It's Official, Slammer Time for Sex Swami, Nithyananda, Fugitive from the Law - Warrant Issued for His Arrest - Plus Updates on Cult's Unsavory Fraud
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. What's new? We don't care about your latest YouTube video, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. It's morning here in the United States, and we need to wake up. In fact, we think that you might need to wake up too, 'Swami' Nithyananda, and smell the coffee grinds. Hey, look, just in.
FLASH NEWS: CONFIRMED, ARREST WARRANT ISSUED FOR NITHYANANDA
Look, Sri Nithyananda, here's the full article on our favorite (not your favorite) newspaper, the Deccan Herald.
Warrant Against Nithyananda
Gee, 'Swami' Nithyananda, you sure made Chandan Nandi, the reporter for the Deccan Herald, one busy man. He probably doesn't get to see his family because of you. But, that's nothing new.
Wow, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, we're still getting all the details, but looks like an arrest warrant was issued against you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, for failing to appear in a court in Sriperumbudur near Chennai, Tamil Nadu. Oh, oh, Sri Nithyananda, does this mean that the Tamil Nadu Police will now have to execute the warrant? And, does this mean that the Tamil Nadu Police can go after you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, and arrest you? And, does this mean that the Tamil Nadu Police can drag your smelly tush and produce it along with the rest of you before the court of law to hear the cheating case against you? 'Swami' Nithyananda, does this mean that the Tamil Nadu Police can cross the state borders to look for you? And, does this mean that the Tamil Nadu Police do not have to wait for some very slow moving Chief Minister of Karnataka who seems to be sitting on his hands and just go and nab you? Perhaps now there will be a little momentum for other states to rush and file arrest warrants against you. Gee, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, this could become like an Easter Egg hunt. Are you still hiding in Nepal? Then, this could be come an international Easter Egg hunt, perhaps for one rotten egg.
Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, you proved that wearing holy saffron is a real turn on to some ladies, it works better than spandex. But, if things keep on going as they are going, we're sure that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, will be wearing only saffron for years to come and nothing else. Hey, look, 'Swami' Nithyananda, here's a picture of your new holy uniform now:
Swami' Nithyananda, this arrest warrant seems like very bad news. Will we still be seeing a bunch of new YouTube videos featuring that sick little giggle of yours? Just think, Sri Nithyananda, now there will be a whole new list palms you will need to grease, and just a little dab of your snake oil is not going to do it. You, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, will need some serious cash. But, don't worry, there, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we bet that your criminal, criminal lawyer will be happy to add the additional new business that you'll be giving him. Just a tip from us, be sure to pay him first. Looks like you'll be needing his services for some time to come.
Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, what are you going to do about this? Looks like your cash cow in Los Angeles has laid an egg and is closed. Where are you going to find the money to get you out of this? Oh, it's confirmed that you sent out your Public Relations Expert, Sri sometimes-Swami 'Stonewall' Sachitananda, a.k.a. Siva Vallabhaneni, to the rescue. Wasn't that the same person that released that video of himself leisurely leaning back and telling how blissful life was at your ashram the day after parts of it were burned down? Looks like Sachitananda is trying to corral all the fence-sitting donors and wrestle control of your now-closed temple in Los Angeles. Wow, 'Swami' Nithyananda, you sure are giving Sachitananda a real challenge. Imagine what it's like for him to say that Swami will take care, and this is just a test to see who really is deserving of your 'enlightenment' and your 'grace' while news flashes race across the satellite TV and websites stating that a warrant is out for the arrest of now fugitive 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda for failing to manifest himself in court after offending religious sentiments and carrying out unsavory acts while wearing holy saffron cloth. It's going to take a team effort to get these donors to part with any of their cash now. Better get that smooth operator, coo-coo Muku, a.k.a. Sri Nithya Niranjananda, to help massage their money right our their wallets.
Hey, we have an idea, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. Since you already robbed the dignity from all your room service ladies, and since you thoroughly brainwashed them to do anything in the name of service to you, and since the temple is officially closed to the public, and since we know there's already a big, king size mattress in your designated 'office' quarters that probably already is showing a bit of wear and tear... Oh, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we really can't suggest that. No, siree. We don't know where that idea came from... hmmm.... maybe that came from observing you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda at that Hindu Temple in Norwalk in March 2007 where you had one of our contributors stay outside your door and guard it. Were those some pranayama breathing exercises you were doing there along with your room service lady? Sorry, we digress. There must be a better way to make some quick cash and besides, that would make the criminal case against you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, even more severe. Sorry, it was just a thought that crept into our minds. But, just the same, you're not trying to raise money that way, are you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda?
Here's a better idea, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. We think you must have had an 'investors' club going. No, not the legitimate business that one of your swamis who was known for dignity and honesty (of course, he's already left you and your cult), but you know, 'Swami' Nithyananda, that informal 'investors' club' that we're just getting wind of now. Perhaps instead of 'donations' some of your big, big, investors, oops, we meant to say 'donors' along with many of your ashramites poured in a bunch of cash, perhaps maybe their entire savings, because you, Sri Nithyananda, promised them a financial return on all this cash you were scooping up. Maybe this was the 'seed' money and once their were trees, then they could all eat the fruits from those trees. Is that what you, 'Swami' Nithyananda promised them? Somehow, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, we're getting a flashback of the story of Adam and Eve, but we can't figure out who is playing the role of the snake. There's just too many suspects. But, our idea, 'Swami' Nithyananda, if there indeed was an investor's club, perhaps you can tell them the only way they will get their money back is if they pour even more money into your hopeless money pit. We know, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, that these folks are already gullible. And, they are already known to give you, Sri Nithyananda, money. So, these 'donors' just might believe this new story and open up their checkbooks and write you just enough cash to get you out of this minor inconvenience. And, if your 'investors', oops, we meant to say, 'donors' seem to hesitate, you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, can have them sign a ten-page contract (sound familiar?) to assure them that those who invest, oops, we meant to say 'donate' now will get a special darshan (blessings) done by 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, the Healing Swami and now Fugitive of the Law. Perhaps you can pull together a whole little packet of 'energized' goodies, like a special mala (rosary), some sandals from Wal*Mart that were worn by the Master himself (that's you, Mr. Holy man but just remember to have Sachit take the price tag off first), and other trinkets that you couldn't give away just like the packets you put together for your Healer's Initiation. And, if these 'donors' still hesitate, you can add an addendum to your contract that says that if in the 'impossible' case that the Life Bliss Foundation (or what ever of the many Foundation names you plan to use) tanks, then those that 'donate' now will be the first to get their cash back before all the creditors and law suits claim all of the assets. Yes, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, you already know you have to play hardball when making holy business deals.
The Life Bliss Investor's Club Demonstrates the Ancient Mystery of Nithyananda's Pyramid Power
Wow, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, if there was an 'investors' club, then that just might explain why there is still so much loyalty to you form people who we know otherwise would have had the smarts to get out from you long ago. This explains why Sri Nithyananda Niranjananda, a true family man, would still be out trying to support you and why he is trying to get others to pour even more cash into a scheme that is proving to be a loser. But, poor guy (no pun intended), if he continues this downward spiral, he might end up in the same boat that you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, are in. How will he be able to explain that to his son? Kind of a drag if he gets put into a federal prison and then only gets to see his family through security gate. We really hope that this doesn't happen to him or even to Sri Sachitananda or even Bhaktananda. These swamis are actually really good people, we just wished they started to use their brains and a little common sense. Let's wish them luck, Sri Nithyananda... Sri Nithyananda? Are you still there? Sri Nithyananda! That's not the Tamil Police!... That's just some Boy Scots asking us to buy tickets for their raffel. We'll tell them that you already gave at the office, and you can come out from under the bed now. Gee, that bed has been the center of so much trouble. Maybe 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, you can start a YouTube lecture about the how beds add bad karma to people's lives and how true devotees who don't want bad karma should sleep in phone booths. Sorry, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we can see you didn't like that idea, but honestly, it isn't much better than your current batch of YouTube videos.
Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.
Day 134: One Hundred and thirty-four days have passed since Sri Nithyananda's bloggers of the Parallel Universe of La-La Land have not answered our simple chronological questions. We'll keep on reminding them.
Day 156: One hundred and fifty-six days have passed since Sri Nithyananda and his organizations have threatened a baseless lawsuit against us. We'll keep on counting.
