Sex Swami Nithyananda's FAILED Inner Awakening and CANCELLED Birthday Celebrations
Jai Parmesan Sri, Sri Nithyananda Salami Ki Jai!
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. How you doing? Oh, just cruising along? That's great. We saw all those pictures of you, Salami Nithyananda, and your 2012 geriatric followers and they look like they are totally blissed out. Mesmerized. Brainwashed, in fact. We're glad to see that you are back to your old tricks, Parmesan Nithyananda. You, Oh Holy One, are so resilient. That's about the only holy attribute that hasn't been fully proven false yet. Why don't you, Ex-293 Nithyananda, market that attribute? Your slogan could go something like this:
"No matter how deep I fall in a pile of stinky crud, I always bounce back, with only a trace of stench. Come learn my secret and attend my Inner Awakening 21-Day Meditation Program, which is a specially designed instant enlightenment program for people who are really screwed up (and rich)."In spite of all the good news, Salami Nithyananda, we're a bit concerned. We noticed that your Inner Awakening Program scheduled for January 16, 2012 has been cancelled! Heavens. We know that you, Parmesan Nithyananda, would never, never, never cancel a money making program like that, because there's scores of people lined up just waiting to be with you for 21 days, priceless. And, even if there were a dip in demand, you, Oh Great One, Nithyananda, would break out the Magic Jacks and instruct your current batch of IA (Idiots Abundant) and tell them to make cold calls to all their friends and family. And, then to hold accountability, you Living Monster, Nithyananda, simply withhold their enlightenment certificates until they each round up ten new participants valid only by their deposits for the nest Inner Awakening program. So, demand is hardly the issue here.
So, Sri Nithyananda, did you cancel the January 16th offering of Inner Awakening due to the rumors that the Police are after you? Are you not allowed in your own brotherly brothel, a.k.a. ashram? How come all the future events such as Inner Awakening, etc. have 'to be determined' for location? Is your other brotherly brothel in Tiruvannamalai, Tamil Nadu, also off limits? So are the rumors true that you, Oh Holy One, Nithyananda, cannot enter?
And, Salamander Nithyananda, what about your big Jayanti, you know, Holy Birthday / Enlightenment Day celebrations held each January 1st? Is this not the big holiday where everyone can recognize that you truly are the Rare Living Avatar? Didn't three years ago, Sri Nithyananda, get all pumped up for this big event by doing the holy sacred tantric acts with a morphed hologram with your caretaker and hostess, Ranjitha Menon? Yes, Salami Nithyananda, those videos were filmed exactly three years ago to the date.
So, where will your birthday bash be held, Salami Nithyananda? We already bought tickets to go to your ashram in Bidadi. We were going to climb the big banyan tree that was first 300 years old, then 600 years old, and now over a thousand years old, because that seemed like such a proper place to celebrate the aging of the Sex Avatar, Nithyananda. Then, as you were prancing by with all your female minions vying for the sacred tantric rights for the night, we would jump out of the tree and greet you with 'Happy Birthday'. But, now it looks like we might have to wait at least another year.
Gee, Sri Nithyananda, please show us that everything is going to be OK, and that you are not going to be banished from your ashrams, that you're not a defeated Kal Bhairava Impersonator, that you are not a coward hiding from the police. Oh, please, give us a sign, better yet, an event that we can come and give you the praise that you so do deserve.
What's this, Parmesan Nithyananda? Do our eyes deceive us? Why shucks, you, Ex-293 Nithyananda, are going to head up a whole delegation to Kumbh Mela! Just watch your own promotional video:
Just listen to how excited the announcer is to trumpet your name as the "World's Greatest Living Incarnation!" Gee Sri Nithyananda, we didn't know that there was such a thing a ranking of living incarnations. So, who would have the title of "The World's Second Greatest Living Incarnation"? Would that go to your arch rival, multi-level marketing guru, Sri Sri Ravishankar? We know that he is not as great as you, Oh Ex-293, Nithyananda, but we have to admit that we are attracted to his holy double-sided ear-to-ear grin that just reeks sincerity.
Salami Nithyananda, we have a question. Is that the natural voice of the lady announcer or were you, like, a, initiating her to some of your holy tantric rituals? Perhaps, Sri Nithyananda, you should have lady devotees like that stay in a hen house, were they can lay eggs all day long.
Salamander Nithyananda, this is deja vu all over again. Do you, Oh Great Kal Bhairava Impersonator, Nithyananda, remember Kumbh Mela 2010? Where you, Oh Great Indicted Felon, Nithyananda, were running for your life and the law? Those were sure exciting times. But, just three years before that, during the Kumbh Mela 2007 at the very same location of Allahabad, you, Sri Nithyananda, were the live of the party. Through your great tantric prowess, you Salami Nithyananda, were able to convince the committee that you were the most qualified person to lead the gran procession right into the holy bath, the most grandest of dips. Will you, Parmesan Nithyananda, have the same honors? Will it be so easy to find you? Why look here! We found your promotional YouTube video that let the world see how the King of Tantra, Nithyananda, can take over a holy festival like Kumbh Mela.
Speaking of Sri Sri Ravishankar, Holy Master of Photocopying Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, do you remember how in 2007, you, Sri Nithyananda, addressed all your ashramites in Los Angeles? Of course you do, Ex-Pharaoh of Madurai, Nithyananda. You said how Sri Sri Ravishankar quietly approached you. And, you went on to say that you offered Sri Sri Ravishankar to share the lead procession with you, but he declined. You, Salami Nithyananda, told the ashramites that the committee for Kumbh Mela only could accept those that came from the tradition of Vedic Culture, and that Sri Sri Ravishankar's beliefs were 'not mainstream'; in fact, you, Oh Great One, Nithyananda, labeled his practices as a cult. A few weeks later, you, Sri Nithyananda, virtually declared war on Sri Sri Ravishankar and his Art of Living (off of others) when you claimed he made allegations that your divine order was really a cult. You then went on, Salamander Nithyananda, to further badmouth that Sri Sri Ravishankar couldn't pay his electric bill at his ashram, and how unbecoming he looked doing that inane dance on YouTube. If you, Oh Great Protector of Ahimsa (nonviolence), Nithyananda, had a gun at the moment, we thought that you might go and shoot him on the spot. You had that type of intention.
Well, let's hope that Sri Sri Ravishankar stays home next to his harem, and doesn't disturb your holy tantric practices during this year's Kumbh Mela. After all, this is going to be great, Parmesan Nithyananda! This shows the world that you are not afraid of police, retaliating crowds, etc. You, Sri Nithyananda, will be at the heart of all that action, and if for one moment you thought that you did was wrong, it would be all over. Let's pray together, Salami Nithyananda, that everyone else there will have the same understanding.
Look, here's another photo of you, Salamander Nithyananda, during the greatness which you need to reclaim. It was taken during the Kumbh Mela 2007 in Allahabad.
Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj
Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj / Arunprasath DuriarajWe remember this chap, Salami Nithyananda. Why it is no other than Sri Nithya Ajara, whose real name is Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj, but sometimes purposely misspells it as Arunprasath Duriaraj. He's an Orcacle database admin, and is one of three brothers that gave your order legitimacy in the United States because they actually knew Sanskrit. Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj was sure a good follower. So good of a follower that he divorced his wife under your instructions. And, Sri Nithyananda, your power was so good that during the divorce proceedings, her lawyer decided to get a cup of tea and missed being with Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj's soon-to-be ex-wife when it was time to present her case in front of a judge. She was totally screwed. So happy was Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj, his two brothers, and your fawning followers in Los Angeles with your special esoteric talents, Mr. Nithyananda, that they all celebrated Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj's divorce and had a little party at the Los Angeles Vedic Temple. Seemingly very eager to follow in your footsteps Sri Nithyananda, Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj practiced your same brand of steamy tantra on other people's wives, and even plotted a scheme to get one husband thrown out of his own house. But luckily, Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj wasn't that skilled at such things, and the targeted husband acted first. Oh, well, Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj will eventually learn to be more decisive. We're sure that one day, Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj will be able to cause divorces as fast as you.
Salami Nithyananda, you probably should teach Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj to be a little more stealth. Back in February 2011, shortly after you tried unsuccessfully to serve the blogger a lawsuit, didn't you send Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj to visit the house? Did he not drop a 'little something' on to the front yard of the blogger? Based on his ugliness and weight issues, it was very easy for the blogger to piece together the blotched who-done-it. Why it could only be Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj. Shucks, Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj has left you and no longer thinks that you, Parmesan Nithyananda, is god incarnate. Maybe after he heard his little brother cry about all the wickedness you, Sri Nithyananda, done to him, that perhaps that even the likes of Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj would have second guesses. Oh, well, their miss. But, no longer under your protection, Oh Great Tantricmeister, Nithyananda, will Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj still be able to stay in the United States while violating his H-1 visa? Would anyone take a chance on hiring Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj now? We wish him all the luck in the world, honest, but until he starts wearing your holy mala (rosary) and recites the mantras of Lord Shiva that has your holy name, Sri Nithyananda, substituted for Lord Shiva, it doesn't look good for him.
Anyway, Pornohamsa Nithyananda, we don't want to leave on a down note about the mishaps and negative creepiness of Mr. Arun Prasnat Dorairaj (Araja). After all, it is really exciting that you, of all people, Salamander Nithyananda, will be appearing again at Kumb Mela from February 8th to February 16, 2013. Exuberating! Salami Nithyananda, we can't wait. We're going to get a bunch of like-minded devotees and arrive early and just wait for your arrival and give you the darshan that you sorely deserve. Our reception will be like 100 times Diwali! Yes, it will be a blast.
Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.
Special thanks to our super commenter, Anonymous, a.k.a. Ma Mark Jackson of Los Angeles, with a Comcast IP address of 67.188.196.# (Comcast Cable), operating in or near Fremont, using a Mac OS X 10.5, FireFox browser, screen resolution of 1440 x 900, and a color depth of 24 bits and who has political connections by claiming that her "Uncle is a serious high court judge in Chennai". Thanks for inspiring us to go forward to continue the battle against '