Holy Beach Blanket Bingo! Nithyananda Declares Sovereign Statehood of Kailaasa!
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda, have you been surfing lately? mmmmrrah mmmmrah! Oh, we get it. Hard to go surfing when you're now the prime minister of an island that is not recognized as a sovereign country. Lots to do, we're sure.
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| The new Sandman strikes terror in Ecuador's tourism. Nithyananda's flag pole is fully erect and levitating. |
So, this is the real thing? No more India. No more Himalayas. No more holy tours. No extradition treaty. Looks solid to us.
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| Standing tall and erect, Nithyananda towers over the local landscape. The Republic of Kailaasa lays the solid foundation for a refugee for all Hindu criminals to escape from the reach of the law. What could possibly go wrong? |
Gee. You, Sri Nithyananda, figured it all out. The state of Kailaasa has passports. Would your followers for the right price be able to get a visa to travel to the astral plane? Way cool.
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| Passports from the Republic of Kailaasa. Better than 'get-out-of-jail-free' cards. |
Those diplomatic passports will come in handy. Will you be sending them to your child-beating, child-slave-driving henchwomen, Ma Pranaypria and Ma Priyatattva? Since the judge declared them a menace to society, then you, the holy avatar of tar, can sping them from the 'big house' by declaring diplomatic immunity. Right? Of course, you, Salamander Nithyananda, will need to present signed copies of these passports. Hmmm, kind of hard to do if they are already in jail. We know, Sri Nithyananda, why don't you enlist the help from your big supporter, Manjula Pooja Shroff, Kalorex CEO and MD? She is really good at that thing. Just because the Gujarati police arrested her for forgery doesn't mean that they would ever suspect her of doing it a second time? Come on, Mr. Nithyananda, it's worth a try. Besides, you need to get these ladies out before they crack and implicate you even more than you have been implicated in kidnapping, child labor, child abuse, and child porn.
What else is on the list for starting a new nation? Let's see, there's a constitution. Lucky for us, the very smart (alecky) people at Quartz India, specifically, Manavi Kapur, was able to translate your Sanskrit version of the official constitution of the Republic of Kailaasa and translated it in simple English for everyone to Read. We recommend that you, Sri Nithyananda, take a look and see if it is a true and correct translation. [view the Kailaasa Constitution on Quartz' website]
What else is going to be needed? Oh, a flag! Why you, Porkananda, have one already to hoist.
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| Hoist it high and erect. The pride of the Republic of Kailaasa is fluttering above you. |
Sri Nithyananda, we love your idea about how we should cut out this flag and hoist it at our temples, schools, car, anywhere. We took your idea and mounted your new Kailaasa flag on our trash can. Now it sticks up high above the ground so our neighbor doesn't knock over our trashcan when she backs out her driveway in her minivan. Very functional. Thanks!
We noticed, Salami Nithyananda, that you did ditch the 'paramahamsa' emblem in favor of adding some (more) bull into everyone's life. Why was that? Did the crazy Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh) people threaten you with a lawsuit over your not-so-original duplication?
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| Original swan logo from the cult of Osho |
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| The not-so-original duplication of the Osho logo by Nithyananda's enlightened graphics department. |
What else is there needed? Let's see, you Sri Nithyananda, already have the official animal, the bull. We couldn't agree with you more. Then there's the national bird. So many choices! OK, Sri Nithyananda, we see that you settled for the Sharabam. Cool. The national tree is the banyan tree. Yup, it might even grow there. You have a national flower, the lotus. Say, Nithyananda, do you smoke a lot of those same lotus buds during your wondering days? Just asking.
Looks like you included just about everything needed to start a nation. But, wait a minute, Nithyananda, do you think about a nation fish? Yes, you're on an island. Now a sovereign island. Did Ecuador surrender the standard 200 miles of ocean around your nation? That' standard practice. All that fishing revenue and potential natural resources is a big thing for another nation to give up. Not to mention the airspace above. You, Sri Nithyananda, can mine any commercial plane that flys over your airspace. Hmmmm, better read the contract very carefully that you signed with Ecuador. You, Sri Nithyananda, might just be a vassal state after all.
Just the same, you, Sri Nithyananda, will need an official state fish for the Republic of Kailaasa. May we suggest the narwhale?
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| Something about narwhales captures the unbridled spirit of Nithyananda's Kailaasa. |
OK, Sri Nithyananda, so you don't like that one. How about traditional dolphins? As know better than anyone, ladies love dolphins. The more dolphins, the more ladies!
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| Dolphins, the symbol of love and recreational tantric practices. |
OK, OK, too much competition. Yeah, those dolphins can really go at it. Not safe for the little kiddies, who will be too busy making fake social media profiles to include your 'like' ratio. OK, and they are not really fish. Mammals.
OK, let's try something else. How about seahorses? How about seahorses! Yes, seahorses espouse the spirit of propagating. Soon, you (de)grating one, will have hundreds of them. This will set a good example for your chosen breeders like Sri Nithya Dridhananda, a.k.a. Jordon Kremyer, the Blissful Athlete. Didn't you ask him to have at least ten-odd (very odd indeed) children to fill your mission with? Is it not his homework? You bet we hope that he does this only at home and not in front of the video cameras that the little kiddies can view. Perhaps that's the only thing he knows how to do. Let's see in his own words, shall we?
Practice Makes Perfect. Homework for Dridha to Make 10 Kids or More
Oh dear, Sri Nithyananda, Dridha is going to get pretty tired after the third kid. Lucky thing for him that he can just drop off the kids at your gurukul and get back to business. Still, this going to take some effort. Can he outsource the job? Is there an ayurvedic fertility pill ready? We know, Sri Nithyananda, you are much more concerned about taking pills that go the other way and doesn't leave you with a legal settlement for child support.
With all this consideration, perhaps the seahorse is ideal for some of your residents, but not all of them. Does Dridha still live inside the ashram? Oh, he snuck out. Unauthorized. But, he still is active on YouTube and sending us nasty messages at our workplace. Yeah, we traced his IP. We guess that even though he officially defected that he still wants to prove so badly that he is still part of the gang even though he doesn't want to be part of your energy field anymore. Sad.
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| Seahorses are fast to tangle and fill the sea with their offspring. |
Another thing about seahorses is that the males are the ones that get pregnant and then give birth. We don't know if this is the message that you, Sex Swami Nithyayanda, want to give to the world. No one can expect you to be raising kid when you are now responsible for finding hidden cameras, hiding kiddie porn, and running a nation. And, don't worry about coming up short, Sri Nithyananda. Not all rulers are twelve inches.
But, back to seahorses. Wouldn't it be cool if Dridha could just open up his pouch and dump all ten kids out at once? We bet that he's in such good shape that he won't even get stretch marks.
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| Seahorses. The only animal where males get pregnant but unlike Sex Swami Nithyananda, they don't go both ways, i.e. A.C. D.C. |
O.K., Sri Nithyananda, seahorses are out because they might make you take responsibility for all the little nithyananda's running about that we are not supposed to know about. So, instead of thinking in terms of all about you, why don't you, Mr. Nithyananda, think in terms of your subjects, like Queen Ranjitha? Isn't she your successor? Why don't you think about naming the official fish of the Republic of Kailaasa after her?
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| Pucker up, for a deadly kiss from the Ranjitha Blow Fish. |
This aquatic porcupine has some unforgiving little pricks. Deadly.
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| Sorry, Charlie (and Rajitha), StarKist only wants Tuna's that taste great (not just smell like tuna) |
And, Sri Nithyananda. There's the ordinary tuna. We know that Rajitha is an extraordinary lady, but there's something about that tuna that captures the essence of Rajitha. We'll meditate on it and inform you the moment that we figured it out.
Say, Nithyananda, we're running out of fish to suggest. But, wait a minute! Why didn't we think of this before, predators! Why you have a whole haram of first-class predators like sharks, giant squids, barracudas, and more. Nothing sets the tone for the Republic of Kailaasa than a shark about to eat your spouse, children, and life savings in one chomp. And, those unfortunate souls that don't sport an official Republic of Kailaasa passport will be scared to enter the water. Bingo. We think this nails it.
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| Heartless predator, Ma Mahayogini Nithya Mahayogananda, is ready to swallow up your life-savings in one gulp. |
Nithyananda's Kailaasa; a Perfect World Indeed!
Have Compassion!
Although Sri Janardhana Sharma was once deep inside this cult, it appears to us that he has recognized his mistake and woke up. More importantly, he has committed to taking swift and strong action to stop this cult and reunite his family once again. This blog recommends that Sri Janardhana Sharma is not only forgiven but everyone should support him and his families with help and prayers. Jai Maa.
Take Action!
Make a difference! Sign the Petition on Change.org! Let Prime Minister Modi know the Truth! Put an end to this child-abusing, sex crime-ridden, money-grabbing, spiritual hijacking cult!
https://www.change.org/p/we-are-calling-upon-the-prime-minister-of-india-narendra-modi-and-all-necessary-authorities-to-help-us-put-and-end-to-this-dangerous-cult
Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.
Special thanks to our super video YouTube stars, Ma Praba Nithyananda or Ma Nithya Prabananda or Kothari Ma Praba Swamini or Ms. Sharmila Devi P. or whatever she calls herself these days. Thanks for inspiring us to go forward to continue the battle against 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda until the end. You are a real savior.