'Swami' Nithyananda Revises His Final 'Enlightenment' Story
Hi there, Sri Nithyananda. What's going on? You just postponed your 'Healer's Initiation Program' in Bidadi that was scheduled for February 27 & 28, until July 2010. Was this cancellation because nobody wants to collect bad karma from your so-called 'healing' energy? Or was your Healer's Initiation cancelled due to illness? Likewise, we understand you had a no-show for your NSP program. Did you get spooked? Is it true that you refunded all of the participants' money? Good thing you did, Sri Nithyananda. Otherwise, we could easily call you on fraud. We also heard a rumor that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda had a big hangover. Didn't you know that hanging out at graveyards late at night was going to lead to something like this? Will you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, still be having your 'Inner Awakening' program and attending Kumbha Mela? Perhaps those photo ops in Kumbha Mela are not going to turn out so well if everyone can see that you've become the embodiment of pain. And speak of the devil, you, know, Sri Nithyananda, since Ayya or Swami Sadhananda left the States empty handed, will you beat him for failing? Your cult might need a little more disciplijne. And, Sri Nithyananda, looks like you on your Twitter Dhyanapeetam account is following our tweets? Aren't you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, suppose to be a leader not a follower? Your cult won't last very long if you keep this up. And, apparently the luster on your Jayanti (sacred anniversary) celebration bash where you celebrate your alleged birthday of January 1, 1978 and your ultimate experience of 'enlightenment' has faded. Wow, that was pretty brave of you to roll those up into one day considering that your birthday landing on January 1, 1978 seems to be way off the scale of reality. Next year, will there be an extra celebration of your 'enlightenment' day as to get your devotees off the fact that your birthday doesn't look like it really was on that day? "Rraaara." snapped Sri Nithyananda. Hmmmmmm, our gruntanese translator says that a sign he's getting in a foul mode really quickly.
OK, Sri Nithyananda, we mean Paramahamsa Nithyananda, we'll get right to the point. Where was that final place of the 'ultimate' experience of your so-called 'enlightenment'? Where exactly was that? Now, don't tell us it was in Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. That was in California, and you didn't reach California until 2003. So, don't try to trick us with that answer. "RRRRRRaaaaaaagggggrooooooph!", snarled the 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda. Oh, our gruntanese translator said that he didn't like the sound of that.
Well, you see there, Sri Nithyananda, you revised the number of years you wandered from nine years to just six years as we pointed out in our post titled "Backpedaling Keeper of Revised 'Truths', Nithyananda, Required to Embellish His Story (Again)". And, so you 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda remember how you also revised the number of miles you wandered up to 70,000 miles from originally 18,641 miles? Because of all these revisions, we wouldn't be at all surprised if you also revised your place of your 'final' ultimate experience of 'enlightenment'. Yes, 'Swami' Nithyananda, you've done a very good job of evading of mentioning that place where you had that 'ultimate' experience. In your book, Formless in Form, you, Sri Nithyananda, went into details about the experience of your so-called 'enlightenment' but said nada to the actual place it 'happened' in. Same with your 2003 PDF titled "Yet to be Discovered", or many of your other publications. But, wait, on your recently delinked website about the 'founder':
you mentioned "the banks of the river Narmada". Let's take a look:
Nithyananda's single-minded pursuit of the Divine truth led to deeper and more profound experiences over the years. Finally, when He was 22 years old and staying on the banks of the river Narmada, the final explosion happened, into the experience of Superconsciousness, where space and time, body and mind, the seer and the seen - all dissolved into the state of Eternal Bliss, or Nithya Ananda.But, wait there, 'Swami' Nithyananda. We really had to look hard, but here on you NithyaYoga (TM) website, we found this information on a tattered webpage that you tried to delete:
When he was 22 on 1 January 2000, Paramahamsa realized himself in the forests of Omkareshwar, as Sankara did more than 1000 years earlier, on the banks of the river Narmada. He assumed the name of Paramahamsa Nithyananda the name given to him by Mahavatar Baba when they met near Kedarnath during the parivrajaka.
We know, Sri Nithyananda, all of these stories that don't add up are a bit of an embarrassment to you, and we more than understand why you tried to delink these pages and delete them from you websites. That's why we are very lucky that this legal evidence, we mean stuff that legends are made of, has just happened to be accessible for all your admirers, detectives, FBI agents, and prosecutors. You, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda can find them here:
So, back to your enlightenment story, Sri Nithyananda. Wow, that was quite a shift. You, Sri Nithyananda, were not only by the banks of the Narmada River in Omkareshwar, you were in the forest! And, wow, that, by golly, is the same place that Sankara got his enlightenment 1,000 years before! And, to top it off, you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda took on that sacred name given by no other than Mahavatar Baba! This is just simply an amazing story, Sri Nithyananda. This is a holy occasion if we ever heard of one.
'Swami' Nithyananda, where exactly is this place? Is there a big that you can point to and say that is where I had the ultimate experience of 'enlightenment'? Sri Nithyananda, do you have anything that commemorates this auspicious occasion like you have one to commemorate your 360 degree vision? Why, Sri Nithyananda, you should make a shrine at that exact location so that we can all feel the energy coming out of that place, and you can earn extra cash from donations and dedicated tours to your 'enlightenment' center. Why isn't there a special monument at that exact spot, Sri Nithyananda? You seem to have enough money to buy a whole fleet of 24K golden thrones, so simply securing a little patch of land by the Narmada River in Omkareshwar that is out in some boondocks of a forest shouldn't be too hard.
But, wait, Sri Nithyananda, can we really believe this story about you getting your final 'enlightenment', you know, that 'ultimate' experience out in the forest somewhere by the Narmada River in Omkareshwar? After all, Sri Nithyananda, didn't you tell your fast batch of your followers on your holy Himalayan Tour Guide in 2004 that all of the events that led up to your final stage of 'enlightenment' happened in Haridwar in the state of Uttarakhand? Yes, Sri Nithyananda, we remember now. You told everyone during the tour in the early morning where you were staying, where you threw your picture of a real Paramahamsa, that is Paramahamsa Ramakrishna, because you, Sri Nithyananda, thought that he and other truly enlightened masters were trying to deprive you of enlightenment. Do you remember that story? There were other stories about you being sick and that someone named Shankar from a nearby temple gave you some medicine that got you well, and when you went there to thank Shankar, there was nobody there by the name of Shankar except for the statue of Lord Shiva? Yes, all of your last moments before your final 'enlightenment' happened in Haridwar accept for the story about how you were doing double-japa (mantra recitation) using two malas (rosaries). You then, Sri Nithyananda, got frustrated and depressed... and then you tell everyone that you just 'relaxed' and became 'unclutched' and presto. 'Enlightenment'. Yes, these stories were clearly done by the bank of the Narmada River in Omkareshwar. There really seemed to be no gap from the Haridwar stories to the Omkareshwar stories. Then someone on the tour (someone with a brain no doubt), that was still able to function with all of the sleep deprivation asked you, Sri Nithyananda, how you managed to get to the banks of the River Narmada in Omkareshwar and in the forest no doubt in such short order. You see, Sri Nithyananda, we imagine that this person was curious since the distance from Haridwar to Omkareshwar is over 1,090 km or 677 miles. Google Maps shows that by car it will take over 17 hours in optimal conditions. But, since you, Sri Nithyananda, said that you walked most of your wandering by foot, well, we think that it might have taken a whole month. How did you, Sri Nithyananda, get there so fast? Did you use a jet-propelled pogo stick?
Sri Nithyananda, how did you get out of that tricky question? Oh, yes, Sri Nithyananda, we remember now. You pulled the divinity trick. You never answered the question. You just smiled and looked serenely away as if you were about to go into a trance and didn't want to reveal one of the Divine's business secrets. Since you were with sleep deprived true believers, they all then reached the same conclusion that you, Sri Nithyananda, must have traveled in some time-continuum-time-warp. Well, Sri Nithyananda, we agree. That story does seem a bit warped to us.
OK, Sri Nithyananda, we agree that you have this story about getting the ultimate experience of 'enlightenment' in the forest by the River Banks of the Narmada River in Omkareshwar, the same place that Sankara got his enlightenment 1,000 years before. But, Sri Nithyananda, you are now doing your best to hide all of these stories about your nine-years-of-wandering, then reduced to seven-years-of-wandering and then reduced again to just six-years-of-wandering, but really only four-and-a-half-years-of-wandering fit your timeline. And, most if not all of that time was spent at the Ramakrishna Mission. So, Sri Nithyananda, you're hiding this along with the culmination of all that wandering, your final ultimate experience of 'enlightenment'. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, was this the only place that you received that final 'enlightenment'?
Well, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, after we posted that blog about your wandering in the Ramakrishna Mission for Five Years, we received some interesting emails. One of your earliest attendees recalled that you, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda used to claim that you received that final ultimate experience of 'enlightenment' at no other than the Ramakrishna Mission in Chennai. Later in your book, Formless in Form, 2003, you Sri Nithyananda, just described that event, but didn't make any mention of it being your 'ultimate' experience. Here, let's take a look on page 34:
Above all else, the stories of the lives of great spiritual masters stirred an unknown chord in the young seeker. One day, chancing upon The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, he (Nithyananda) fell into such a fever of delight that he devoured the 600-page book in one 10-hour stretch. (Anyone who has held the mighty Gospel in his [or her] hands can appreciate the passion that called forth such a feat!)
Three days after this unusual incident, the young Swami was honoured by the vision of Sri Ramakrishna and Mother Sarada Devi, who placed their hands upon his head and showered him with hertfelt blessings. On that day, with deep love and reverence, the seeker received Sri Ramakrishna into the innermost sanctum of his heart.
And, that Sri Nithyananda, used to be your ultimate experience of your final 'enlightenment'. Wow, Sri Nithyananda, we can see right off why you would want to change that story. First of all, anyone who is familiar with the greatness of Sri Ramakrishna and Mother Sarada Devi already familiar with the most excellent form of spiritual beings. It doesn't get better than Paramahamsa Ramakrisha and Mother Sarada Devi. In the best-case scenario, these seekers would think that you have been blessed by the best. Not that you're any better than, not by a long shot, and certainly not equal too. Yes, Sri Nithyananda, after hearing that story, some people would just think that you're a lucky sanyasi (renunciant monk) that got blessed. On the other hand, those people who are not familiar with the greatness of Paramahamsa Sarada Devi would not really get it. And, these seekers, who don't have that spiritual background, are the ripe suckers, we mean seekers, for your following. So, if you, Sri Nithyananda, can't even connect to your potential market segment, wouldn't it make better sense to change your 'enlightenment' story? And, then of course, Sri Nithyananda, there's the lady factor. Do you think any of those attractive yoga chicks and film star ladies are going to fall for a spiritual master who got his 'enlightenment' by staying in the dorm with a bunch of other guys and then picked up a big book and read it for ten-hours straight, and the 'poof' he became the grand poohbah of wizards? Why even the lady groupies that follow Harry Potter wouldn't be impressed by that one.
Yes, 'Swami' Nithyananda, we agree. You needed to do a makeover in a hurry. Good one, Sri Nithyananda, you must have hired the right PR specialists. Let's see, your revised story had you wandering all of India first at just 18,641 miles then to 70,0000 miles. Nine years seemed like a good start at least until you became known as 'god', then the 'blue ocean' strategy kicks in and such things like facts and details become irrelevant. Good! Some of your new tales include sitting in a huge bell soaking up the vibrations until someone could hammer a piece of wood right into your ajna (third eye) chakra. Great! Meeting up with some sadhus (spiritual wanders) that can smoke pot and turn the ashes into gold. Hypnotizing. But, remember. You didn't smoke any of it yourself or inhale. Good! Family types like that. But, still got 'stoned'. Yes! Good one to 'reveal' one of those experiences so you might be able to share it with other seekers that think that spirituality is like a drug induced high. Brilliant! Then you broke your back on a bumpy ride in back of an army truck and healed it with your own hands. Fabulous! This gives you the legitimacy to initiate all those people into healers. You did that fire panchatapas (extreme meditation around a fire). Very legit! Never handled money. Way renunciate! Except that there was that small incident where you exchanged that gold trinket your received to purchase (with money) the supplies for the fire meditation and to pay (with cash wages) those village boys to keep the fire going, but other than that, no one would question you, 'Swami' Nithyananda. Then, you had that death experience where you went into deep meditation for several days at the cremation grounds at the Manikarnika Ghat in Benares where you became 'one with the dead'. Spooky, but way cool! And, then you, Sri Nithyananda, bumped into Mahavtaar Babaji in Tapovan, who gave your destined name "Nithya Ananda". How rightful! And, you, big stud guy, did the dreaded traatak meditation where you stared unblinkingly at the sun all day. How stoic! Then add in that story about bumping up with bears in the wilderness. How ruggeed! Hey, Sri Nithyananda, on a side note, we only counted two bear stories. There was that bear in Omkareshwar in Madhya Pradesh (p. 43 of Formless in Form) that you thought was a human, and came eye-to-eye with. Then there was another baby bear that poked his or her head into your cave that you were camped out in. For our records, we thought there should have been at least one more bear to make the final count to three bears. And, some related story about a cottage, and some hot just-turned-18 room service girl, you know, Goldilocks, who was all knocked out on some bed. OK, Sri Nithyananda, we'll be hush-hush about that story. Not so good for the kiddies and the prudish donors.
Where were we, Sri Nithyananda? Oh, yes, you hung out for a whole week inside the Taj Mahal. Every tourist's dream! You did some telekinesis with boulders on a hillside. The most! But, Sri Nithyananda, don't let anyone trick you into doing a demonstration of this. Just smile and let your 'Blue Ocean Strategy' swallow up any little challenge that might get in the way. Lord Shiva, himself, gave you some medicine. Total awakening! You, Sri Nithyananda, visited the land of 300-year-old people. Saints preserve us! Witnessed a honeycomb of huge bees (the size of someone's palm) stretching from mountaintop to mountaintop. Sweet! Sri Nithyananda, have those bees the size of someone's palms ever been classified by scientists? Just wondering. And, tiptoeing across a deep rushing river with your eyes closed. How trusting! And, then, 'Swami' Nithyananda, you hid in yet another Ramakrishna ashram when attached by a man-eating tiger. The cat's meow!
Sri Nithyananda, with these new 'enlightenment' stories, you'll even be greater than Indiana Jones!
Wow, Sri Nithyananda, there won't be a hot yoga chick in town who could resist you now! In fact, you could even rename yourself, Swami Nithya Indiananda Jones, the Enlightened Cowboy. And, your ashram could be known as Nithya All-Things Indiananda Jonestown. OK, we might want to work on that one especially if you ever intend on serving refreshments. Pitty. Donors don't like putting money down for known cults. But, anyway you look at it, with this new 'enlightenment' place and all of those rugged he-man stories, you're sure to be a box office hit.
So, Sri Nithyananda, with all of these great new stories of yours, we're a bit puzzled in why you have been taking them down from your website. We might know, Sri Nithyananda, did someone criticize you for all of these great stories? Maybe they were just jealous. Instead of making references about you being like Indiana Jones, maybe they made comparisons that you were more like Gumby.
You know, Sri Nithyananda, Gumby was able to be at two places at the same time. Just like you! And, he could 'walk into any book'. You, Sri Nithyananda, seem to have that quality too. But, once you, Sri Nithyananda, walk into a book, you seem to be able to walk off with the credit of writing it too. OK, Sri Nithyananda, we're getting ahead of ourselves, but we'll save that for another post.
So, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, do these rugged 'enlightenment' stories compete with any other of your stories? Besides that fact that you were in the Ramakrishna Mission the whole time, but other than that, are there any other stories competing for this 'enlightenment' title? Say, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, didn't you say during a two-day 'Healers Workshop' in Los Angeles around August 2007 that many of your other experiences lead to your 'final' enlightenment but Existence just wanted you to go through all the other 'experiences' to solidify your credentials. Sri Nithyananda, we're talking to you. Sri Nithyananda? Oh, dear, samadhi again. OK, Sri Nithyananda, if you can hear us, you talked about how you got the 'ultimate' experience from you death meditation at the cremation place at the Manikarnika Ghat in Benares. Since you had such a captive audience, you, Sri Nithyananda went and told them that you really got your final and 'ultimate' experience when you had the 360-vision when you were just twelve. But, Sri Nithyananda, you didn't stop there. No siree. Since all of these big donors were your loyal flock and they seemed so spellbound, you, 'Swami' Nithyananda, at the tender age of nine had to throw in your experience of meeting Arunagiri Yogiswara, an incarnation of Lord Shiva at the temple in Thiruvannamalai. (Nithyananda Vol. 1, 2005, pp. 120-124). Arunagiri Yogiswara took you on a journey up Arunachala where there were some other close disciples. He then gave you the kavi cloth (renunciant cloth) and initiated you, 'Swami' Nithyananda as a disciple. And, with that, Sri Nithyananda, you said that you began the journey of spiritual world meeting the physical world, and that was actually your final enlightenment. Do you remember saying that, Sri Nithyananda? We sure do. All the participants just had their jaw wide open. We're sure that their checkbooks were wide open after that one too.
It seems to us, Sri Nithyananda, that your 'enlightenment' is much like the 'enlightenment' that someone can experience from a firefly (also known as lightening bugs). It seems whereever you had your backside 'illuminated' that is the place of your final and ultimate experience of 'enlightenment'.
Perhaps Sri Nithyananda, we can make a game out of all these 'enlightenment' stories. Sri Nithyananda, do you remember in our post titled "Backpedaling Keeper of Revised 'Truths', Nithyananda, Required to Embellish His Story (Again)"? In that post, we suggested that you create an online gambling casino to help your followers bet which of your 'truths' will be revised next. That way, everyone can be engaged to all of your stories, and you can rake in even more money to finance your next round of 24K golden thrones and that big stadium. Well, we thought we might help you, Sri Nithyananda. Perhaps you can have a roulette wheel. Since it is your default story, Sri Nithyananda, two slots can be designated that you were 'enlightened' on the banks of the Narmada River in a forest in (or at least near) Omkareshwar. One slot can be assigned that you were 'enlightened' at the Ramakrishna Mission after reading the Gospel. Another slot can be designated that you, Sri Nithyananda, had that ultimate experience of enlightenment at the Manikarnika Ghat in Benares, you know, the cremation grounds. Then yet another slot can be assigned to your 'enlightenment' during your drug-like-state of having 360-vision. And, finally, 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda, one more slot can be assigned to your 'enlightenment' for the time you met up with Lord Shiva in the form of Arunagiri Yogiswara. Let's see. If a traditional roulette wheel has 37 slots, that leaves us with 31 blank slots. OK, Sri Nithyananda, in those slots we'll assign them as being that you are not 'enlightenment'. Because, let's face it, Sri Nithyananda, the odds are that you just made up all of these stories. Isn't that called fraud?
- 'Paramahamsa' Nithyananda Wanders in the Ramakrishna Mission for Five (5) Years
- Backpedaling Keeper of Revised 'Truths', Nithyananda, Required to Embellish His Story (Again)
- Do the Math - Nithyananda's Enlightenment Timeline Doesn't Add Up
- Guinness World Book of Record Holder: Nithyananda as Youngest Polytechnic Student