity them, right?...) Anyway, these rich donors just might be willing to write you an even bigger check if you say the right thing... and saying that you healed their soul (after dying) is just the thing. Completely unverifiable... but if the survivors are under your sway, they will just blush thinking that they did the best thing they ever could have done in their lives is to bring their sick loved ones to be blessed with your special ‘healing’ touch right before they croaked. Ah, you're too good for us, Sri Nithyananda.

Tell, me, Sri Nithyananda, since you healed their soul, does that make you a shoe repairman? Oh, that's the wrong type of soul. This soul is as in 'soul mate', and in husband and wife. Wow, what happens when one of your soul mate devotees gets a divorced over you, say like that Sri Nithya Ajara, a.k.a. Arun Prasant? Remember, he's one of your special priests in California that not only divorced his wife because of you, but then went and womanized to make even more divorces. Is it something like the sole of the shoe doesn't fit the foot? So, all these 'souls' need refitting and you heeled, I mean healed them? Sri Nithyananda, when you say healed them, do you really mean 'heeled' them? It seems like these people got a kick from you... but when you have your own priest doing really bad things, you never even think of kicking him out of your order. Why's that? Are your womanizing priests good for business? I mean that priest will draw more willing and gullible ladies closer to your sphere and test them out for you? And, then they all become confused... so they need special guidance from an ‘enlightened’ master, and perhaps some special healing energy? Sri Nithyananda, you're such a marketing stud. If Bernie Madoff had you as a healing master, I bet he'd still be in business enjoying the good life. Don't worry, Sri Nithyananda, I'm sure you'll find some other opportunities like Mr. Madoff.

Sri Nithyananda, let's look at some of your healing record right now. Sri Nithyananda, can you heal gray hairs? Another session of Samadhi? Why look, Sri Nithyananda, two years ago, you really had a bumper crop of gray hairs? Where are all those gray hairs now? Come to think of it, in the last six years, you, Sri Nithyananda, look like you have aged even faster than your incredible banyan tree, but don't worry, Sri Nithyananda, we'll roast you about this in another post. Back to those gray hairs... can you heal them? Do they really matter? Another instant case of Samadhi! Wake up, Sri Nithyananda, and smell the instant coffee. Do you remember that you told some of your swamis to dye their hair back in 2006? I'll help you remember, you, Sri Nithyananda told Sri Nithya Bhaktananda Swami and Sri Nithya Paramananda to dye their hair. That way, they look like youthful studs, and attract the younger crowd... and those younger ladies are much more useful than those older ladies, at least that what it seems like to you, Sri Nithyananda? Now, I know you, Sri Nithyananda, are faking another round of Samadhi. But, honestly, Sri Nithyananda, all those times you gave people your darshan, I never saw any old ladies with gray hair by your side. But, Sri Nithyananda, don't you know, if you surround yourself with all these young ladies and swamis with dyed hair, you are not going to look that young any more. Why in comparison, you are looking more like Jaggi Vasudev of the Isha Foundation. Isn't that one of your rivals? Don't you want to market yourself as a distinction from him? Oh, I get it now; you want to like Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh), for Osho is definitely the model for everything about you. How silly of me to forget. Sorry, Sri Nithyananda, we’re off track again, but please no more Samadhi's.

Back to those gray hairs... so Sri Nithyananda, if you really wanted to, could you just heal your swamis' gray hair? After all, it costs a lot of money to purchase hair dye, and you don't like to have those additional expenses, do you? Oh, you said that you pity all of the people employed at Grecian Formula ® would be out of work if you healed all those gray hairs. How thoughtful of you. I guess this means that workers at Rogaine and Viagra will not be hurting any time soon either. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, you are sure thoughtful.

Sri Nithyananda, I guess you are right. Why bother to heal something when you can just get it from a bottle. After all, you don't really want to be wasting all your time with graying, balding, and impotent men. That's not what you came down to this planet to do. Healing young, attractive ladies to overcome their fears of intimacy, now that seems to be much more rewarding. Why that even sounds like one of your trademark slogans, "Just relax and surrender to me, the 'enlightened' master. I'll take care of the rest." I bet you will, Sri Nithyananda.

Sri Nithyananda, are people who are under your special healing energy going to be healed faster? That would make sense? Oh, you say "Yes". Sorry, wrong again. Sri Nithyananda, didn't one of your volunteers in 2007 hurt his arm while installing the big, big, big statues of deities in your Vedic Temple in Montclair, California? Has his arm recovered? Where did you go, Sri Nithyananda? Oh, Samadhi again. We really need to stop this instant Samadhi thing. We understand, Sri Nithyananda that after two years, this person's arm has not recovered at all. This poor guy received at least five healing treatments from you, and now, two years later, the doctors have him on physical therapy. The doctors say that he will never fully recover. Wow, your big, big, big, statues of deities sure do bring people good luck. Break a leg, kid. I’m only joking, Sri Nithyananda.

Hey, Sri Nithyananda, since this guy got hurt while at your temple, can he make a claim against your insurance? (Watch for a future post complete with forms on how to claim injuries including brainwashing that occurred at the Vedic Temple in Montclair, California for you and your loved ones.) Sri Nithyananda, I'm sure you would like to see this person get healed or at least have him shut up and not even hint that you're healing energy is useless?  Is this correct?

Oh, Sri Nithyananda. Did you just pass out? Or is this a real Samadhi? Help! Help! Is there a doctor in the house? Oh, Sri Nithyananda, you look so sick and pale. We'll continue to investigate your healing energies tomorrow, when you are feeling better.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.

Nithyananda, Can You Repeat that 360 Vision?

Another Visionary Round Again, a 360 Repeat?  Wow, That Makes Our Heads Spin!
Paramahamsa Nithyananda, do you remember your first big enlightenment experience where you could see 360 degrees when you were just the tender age of twelve?  You said in your book, Glimpses of My Master Nithyananda, first 'first' edition, p. 138-9, that with your eyes closed, you could see 360 degrees in your 'vision field'?  Of course you do.

Ever since that first experience, Sri Nithyananda, you claim that you can see in back of you as well as in front of you with your eyes closed (p. 140). Can you give us a presentation of this now?  No, no, no, Sri Nithyananda, you don't need to do the whole satori (flash of sudden awareness) scene.  We realize that you are a busy businessman with plans to build a big stadium.  We know that you have no time for such matters.  And, Sri Nithyananda, we definitely do not want you to spin your head 360 degrees like Linda Blair.  That Linda Blair thing is way over the top, although there are some people who think this is the real you, we realize this is out of scope, and we will vouch that you, Sri Nithyananda, never claimed to be able to do that.  No, Sri Nithyananda, we only want you to reenact this ‘divine’ vision of 360 degrees that you told us so much about?  Can you, then, Sri Nithyananda, close your eyes and tell us what you see all around you?  That's all, Sri Nithyananda. 

You will say ‘No’. We accept your honesty. This is the Truth.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fraudulent cult.