Nithyananda's Passport Confiscated. Holy Tour to Kailash On-Hold

Sex Swami Nithyananda Has Passport Confiscated. Holy Tour Guide (and select entourage) is Stranded in New Delhi
Jai Paramahamsa Sri, Sri Nithyananda Swami Ki Jai!

Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. How are you doing? [dead silence.] Really, Swami Nithyananda, what's with such a long face? We thought you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, would be happier than a clam in high tide leading a group of over 200 cash-paying devotees on another exclusive holy tour that's out of the legal jurisdiction of India. Not a worry in the world. We know that you, Sri Nithyananda, are the only avatar and bona fide Paramahamsa has made such an effort to bring hoards of wealthy followers to holy places. They get all kinds of insights without even having to read a single page from the Lonely Planet Tour Guide book. You, Sri Nithyananda, are beyond all comparison. Let's just check. Lord Buddha. No tours. Lord Mahavira. Nada. Paramahamsa Ramakrishna? Definitely a stay-at-home type. Ramana Maharshi. Never left that hill. Wait a minute, Swami Nithyananda? How about Osho? You, Sri Nithyananda, consider him to be enlightened, don't you? Other than having a bunch of devotees who stalked and then tried to murder the Prosecuting District Attorney as well as poison a whole town with biological terrorists tactics, he like you, is a gifted tongue wagger. And, yes, Osho did travel around in charted jet flights with his own set of personal short-skirted flight attendants while he counted all his diamonds. Although that's close, that doesn't quite make the criteria of being a holy tour guide. It was all him. After all, there was no little cap, no loud Hawaiian shirt, no khaki shorts, etc. So, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, self-proclaimed Divine Avatar of Maha Kali and Maha Kalabhairava are the only known holy tour guide that the planet has even known. Nothing could stop you. Nothing.

Wait a minute, Sri Nithyananda, what's this breaking news here just printed in the Hindustan Press?:

Mystery of Sex-Swami Nithyananda's Passport

Wow, Sri Nithyananda, this is breaking news, and it is breaking our hearts. Was your passport really confiscated? Really? In New Delhi while you were en route to Nepal and later to Mount Kailash? How could they possibly confiscate the passport of a Divine Avatar, a self-proclaimed Avatar of Maha Kali and Maha Kalabhairava? Don't they know who they are messing with? Who ever is responsible for this will be singed! Reduce to ashes! Or, at least you, Swami Nithyananda, and your warp faced spokesperson, Mark, will make a YouTube video and claim just that.

Sex Swami Nithyananda now has time on his hands to sit around and shoot the breeze until he gets his passport back.

Let's see. In the news article, it says that the passport of the holy avatar was mixed in with 32 other passports. Commoners! That is not showing any respect to such a great man as you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda. Was that some ploy of some newbie volunteer to mix in your passport with a bunch of commoners just to evade the scrutiny of the Indian Immigration Authorities, which you were hoping that they will just rubber-stamp the lot of passports in bulk? Why anyone who sees your passport, Swami Nithyananda, would gain such a Divine experience that they would tremble and immediately approve it. Well, with the exception of that U.S. Immigration authority that canceled your U.S. Tourist Visa With Prejudice back in April 2, 2007. But, that government official must have been a follower of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. You, Sri Nithyananda, know how jealous that charlatan is about you, Oh Great Avatar. Sri Sri's vishuddhi chakra must be way locked. Lockjaw, in fact.

And, what's this? The article hints that your personal nurse and healer to the Divine Healer, (and sometimes actress) Ranjitha Menon also had her passport confiscated too. Oh, dear, Sri Nithyananda. What are you going to to do when your tour goes on without you and you're stuck in New Delhi with just Ranjitha, and maybe 30 other harem hanger-oners? Will you, Swami Nithyananda, spend your time playing backgammon?

And, Swami Nithyananda, the news states that 32 passports were confiscated as part of your entourage. But, your press release claims that 200 people will travel with The Avatar. Does that mean the other 170 spiritual tourists are already 'on the other side' just waiting for you, Oh Great one, to cross over? Or, did your enlightened public relations officers experience the same 360 vision you once claimed when you were just twelve years old? Under that 360-vision experience, would 32 tourists viewed from all sides become bloated up to 200? Interesting. Maybe they are just fat. Regardless, we know that is is all good and Divine coming from your organization.

Paramahamsa Nithyananda, weren't you suppose to tested for male potency by the CID police force last Monday, July 30, 2012? We'll today is Wednesday, August 1, 2012. Two days later. Didn't that mean that you, Sri Nithyananda, could have completed the test and then went on your tour as scheduled? We recall that you did 'start' the tour a week ago on Wednesday, July 27, 2012. If that was the case, we certainly understand and agree that you, Swami Nithyananda, had better things to do, like not disappoint all the wealthy donors expecting this great vacation with a Divine Avatar. That is far more important than participating in some police criminal investigation. And, this police probe was to check for your male potency? How humiliating. Everyone knows your a Divine Avatar. They just need to go your website and see. And, God only knows how far the CID Police will probe to 'prove' that you, Sri Nithyananda, are capable of, well, ah, manly accomplishments. Obviously, you, Oh Great Avatar, are not of man or woman. So, that allows you to practice tantra with both parties. You, know, swing both ways. (That's only for their spiritual benefit, that we can attest to.) But, this CID police probe, could be a trap. They might have a hard agenda to prove that your potency does come in spurts. These bureaucratic with a set agenda are known to ram round pegs into square holes just to get what they want. Who, knows, Swami Nithyananda, you could end up being totally stiffed by these chaps. A real hard experience. Better stay away, and you did! Ah, up until now.

Sex Swami Nithyananda's police demanded potency test might show hard evidence of a predisposal to promiscuity... or could be a set up. The Sex Swami fears that the outcome could be predetermined trap that would force a conclusion much like a round peg in a square hole.

Oh, we get it, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, you allowed your passport to be confiscated as a nice way to protect all your wealthy tourists from an imminent disaster or having something really bad happen to them while at Mount Kailash. Was that it? We know that you, Oh Great Predictor, Swami Nithyananda, claim to know the future well before it happens. Is this the case? Oh, wait a minute, Swami Nithyananda. We know another explanation. You, Sri Nithyananda, were claiming that you were downloading Hindi, not Sanskrit, but Hindi. Don't they speak Hindi in New Delhi? So, your body, Sri Nithyananda, was all downloaded but no place to go, or at least had no place to practice. Now, Sri Nithyananda, while you wait it out, you will have plenty of opportunities to express yourself in Hindi. And, we bet that your body language will say it all. (Just don't go near any brothels. They won't understand the subtle nuances in your body language that a true Avatar like you expresses. That levitation thing will definitely bring up the wrong ideas.)

Oh, wait a minute, Swami Nithyananda, we thought of one last explanation, which we're sure must be the real reason why your passport was confiscated. You, Sri Nithyananda, had nothing to fear about the CID male potency probe. Nothing at all. If you, great avatar, were as horny as as those snarky blogs made you out to be, the whole world would have seen your protracted actions during your prolonged stay in the women's penitentiary. You, Sri Nithyananda, are innocent as a new born baby, with diapers no doubt, but innocent. After hearing all the outcries that you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, were possibly absconding and shirking your civic duty to be probed, that you had to create a mere inconvenience so that you wouldn't let your jet set donors down and have them believe that you caved in to official police demands. Not at all. So, having your passport confiscated, will allow you to go out and be probed, and then quickly rejoin all those wealthy tourists before they decide to give all their cash to some rival like Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. Now, that would be disappointing. In the between time, you, Swami Nithyananda, will help all your wealthy donors realize that the inner-tour to spiritual growth is really from within, and that you will accompany them in their time of need. We figure that about four days without five-star accommodations, and fending for themselves in the chill of Nepal and Tibet, they will be stronger and more spiritually equipped to face any hardships that come their way. You, Sri Nithyananda, are a genius. For sure.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.

Special thanks to our super commenter, Anonymous, a.k.a. Ma Mark Jackson of Los Angeles, with a Comcast IP address of 67.188.196.# (Comcast Cable), operating in or near Fremont, using a Mac OS X 10.5, FireFox browser, screen resolution of 1440 x 900, and a color depth of 24 bits and who has political connections by claiming that her "Uncle is a serious high court judge in Chennai". Thanks for inspiring us to go forward to continue the battle against 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. You were a real savior.