Happy Birthday to Cult Leaders, Nithyananda & L. Ron Hubbard of Scientology - March 13

Modest Man, Nithyananda, Doesn't Want to Steal Attention Away from His Great Idol, L. Ron Hubbard of Scientology - Voluntarily Changes His Birthday from March 13 to January 1
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. How are you doing? "aaaaaaagh." Oh, dear, we thought you would be in a better mood than that. It's sunny, skies are clear, and look! More fireworks!

Nithyananda gets to celebrate Diwali again. A common theme for this year.

Wow, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, is it Diwali again? Or is it the Chinese New Year? Maybe it's a birthday celebration. That's sure a lot of fireworks. Perhaps a double birthday celebration? Wow, 'Swami' Nithyananda, who can that be? Why look, L. Ron Hubbard of Scientology is born on this day, March 13, 1911.

Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard, puckering up to give yet another kiss of his spirituality to yet another well-paid follower

See how confident he looks in his crisp suit and karate chopping body behavior? Why that's just like you, Sri Nithyananda. After all, L. Ron Hubbard started out as pulp fiction writer, then a fantasy / sci-fi writer, and then as a charismatic spiritual leader. Wow, he was excellent in finding gullible people to separate their cash. In contrast, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, were able to do all these steps at once. You, Sri Nithyananda, were clearly on the fast-track. And, also, didn't L. Ron Hubbard live out on the high seas in a fleet of ships along with his elite inner-circle of Scientology members, as the Commodore of the Sea Organization? Boy, that must have been convenient to be away from those pesky and limiting worldly laws. Just like having your very own island. Do you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, still plan to purchase one soon? If you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda can't buy an island, maybe you can buy some submarines. Better, yet, how about a spaceship?

Wow, Sri Nithyananda, we couldn't help but notice that you got a little green in envy at the thought of building your empire just like Scientology. After all, Scientology got 'religious tax exempt' status and still has a Multi-level marketing (MLM) scheme that brings in billions of dollars. And, it's all very hush hush. Will you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, be trying any of that any time soon? And, look, 'Swami' Nithyananda, Scientology is great in attracting ultra cool celebrities to do its marketing for them. Why here's Tom Cruise, our favorite spiritual poster boy and alien:

Scientologists Tom Cruise shows that your perspective on life just becomes better under the influence of a cult. (Picture ref: freakingnews.com)

Scientologists Tom Cruise demonstrates the power of Scientology. This can be you too if you sign up now. (Picture ref: freakingnews.com)

Scientologists Tom Cruise shows Sex Swami Nithyananda that he's not the only pretty, cross-dressing holy man in town. (Picture ref: freakingnews.com)

Boy, Sri Nithyananda, Tom Cruise is sure successful in this worldly world. We sure are more open to Scientology and its teachings thanks to him. Maybe some of his success and charm will rub off on us? Here's hoping. So, 'Swami' Nithyananda, what celebrity did you get to do your marketing for you?

Married film star and tantric enthusiast, Ranjitha, shows that there's even more of her to love.

Oh, yes, there's Ranjitha. She has a real pull factor. Maybe even a push factor. Amazing.

Do you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, still use the Scientology term of 'engrams' to describe samskaras (engraved memories)? How silly of us, you, Sri Nithyananda, are an original thinker. And, by the way, 'Swami' Nithyananda, do you remember how you corralled all of your acharya's (teachers) in training in 2005 to watch a couple videos on Scientology Dianetics?

Why let Scientology corner the market? Upstarts like Nithyananda can gain market share and topple the industry leader.

After viewing these videos to some very impressionable minds, you 'Swami' Nithyananda, declared L. Ron Hubbard to be 'enlightened', but not as 'enlightened' as you were. Because he could only find the 'Truth' about engrams (engraved memories), but as you, Sri Nithyananda, declared that L. Ron Hubbard system of 'clearing' to get rid of these engrams was very slow and not effective. Do you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda remember saying that only a true 'enlightened' master like you could get rid of these engrams (engraved memories) very quickly? So, that made you, Sri Nithyananda much greater than L. Ron Hubbard. Boy, were those early followers lucky to get such a good deal so early.

So, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, who is the second birthday child? Oh, come on, 'Swami' Nithyananda, no need to be modest about it. Why it is you! No kidding. Look what we found on the internet. Why it's pictures of your passport.

Passport for travel, pleasure, and holy business. Nithyananda Swami, world traveler.

And, if you look closely, it says your date of birth is March 13, 1977:

13/03/1977, that means March 13, 1977, the declared date of birth in Nithyananda Swami's passport. Not exactly the stuff legends are made out of.

Wow, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, great minds like you and L. Ron Hubbard do share the same birthday. Scientifically proven. Gee, Sri Nithyananda, whoever posted that picture was nice enough to blur out your passport number and date of issue, etc. Perhaps that person thought that even you, a genuine self-proclaimed Paramahamsa, should have his privacy. Very thoughtful. But, don't worry, there, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we're sure that all the right authorities like the FBI, Department of Homeland Security, US Immigration, Customs and Enforcement (US ICE), the US State Department, the IRS, and many more already have your passport number. Bundling up your criminal high court petition of June 2010 along with your passport and visa information sure made for a convenient package to send.

By the way, 'Swami' Nithyananda, speaking of privacy, we're wondering the next time you get arrested and holed up in some women's prison, if videos of you tightly sitting down with loose shoes and a nice warm place to contemplate all the crimes you did would be appropriate? After all, a lot of men got an inferiority complex when they saw a charismatic personality doing hours after hours of bedside tantra with that married film star, Ranjitha. Perhaps if they saw you in this aspect of your life, it would add that 'common touch' and they could relate much better with you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda.

But, wait a minute, 'Swami' Nithyananda. Didn't you celebrate your birthday as January 1, 1978? Isn't that your so-called Jayanti celebrations you had that builds in several weeks in December and culminates in on January first, every year?

For his January 1st birthday celebrations, Nithyananda stays high and dry as he crosses his lake of bliss. Everyone else is in it deep.

Why look, you get carried around like some Egyptian Pharaoh, pre-mummified, by all your spiritual slaves. Boy, all that gold must be heavy to pull around. You, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, must have one very strong neck.

Nithyananda's January 1st birthday celebrations include a foot-washing ceremony. Criminals on one side, booty on the other.

And, here, we have your married film star, Ranjitha, looking up and admiring whatever you seem to be wearing and, ah, revealing. And, she's lighting one up in your birthday honor. Is there some symbolic meaning behind that?

Looking up to the master. "Come on, baby, light my fire; just for my birthday celebration on January 1st. The fact that it really is on March 13th is our little secret."

Why, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, she doesn't look very happy here. Oh, well, we guess that not everyone can be an 'enlightened' healing master like you, 'Swami' Nithyananda. Maybe it is something about having to share this delightful honor with other women, in the public no doubt, that lends to her frumpy look. But, seeing that big grin on your face, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, you don't seem to mind at all. You're probably just absorbing her bad karma. So, it this must be good for both of you.

So, how did this rumor get started, Sri Nithyananda? Oh, look, it is your autobiography, "Nithyananda Vol. 1" on page 60:

"Nithyananda was born on January 1st, 1978 at 32 minutes past midnight in the holy town of Tiruvannamalai in South India."

(Click Here to see the actual PDF image of that page)

Wow, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, if someone searches any of your books, websites, YouTube, your Wikipedia page, everywhere, they will all find out that you were born on January 1, 1978. It's printed at least a thousand times. But, then again the story about your mystical birth in the month of Margazhi where all the stars lined up:

1 January 1978, in the Tamil month of Margazhi, in Chitra nakshatra, Kanya rasi, ashtami tithi in kanya lagna

didn't exactly match the horoscope of that year. Not even close. But that's just a minor detail that those analytical people, who can never relate to you on heart basis, will get hung up. But, yes, agreed, it is very consistent that you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, claim to be born on January 1st, 1978.

So, how could this happen where your passport and other official documents such as two U.S. visas all state that you were born on March 13, 1977? Was that on a Friday? Friday the 13th? Now that would never fit your horoscope. A total mismatch.

So, how could this mistake happen? We believe you when you say that you were born and 'enlightened' on January 1st. Honest. After all, this is your mother's big day too. And, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, we know that you would never go against your own mother. Never. Never. Never. Very sacred indeed. In fact, look at all the devotees you gave the mother name, mayi, to, let's see there's Ma Gnaneshwari Mayi, Ma Snehamayi, Ma Dayamayi, and Ma Medhananda Mayi. These are all your very special devotees that you love so dearly and shower your special affection on. And, look, they stayed loyal to you even after watching those alleged morphed videos of you and Ranjitha. So, no messing with your mother's story. Sacred. So, January 1st still stands.

So, how could March 13, 1977 slip into your passport? We think we have the answer, 'Swami' Nithyananda. Some divine force realized that the only way to get your to start your nine-years of wandering but soon revised to six-years of wandering... which all occurred at the Ramakrishna Math in Chennai and a few months in Belur was to give you a head start. The only way to do that, is to fudge your birth certificate. This must have been a divine intervention, for we know that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, would never be associated with a lie, of course. Out of the question. Simply out of charter too.

In fact, we looked up all the happenings that occurred on March 13 throughout the years, and we found zero resemblance to you, Sri Nithyananda, and your life. None at all. Let's take a look at this proof, shall we?

On March 13, 1764, Earl Gray was born. Although he became Prime Minister of England, perhaps, Sri Nithyananda, you will know him by the tea that was named after him. But, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, you will never be known for a tea. A flavor of Kool-Aide, yes, but tea, no. So, there's no connection between March 13 and you, 'Swami' Nithyananda.

On March 13, 1781, William Herschel discovered Uranus. Now there's absolutely no resemblance whatsoever between you, 'Swami' Nithyananda and your organization with this event. Completely irrelevant.

On March 13, 1913, American Spookmaster, William J. Casey was born. Mr. Casey, as you might recall, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, was the head of the CIA during that unfortunate episode where an exchange for arms to Iranian terrorists was done in an attempt to free some hostages. This was known as Contragate. Right before he was suppose to testify to Congress, he became 'speechless' and incapable to testify. Now, something like that would never happen with you, old silver-tongue and senior graduate of Toastmasters. No excuses like slipping in samadhi (trance) or anything like that at all. 'Swami' Nithyananda, you're pure as silk, at least as smooth as silk, maybe just a worm.

On March 13, 1938, Nazi Germany annexed Austria by having the Nazi Party conveniently pull a coup before the general election for the people to vote on the referendum, which was then immediately canceled. That was known as Anschluss. Wow, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, you would never pull a power move like that. You would never think of concocting some story to discredit your only named victim so that he would get arrested and unable to testify against you. Simply out of character. Once again, this refutes any doubt that March 13 can possibly be associated with you, 'Swami' Nithyananda.

On March 13, 1943, the Nazis destroyed the Jewish Ghetto in Kraków (Cracow) in Poland and killed most of the residents which was a part of the Holocaust tragedy that in total created between between 11 million and 17 million victims. Nope, nothing to do with you again. You 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, would never blame anyone for your shortcomings in life as the Nazis did. Yes, Sri Nithyananda, those goose-stepping march in unison cult members, who would do anything for their grandmaster, blamed Jews, Gypsies, and homosexuals for everything bad in their lives. They never blamed themselves. Only these people. Lucky for you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, there are no victims from your teachings and your association. Only blissful souls. And furthermore, you would never, never, never seek revenge even if someone pointed out some inconsistencies about you and your life even if it was on the web. You're a true forgiving and nonviolent soul. A living saint.

On March 13, 1962, Mr. Lyman Lemnitzer, the Chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff, proposed a plan called "Operation Northwoods" that would have U.S. troops shoot innocent U.S. civilians and destroy U.S. property and then blame it all on those dirty, rascals in Cuba. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, you being a man who preaches so nicely with sugar-coated words on YouTube that we know that this could never happen. Not a chance.

On March 13, 1964, some unfortunate lady, Kitty Genovese, was murdered right in front of her neighbors who did nothing to save her. This coined the psychology term of "bystander effect". 'Swami' Nithyananda, nothing like that happens in your Mission. There's nothing wrong at all... and even the people who leave your Mission are still just radiating in your bliss that they would never say or see anything inappropriate, that is if they don't want to disappear like that Canadian that mysteriously died in your ashram in December 2008. At the time, was he demanding his donation back? Was he threatening to expose you as fraud? Or that lady in the 2005 Mission Training program who went crazy and started to yell in trance from under her bed. All the other participants were too blissed to notice, and Bhaktananda was there to shoe people away. Other than these little inconveniences, 'Swami' Nithyananda, your whole Order is like Disneyland. The happiest place on earth.

On March 13, 1991, big, bad oil company, Exxon, agreed to fork over $1 billion for the clean-up of the Exxon Valdez Oil Spill in Alaska. Once again, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, you'll never have to give a penny to any of your victims, because there were no victims. None at all. And if they were victims, they would disappear or at least be silenced. So, that would never happen. But, then again, you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, you will have to give a lot of pretty pennies to your lawyers. That's already in progress, but you should be able to recoup these costs with squeezing out any assets from those poor delusional souls who speak up against you that they still might possess after they woke up from all your bliss. So, no worries there, 'Swami' Nithyananda. It's a wash. Once again, no connection with you and March 13.

On March 13, 2008, the price of gold on the New York Mercantile Exchange exceeded $1,000 per ounce for the first time. Gee, 'Swami' Nithyananda. Since we know that you're a true Paramahamsa, we know that you're completely indifferent to such things as gold and market prices. So, this is just one more piece of proof that your birthday could not possibly be on March 13th.

So, Sri Nithyayanda, other than that other 'enlightened' master, but inferior peer of yours, L. Ron Hubbard, there's absolutely no connection between March 13 and you. That misprint in your passport was only a face saving tactic to get you on the fast track to get all your chosen followers enlightened, just like you. No other reason at all.

Follow your dharma. Use your common sense. Listen to your inner-conscience, and follow the Truth. Come out of this trap, and escape from this fake and fraudulent cult scam.

Special thanks to our super commenter, Anonymous, a.k.a. Ma Mark Jackson of Los Angeles, with a Comcast IP address of 67.188.196.# (Comcast Cable), operating in or near Fremont, using a Mac OS X 10.5, FireFox browser, screen resolution of 1440 x 900, and a color depth of 24 bits and who has political connections by claiming that her "Uncle is a serious high court judge in Chennai". Thanks for inspiring us to go forward to continue the battle against 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. You were a real savior.