In our last blog post, Part 2: Nithyananda's Inner Awakening: $20,000 Out of Our League & Under the Sea of Debt, we Salamander Nithyananda, had selected Costa Cruises, a tainted cruise line with a shoddy safety record complete with death toll in order to maximize His holy profits; (after all, lawyers and super-models have high hourly rates). Costa Cruises guaranteed that the 2012 Edition of Inner Awakening was going to be an action packed, death defying, thriller of a boat ride. But, our blogger and friends didn't know if they would be able to keep their heads above water. The pressure is mounting... will they crack? Will they drown?
Don't touch that mouse button.... the truth is yet to be revealed!
Sex Swami Nithyananda's Tour de Force or Tour by Force? The Art of Dodging Domestic & International Authorities
Jai Parmesan Sri, Sri Nithyananda Salami Ki Jai!
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. Are you, Oh Great One, really going to select Costa Cruise to host your 2012 Edition of Living Enlightenment? Too bad, Parmesan Nithyananda, The Love Boat is not available. You, Salami Nithyananda, remember The Love Boat, don't you? Of course, it was an ABC production that ran on Saturday night television from the late 70's to 1986. It featured lots of big hair, and big, eh, ratings. And, if you were really hard up, you, Sri Nithyananda, could watch Fantasy Island that aired right after The Love Boat. Didn't you, Tantra King, Nithyananda, model your whole Life Bliss Foundation after these two winning shows? We thoughts so; no wonder it's manifesting into a 2012 theme cruise right now.
Salamander Nithyananda, did you ever think about making a television series modeled after The Love Boat? You can call it The Tugboat, Guide to Tantric Enlightenment. You, Sri Nithyananda, could then feature at least six aging tugboats bobbing up and down while anchored around your bedroom, you know, the old boats with a wide bow, big hooks, and plenty of cable, all of which to drag big vessels safely into their inserted docks. Yup, those maneuvers require a lot of torque and leverage as you would know better than anyone, Parmesan Nithyananda. For the show, all of these barnacle encrusted clunkers will be at your disposal, Salami Nithyananda, while you channel surf. Cowabunga. And then you, holy stud, get to christen one lucky power dinghy as the SS Ranjithananda, the mother of old tubs. But, then again, Sri Nithyananda, a show like that could probably only be pay-for-view. We'll have to think of a different strategy to get the young ones hooked. SpongeBob SquarePants has already been done.
You, Ex-293, (demoted Swami) Nithyananda, are just about ready to pull up that anchor and hoist away. But not so fast there, Sri Nithyananda. Is there more trouble brewing for you in India?
Salami Nithyananda, we haven't seen you in ages. Is there any truth behind those rumors that the Indian police, both the Tamil Nadu and Karnataka authorities want to question you, Oh Great One? Why just look at this YouTube video here:
Sex Swami Nithyananda Hunted by Indian Police
Gee, Salamander Nithyananda, those authorities are real party-poopers. Don't they know that this is the year 2012, and 12-12-12 will only come once every thousand years? Of course, 4:20 only comes twice every day, but that's completely different story. Anyway, when you were still 293, a.k.a. The Junior Pontiff of Madurai, your holy tour guide operations booked that tour on a big cruise ship. Your videos taunted this 108 times greater than past Inner Awakening (I.A.) programs. And, those killjoy cynics agree that this could be true. They say zero times a hundred and eight is still an empty shell; 108 x 0 = 0. But, those snarky targets to be destroyed missed. Luckily, there's still lots of old, wealthy people in the U.S. who only get their news for old-school newspapers. So, when their aging aches and pains get so bad and realize that medicare isn't going to cover them, then they're susceptible to being lured into your temples for healing. Then the fleecing begins. But, even if these desperate folks, who are longing to feel the vigor of youth again without doing any spiritual work of their own, dump their entire nest egg to help pay for all your lawyers and false lawsuits and bogus criminal charges against real victims, they are helping humanity. Yes, Parmesan Nithyananda, they are helping a rare and enlightened avatar save himself. And, that's a really good thing.
So what are you going to do, Sri Nithyananda? If you don't go on that cruise, not only do you loose out on all that money, the last bunch of wealthy westerners are not going to believe you. And, if you do go on that tour, you have a chance to build credibility back with at least those that have $10,000 less dollars to give to you again, but they might have more hidden under their mattresses. You, Salami Nithyananda, do like mattresses, don't you? So, you must go. There's no turning back. But, what if the authorities try to stop you, Oh Holy Tour Guide, Nithyananda? You, Sri Nithyananda, being an authentic Kal Bhairava Impersonator, and a damn good one at that, will you blow them away like you threatened to do to that blogger? Will it look a little like this video?
Kal Bhairava Impersonator, Nithyananda, Will Blow the Authorities Away
Gee, Parmesan Nithyananda, we don't know if that is such a good idea blowing away people like that, even if they try to stop you. After all, airports and other places all have security cameras, and you, Oh Great Avatar, Nithyananda, might get caught on film. Besides being the next viral video, the police might try to use it as evidence. Besides, claiming that you, Salami Nithyananda, are the real Kal Bhairva Impersonator and eliminating people as if you're a super-human bug zapper might not help your image as a spiritual leader who is grounded in ahimsa (non-violence). Perhaps a tactic like this one below will get better results:
Sex Swami Nithyananda Unleashes His Cult Minions
Yes, Sri Nithyananda, that will create a great diversion. Just like when Sri Hakkul, the snake charmer, released all his poisons snakes when the tax department allegedly tried to extort bribes from him. Salamander Nithyananda, you can unleash even greater powers. You, ex-293, have plenty of disposable minions, like Ma Nithya Achalananda, just waiting to spew her venom on anyone who speaks ill of her self-proclaimed, God Incarnate Master, (that's you, Sri Nithyananda.)
Even though that tactic would create a diversion, which would allow you, King of Tantra, Nithyananda, the opportunity to slip right past the immigration officers, it might take its toll. Obviously, the authorities would scoop up the likes of Ma Nithya Achalananda, and place her in a nice glass jar. (By the way, Sri Nithyananda, was she one of the many followers who were arrested back in June 2012 during your press release riot? Just asking.) After a while, Sri Nithyananda, even your bravest and most brainwash followers will either be safe under police custody, or dare might we say, have new fear strokes which will prevent them from doing such divine service in your holy name. So, this tactic of unleashing your followers might work in the short term, but it might not be so sustainable. We need to scale up come up with a plan 'B'. How about this video, Parmesan Nithyananda?
Scaly Swami Nithyananda Rrrrroars His Way Across International Borders
We think this is perfect for you, Oh Holy One. You can dress up like a T-Rex. Then certainly all the authorities will be scared, but secretly admire you. They let you pass right on by, without asking for your passport. After all, T-Rex don't need passports. Best of all, you can be your scaly, nasty, flesh-eating self, and you'll still be loved! You, Sri Nithyananda, won't even have to make sentences. Just grunt in the same rude way you did to your ashramites when you were not pleased with them. No more charades and pretending to be in touch with higher-consciousness. No more B.S. Just pure, straight-to-the point T-Rex awareness. The best thing of all, Ex-293 Nithyananda, is that no one, except for us, will know that it is you under that costume. Your holier than thou reputation will be saved, Sri Nithyananda!
Salamander Nithyananda, we did think of one problem that you might face. Even if you do manage to get into Singapore without issue, you still have to get out. And, if your loving followers posted pictures of you on your website that show the authorities where to look, it might be even harder to give them the slip when you exit Singapore. And, since we noticed that your next Inner Awakening (I.A.) Program starts in January 16, 2012 in your ashram in Bidadi, you will have to be there. The pressure is on, Sri Nithyananda. What are you going to do next?
Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.
Special thanks to our super commenter, Anonymous, a.k.a. Ma Mark Jackson of Los Angeles, with a Comcast IP address of 67.188.196.# (Comcast Cable), operating in or near Fremont, using a Mac OS X 10.5, FireFox browser, screen resolution of 1440 x 900, and a color depth of 24 bits and who has political connections by claiming that her "Uncle is a serious high court judge in Chennai". Thanks for inspiring us to go forward to continue the battle against '