Holy Houdini! Sex Swami Nithyananda is Absconding! It's Official. Non-bailable Warrant Issued.

Summary:

Today, 6 September 2018, there was a hearing date to allow Nithyananda's legal counsel to argue against allowing the forensic evidence, specifically the sleaze video, to be submitted as evidence. Sorry to say that none of Nithyananda's big-shot attorneys* showed up to the court. Nithyananda and the other accused (not counting Gopal Reddy Sheelum, a.k.a. Bhaktanadna, A-2, for he is already separated from the rest of the trial because he went AWOL last June) bother to show up either. The Judge had no choice but to issue non-bailable arrest warrants to Swami Nithyananda (A-1) and Siva Vallabhaneni, a.k.a. Sri Sachitananda (A-3). Gopal Reddy Sheelum already has a non-bailable warrant out for his head. The judge allowed Sri and Ma Sadhananda (A-4 and A-6) a break because they normally show up. The Judge also allowed Ragani Vallabhaneni, Ma Sachitananda (A-5) a break due to her serious illness of cancer. So, now the holy threesome (A1 thru 3) are all prison bound before the main trial begins if they get caught.

* It is our understanding that one local attorney did show up on behalf of Nithyananda. He wasn't prepared to argue and just informed the judge that the other high-profile attorneys including CV Nagesh and Paramila (Ranjitha's attorney) were too busy doing something else.

Please read the Court's Daily Status for 6 September 2018, which we posted in the comments below for the official ruling.

Sex Swami Nithyananda Hones in on his Disappearing Siddhis. Court Sees Differently. Absconding!

Hi there, Sri Nithyananda, where have you been? The CID police and the judge were looking all over for you today. Geez, you, Oh Great One, should have been there. At the very least, you, Salamander Nithyananda, should have brought your very own Hollywood Wax Museum piece, you know, the one that you put in center stage and have all your fawning sycophants worship when you are not there, which has been every day for almost three months. Yeah, that statue is totally creepy, but captures the essence of you. What irony. Hey, Nastyananda, do the eyes move in that statue like a grade 'B' horror movie? Just asking. OK, if that statue was too heavy for your muscle flexing yoga thugs to haul into the court, at least they should have brought in one of those cut-out cardboard pieces and told the judge that you're busy exploring the second dimension. And, as soon as one of your pretty room service ladies, ah, pumps you up and blows some life back into you, you'll be ready to proceed with the hearing. Or at least they could have said that you were run over by a steamroller and that you needed to take some of your so-called ayurvedic Viagra to pop up again. Who knows? They might have bought it.

But, now, Sri Nithyananda, your absense upset the judge, and he has cancelled your bail and issued a non-bailable arrest warrant out for you. All because you didn't show up. Tsk. Tsk.

And where were all your well-paid, well-dressed, and well-fed attorneys? Well, Well. There goes your wealth. They didn't bother to show up either. Was that like that hippie philosophy of 'what if they have a war and no one showed up'? Where were they? Were they too busy watching reruns of 'Dallas'? Did you not pay them? You oh knowing avatar of every known deity on the planet, couldn't have run out of cash, could you? We know that it's been almost three months since you last held one of your money-making programs where you separate 15 grand out dumb-as-paint dolts who've been lured in by the promise of learning grade 'B' magic tricks and passing those off as spirituality. A fool and his money are soon parted. But, you, Mr. Nithyananda, are no fool. No siree. How much money do you have squirreled away? And, what's the going currency in big house? We sure you'll have plenty of it.

Apparently, something was much more interesting to Nithyananda's attorneys than defending the Divine Avatar.
Perhaps they were binge watching reruns of 'Dallas'?

What do you have to say for yourself, MNr. Nithyananda? "Rrrgaga." What? That was short. What does that mean? "I can't talk now. The CID will be able to trace my hiding spot like they did last time, thanks to Bhaktananda and his 'Calling Mother India' calling card. Yeah, everyone calls me a mother these days, but I don't want to be called. I just want to be left alone with a few comfy amenities." So, it's true, Mr. Nithyananda, you're hiding? "Well, not exactly. I can't talk now. Here's a picture."

Sex Swami Nithyananda, the undisputed Abs Skunk King

Gee, Salamander Nithyananda, this picture seems a bit esoteric for us. What could it mean? We guess that there's a fine line between enlightened genius and downright weird and insane. We imagine that line is so thin that it doesn't exist at all. We see some buff guy showing off his tummy muscles and a stinky rodent wearing a crown on its head. Hey, Sri Nithyananda, that couldn't be you, is it? "The skunk?" No, don't be silly. The guy showing off his abdomen muscles. Yeah, it couldn't be you, oh Porkananda. Quite frankly, you've gotten quite chubby lately with all those room service ladies eager to please with late night snacks to go along with the midnight show. Sorry that we asked.

What could this picture mean? Hey, we think that we figured it out. It was like a puzzle. But, it obviously means that you, Pornomahamsa Nithyananda, want to drink a six pack of royal skunk beer. Did we get it right? Or is it because you are the king of smelly bellies?

"Rrrrah!" OK. OK. A simple 'no' would be suffice. So, what could it possible mean, Oh Mr. Holy Molly with the Dolly? "I'm abs skunk king." What? How long have you 'downloaded' English for? Yup, we remember that when you first came to the United States back in 2003, you said that you Salami Nithyananda, downloaded English. Just like you downloaded Sanskrit. Like right. Remember how you said that you traveled the breadth of India and didn't touch money but you BOUGHT that 'Learn to speak Hindi' book at the train station? Or did you swipe it? And, then you that Hindi was like Sanskrit, so you downloaded the whole language. And, have you ever downloaded Kannada, the official language of the State of Karnataka where your HQ of La-La Land Ashram is situated? We know that you're most comfortable with Tamil. And, since almost all of your Indian followers are from Tamil, it's like forming a colony in Karnataka. But, really, Sri Nithyananda. You had that ashram in Karnataka for over 16 years now. You, Oh (de)Grating one, get pulled to Court almost daily now. So, when are you going to download Kannada? We wait. Soon, you might have all the time in the world to download anything you choose including "I Love Lucy" reruns. Sorry, we digress.

So, you say that the meaning to this picture that you presented to us is that you are Abs Skunk King?

Don't you mean absconding? With a 'D'? What could a 'D' possibly be associated with you, Creepyji Nithyananda?

Oh, dear, Sri Nithyananda. You better put a spin on this right now. Or you will lose every one of your followers who are still with you. All fifty of them. You better come up with something quick!

Hey, we know, just say that you are perfecting your disappearing siddhis. Poof! You're gone! And, that you'll gladly teach these disappearing siddhis at your next Maha Sadashivoham or Inner (rude) Awakening class at a baragin $30,000 a pop, which is only double of your latest $15,000 a pop that you charge to deprived sleep from once-rich seekers who hallucinate as they stare into bricks, peak under blindfolds, and move coconuts on other people's shaky hands. Hey, you could easily pull of that price of $30K if you can make everyone disappear without a trace. Just think of all the criminals on the run that will flood your ashram? Well, shucks, your ashram is already full of criminals. Your new marketing segment will feel right at home. Cool! We hear that cash register ringing already. Clink! Clink!

On the downside, Sri Nithyananda, is that if you show up then that nasty little non-bailable arrest warrant is going to snag you right into the slammer again. Clink! Clink! Ooopsie. We had the wrong sound effects earlier. Oh, well.

Hmmm... you, salamander Nithyananda, could do more of your distant learning. But, the CID Police might be able to trace your IP address.

Oh, we get it! You, Sri Nithyananda, will just use more siddhis to get out of every going to prison, other than the 53 days in 2010 and a couple of nights in 2012. Never again. And, you will be able to teach those siddhis along with your now proven disappearing siddhis to anyone who needs to disappear and reappear but not go to jail. You, oh great one, will not only get criminals on the lam, but you will get tax cheats, politicians, PR professionals, shady real estate agents like Bhakta, and even some professional sports figures when they miss a big game due to some hangover or failed drug test. Instead of $30,000 USD a pop, you can ask and get $100,000 a pop once you have perfected the technique yourself.

It goes a little like this. Anyone, we repeat, anyone can slip out of a pair of handcuff. Child's play. Why even Paris Hilton can do that.

Paris Hilton applies the handcuff escape technique taught by Siddhi Master, Sri Nithyananda, after being pulled over for having possession of Life Bliss Holy Water.

And, look, Sri Nithyananda, here's a shot from the latest hidden camera right in your bedroom.

Practice makes perfect. Sri Nithyananda teaches the art of
escape with one-on-one sessions in his bedroom.

Child's play! We get it now, Salami Nithyananda. You're a marketing genius. To be able to attract a large crowd that is willing to shell out the big bucks, you need to make quite a sensation. Just like Harry Houdini!

Sex Swami Nithyananda tied by his own chain of fools.

All dressed up and nowhere to go, except to the
big house for one very long dinner date.

To be seen or not to be seen? That is the question...with big consequences.  Most likely to be mean up the river for the rest of his life.

Get used to it, kid.  This will be the rest of your life rotting away
because of your appetites for the flesh. Over. Done. Finished.

Boxed in with no place to go.  All that yoga and meditation might come in handy when they put you in the hole.

Sex Swami in a can. Only room for one. Milking it for what its worth.

Yes, that's it, you have to attract the crowd and then make it sensational! Then escape! Then market it and milk it! Holy cash cow here you come!

But, what if things don't go as planned, Sri Nithyananda? Do you have a backup plan? If you don't, then you could be spending the rest of your life behind bars! Will the authorities allow room service ladies to come in and help keep you in your physical body if you're stuck in the slammer? If not, then what? Oh, Sri Nithyananda, you better have perfected those escape siddhis. We don't like the looks of things if you can't. For sures!

Wake up, followers. La-la land is over.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.

Special thanks to our super video YouTube stars, Ma Praba Nithyananda or Ma Nithya Prabananda or Kothari Ma Praba Swamini or Ms. Sharmila Devi P. or whatever she calls herself these days and Ma Nithya Pancake Makeup Lady a.k.a. Ms. Sarah Stephanie Landry or Ma Nithya Sudevi or Ma Nithya Swaroopapriyananda or whatever she calls herself these days. Thanks for inspiring us to go forward to continue the battle against 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda until the end. You are both real saviors.