Sex-Scandaled, Fraud-God Nithyananda Gets Bail to Romp Around His Bedroom Again
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. Looks like you finally got to bail out of the women's jail to go back to your ashram. Wow, what will be the first thing you do there? Hmmmm... can we take a guess? 'Swami' Nithyananda, we sure hope the CID team didn't plant any other hidden cameras in your room... so you better play it safe and mosey on down to the brahmacharini's (lady's) dormitory to burn off that pent up desires. That way, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, you won't have your secret tantric sex practices being revealed on YouTube. Lord only knows what happens when devout masses view your ancient 'holy' practices and misunderstand them. It will take at least another interview with world-class cooking chef, Rajiv Malhorta, to give us the play by play, as well as the blow by blow, call on these ancient mysteries and 'divine' techniques before anyone can be convinced that you're not just having sex. Now that we know that these videos are confirmed by multiple sources as being legitimate, will we find from multiple sources of other illegitimate byproducts from your now legitimate videos? If yes, your gurukuls (religious schools), 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, might actually get new recruits.
And, speaking of YouTube, will you still be releasing new lectures on YouTube? I know you just love to do this... but part of your bail conditions is that you will not be able to lecture. Will lecturing on the internet count toward this? We bet the that the CID team will pounce on you for violating terms of your bail if there are new releases. So, it look, like you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, will just have to restrain yourself. We know that you're really good at doing that as you demonstrated that recently in the women's prison. So, we'll be all watching you.
And, even more good news for you, 'Swami' Nithyananda. Looks like your Vedic Temple in Montclair near Los Angeles, California is schedule to re-open this Saturday, June 12. Will you have some new surprises for us? We guess that your meditation technique of Nithya Dhyan meditation will have some new moves in it. For instance, during the chaotic breathing session, we imagine that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda will add some of your ancient tantric practices like hip swiveling and thrusting to make sure that the maximum amount of energy is collected and then released, in spurts of course. And then, 'Swami' Nithyananda, the chaotic breathing will also bursts of reciting the Nithya-Pleasure Mantras of "Ooooooo La La' and 'Whooooooooooo Ahhhhhhhh', said in such authentic ways of such a 'divine' holy healing master. And, during the humming section, Sri Nithyananda, we imagine that your participants will be asked to whisper out little unique-to-your-order slokas like "Oh, 'Swami' Nithyananda, you're such a god.", and "Ooooooh, Nithyananda, give me a deeper experience.", and that sort of tantric chanting you made famous. And, finally, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, we expect that during the final stage of giving gratitude to you, the master, there will be new moves and hand positions introduced into your meditation. All, we hope that the blindfolds are securely on and you keep that room very dark. Actually, we really don't want to know, 'Swami' Nithyananda, what you have planned as an act of 'gratitude', and even if we did know, we probably couldn't write about it here.
Hey, Sri Nithyananda, we have another idea to help promote your unique brand of 'enlightenment. 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, won't it be nice if your loyal team video taped and then published all of your still loyal devotees on YouTube entering the Vedic Temple and participating in all of your, ahem, rituals? Wow, we bet that there will be no better way for all of your devotees to show their loyalty and love for you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, than having pictures of them all over the internet 'standing up' for their tantric sex master. Wouldn't their employers just be impressed of their loyalty that they have for you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, that these employers just might think that your devotees could possibly have the same devotion for them? Why this will certainly help their careers. So, posting videos and images of your devotees still praying to you will be a win-win situation for everyone. Who would ever guess that being a fraud-god would actually do society some good?
'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, will you be attending the re-opening of your Montclair Vedic Temple? Oh, we're sorry to hear that the Indian Government took away your passport. So, we guess that means no more rendezvous with Rajiv Malhorta in Nepal either. Too bad. Also, we suppose that entering the United States will be a bit more difficult after the U.S. Embassy has placed you on that list. It will be up to the Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officers to revoke your U.S. visa a second time, but chances are, that they will.
OK, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we're glad that your out and available for the public to 'greet' you again. We hope that they all give you the nice warm welcoming like burning your image in effigy that you, as a geniune self-proclaimed paramahamsa (renunciant) deserve.
We would just like to remind you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, the little inconvenient matter that being out in bail is not exactly the same as being acquitted and exonerated from all the crimes of fraud, rape, and criminal intimidation that are charged against you. It's still a long road ahead for you and your corporate criminal organization. Good luck to you. Actually, it is much more fun for us to hit a moving target than one just sitting there in jail. Sri Nithyananda, thanks for adding meaning to our lives.
Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.
How 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda's Following Could Grow in the Ladies' Jail
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. Sorry, we've been busy with a few projects and just didn't have time to deal with things that are in inertia. Say, how long have you been in police remand? Since April 24? Wow, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, are becoming a fixture there. With a little luck, we thought that you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, would become fixed there. Maybe that will happen if the welcoming committee ever catches up to you. You know, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, perhaps you're better off in jail. At least you're safe and taken care of. In your own words, 'Swami' Nithyananda, you said that if you were out in the woods doing real wandering, you would starve. Well, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, we know you're starving right now... for some affection, but at least you're not starving of hunger. That should help you.
Hey, Sri Nithyananda, did you know that all of your ashramites who are still holed in Bidadi as well as many of your followers who still believe that you really are god in spite of your hanky-panky are now chanting and fasting so you can be united with them again? Yes, we know, Sri Nithyananda. How touching. Oops. Poor choice of words. Well, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, we wouldn't want to disappoint them. They seem so sincere, especially the ones that are just plain brainwashed. The others that have an invested financial stake in your criminal empire, might not be as sincere. But, don't worry, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we don't want them to be disappointed either. Hmmm. Seems like there is a pattern here, that a week or two lapses, your case is placed in court, the CID police team says it needs more time, and there you stay. Safe in sound in your cell in the lady's prison. Repeat as needed.
So how can we get you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda united again with all of these chanting and fasting followers? We know, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we'll have all of your followers come to you. That's right, Sri Nithyananda. Since your followers can't expect to see you out any time soon, why not have them all come to you? It's almost as if that would be the logical conclusion.
'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, let's see how that would work out. Let's take a look at Ranjitha. Do you still remember her? Of course, you were able to identify her, but had trouble identifying yourself. Let's take a look at some of the pictures to help you remember.
Wow, Sri Nithyananda, that sure is authentic tantric practices. Look at you practice holistic healing. And, see for someone who was sick, not only did Ranjitha seem to instantly feel much better, but you also looked so blissful. Handy work of a true Master at work. And, look, there seems to be some hard evidence against your claims of not either being a man nor a women... and just plain impotent.
As you know, 'Swami' Nithyananda, Ranjitha has been hiding ever since the scandal broke out. We know that the police are looking everywhere for her, and in just a matter of time, the police will find her and bring her in. Since, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, are already in a ladies' prison, the police could bring her in your cell, and you two could start chirping like two canaries. Is that why they call it sing-sing?
But, let's not stop here, 'Swami' Nithyananda. After all, since you're holed up in a ladies' prison, just think of the potential to do some more tantric healing! But, to be able to pull off all that scheduling, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda will need an experienced scheduler to get all those ladies in and out of your cell between interrogation sessions. Why look, here's someone else that's been mysteriously hiding since the scandal broke, but the police are hot on her trail too. Let's take a look at some still shots of those videos, shall we?
Why here's Gopika, also famous signer of your ten-page trantric sex contract, delivering you some nourishment for all of those strenuous tantric healing posses that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, became famous for.
And, look at these photos, Sri Nithyananda:
Here, we can see Gopika and Ranjitha together in one shot. Wow, that means that they must have been friends, and Gopika, your caretaker must have let her in with her full awareness that you were doing some special night-long healing sessions along with some television breaks with Ranjitha.
And, look in this photo less than five seconds later (note the time stamps):
Why it's you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, and Gopika. Of course, you'll deny knowing that's you... or Gopika or even Ranjitha who was visible just moments before... but those forensic labs all stated that these videos were not morphed, manipulated, etc. and that the character in them was you. 'Swami' Nithyananda, did you ever get your results back from London that you were waiting for? Yes, a stiff upper lip, amongst other parts, are certainly needed during times like this. Anyway, look like there's a threesome where each know about the other.
Back to Gopika; since we know that she has scheduled hundreds, perhaps thousands of ladies to receiving your healing touch, she would be perfect to assist your busy schedule inside the ladies' prison. It's not only the in's and out's to cover all those logistics in such matters, but there's an issue with all those bed sheets. Why they will need constantly changing to keep them clean. You do have clean sheets, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda?
But, let's not stop there. How about your first inmates, Ayya, a.k.a. Swami Nithya Sadhananda and his wife? Well, sorry to break them the news, but since your second coming, looks like Swami Bhaktananda is now your first inmate. But, don't worry, if the police drag them in now, they will get in early enough to ride nice and high on the peek of your resurrected fame.
And, since you'll be famous and up and going just like your pre-video days, you'll need a whole set of poojaris to keep all the prayers and poojas directed at you, so everyone in prison will know what a 'god' you really are. But, let's not stop there. You'll need some family members. How about your brother, Sri Nithyeshwarananda? That way, you'll be able to make sure that his accounting stories account for your godliness. And, your mother, 'Swami' Nithyananda, could be added to the mix. You'll need someone to say that your birthday really was January 1, 1978. So, there's a need for her to be there too.
But, let's not stop there. We can have a honeymoon quarters to house Atmananda and Gnanananda, but in separate quarters, of course. Why we should have every holdout in your ashrams worldwide all come and stay with you. Just think, you'll no longer have to send out for food from the ashram, all your cooks, room-service ladies, everyone would be at your beckon call right there in the ladies prison. Of course, they will be all just too happy being in the presence of their master; just imagine the bliss. And, all of those angry people who think that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, actually cheated them and disgraced Hinduism will be pleased as punch to know that you and all of your alleged criminals are behind bars. Why everyone wins!
'Swami' Nithyananda, do you like that idea? Sri Nithyananda? Oh, it's time for that convenience samadhi (trance) again. We see that the interrogators have just shown up. We don't know if you can hear us, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, but you sure are consistent, at least in action.
Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.
