CID Police to Give 'Potency' Test to Sex Swami Nithyananda, Monday September 8, 2014
Jai Parmesan Sri, Sri Nithyananda Salami Ki Jai!
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. Sorry for the lapse of blog posts, but we've been practicing your special tantric practices that you taught us and we've been in samadhi while in bed for all this time. You sure are the greatest guru who ever taught us such skills. Well, did you recruit any hot new room service ladies while we've been off? Rrrrrrrrahba. Rrrrrrrrahba. Rrrrrrrrahba. We can't make out your gruntanese, but that sounds like ruba ruba ruba. Do you mean 'rub her' or 'rubber'? Anyway, Sri Nithyananda, we know what's on your mind.
Sri Nithyananda, did you hear the news? The Supreme Court of India reversed its earlier seemingly flip-flopping and said that you now must undergo the potency tests that you've been evading for over four years. It seems that all the trouble happened when you, Old Horny One, we mean Old Holy One, said during your CID Police interviews that:
"I am like a six-year-old boy and am not capable of indulging in sexual intercourse with anybody."
Oh, dear, Salami Nithyananda, that picture above really shouldn't be available to people who haven't spent thousands of dollars for all your multi-level spiritual programs. The masses would just not understand. And, then there's those pictures from those videos that got leaked out that show you down to your undies (underwear) what seems to be a roll of quarters (coins) shoved underneath. Yes, Sri Nithyananda, you're right. Those pictures are obviously morphed and we sent them to the CID police just to set the record straight.
Oh, dear, Sri Nithyananda, it does look like you'll have to take that potency test. It's amazing what enlightened masters have to go through. There's one master from Nazareth had to drag his instrument of death in front of his followers and then slowly die while hanging on a cross, and you, on the other hand, have to go into a hospital and get checked for a potency test. Why, there's just no comparison to what you have to endure. Salami Nithyananda, will your tantric partner, Ranjitha Menon, be coming with you?, oops we meant to say, accompany you. Sorry, there Sri Nithyananda. Regardless, if she is by your side, we're sure that she will make a big splash. Hmmmmm... probably not the best of times to have her uplifting presence. But, Sri Nithyananda, we are sure that you'll be up for anything tomorrow.
Gee, Parmesan Nithyananda, it couldn't be all that bad. Let's see, there will be nurses. Yes, you like nurses, or at least their outfits, and there will be massaging, just like your tantric practices; there also will be handcuffs and beds, just standard equipment of yours, and there might even be some straps to make sure you get the full effects of the tantra, oops, we mean potency test. Gee, just like your private quarters, you'll feel right at home. Yes, those nurses can help fulfill your tantric desires if they cooperate and wear the right costume. Why, look, Salamander Nithyananda, here's a nurse now:
Sri Nithyananda, is she one of your room service ladies? Gee, Salami Nithyananda, there could be a problem. Perhaps the CID police will pick out the nurse for you. It's one thing when you get to choose from your harem of room service ladies and make the 'nightly special' wear a nurse's outfit, but it's quite another thing to have a real nurse who is trained properly.
And, then there's another problem, Salamander Nithyananda, what if the nurse doesn't like you? What if she is a follower of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar and only knows the inferior multi-level marketing programs of the 'Art of Living' (like a parasite) and resents your far superior Life Bliss multi-level marketing programs? What if you, Sri Nithyananda, get stuck with Nurse Ratched?
Yikes! Imagine what it would be like to have Nurse Ratched for a potency test!?! Don't visualize that! No telling what cut-throat mischief she might cause!
Oh, No! Sri Nithyananda, we just remembered that there's lots of men these days that also have chosen to enter the professional field of nursing. What if you, Oh Great One, get stuck with some Joker to do your potency test!
Oh, dear, Salami Nithyananda, you might get manhandled! Can you picture yourself being manhandled during a potency test? Heavens no! Say it ain't so. OK, Parmesan Nithyananda, we are now worried for you. We must think of something to divert the police and medical team to make them think that you're as innocent as the six-year-old boy you claimed to be.
We got it, Sri Nithyananda, if the medical police team ask you what is long, hard, and full of seamen, you better answer with.... that's seamen! S-E-A-M-E-N.
Ahhh, Salamander Nithyananda, you're off to a bad start. Think like a six-year-old boy. OK, if the medical police ask you what's goes in hard and stiff and comes out soft and wet, you need to answer.... NO!!!!!! Sri Nithyananda, that's the wrong answer again. It's gum!
OK, last chance, Salami Nithyananda, to convince the police that you have an innocent mind. What does a lady have two of that a cow has four of? Wrong, again! Legs, Sri Nithyananda! Legs!
Sorry, Parmesan Nithyananda, we don't care if you've made Ranjitha wear a muumuu dress and crawl around on all fours. What? You, Salami Nithyananda, only know Ranjitha by crawling around on all fours on your bed? Jeez, this is going to be hard to convince the police and the medic team that you're really just as innocent as a six-year-old boy.
OK, Salami Nithyananda, we give up. We tried to help you, but it looks like you, Oh Holy One, are not cooperating. Hey, we just got a fresh idea! Parmesan Nithyananda, it's been four years since you said that you were like a six-year-old boy and not capable of having sex, right? Well, just tell the police and the medical team that after four years you're now going through puberty. They will understand, we hope.
Stay tuned for our next blog post.
Will the title be of the following...
Sex Swami Nithyananda Limps through His Potency Tests
Sex Swami Nithyananda Wilts under Pressure
Sex Swami Nithyananda Proves that He is the Most Impotent Guru on YouTube
Deflated Sex Swami Nithyananda Verifies to be a Softie Through and Through
or will it be....
Hard-headed Nithyananda Chokes during His Medical Exam; Spills All the Beans
Sex Swami Nithyananda Arises for the Occasion, His Rape Trial Continues
The Second Coming of Nithyananda Proves His Continuing Presence and Reveals His Seedy Secrets
Sex Swami Nithyananda is Larger than Life and Spurts Out His Own Self-incrimination
Hard-luck Sex Swami Turns to Stone During Potency Tests; Sauces Off to the Police
(Readers, please post us possible titles for our next post)
To be continued....
Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.
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